


Well-Bred

by adamdsolo



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Abusive Family, Alternate Universe, Bondage, Choking, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub, Edging, F/M, Food, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Penis In Vagina Sex, Spanking, alcohol use, degrading speech, difficulty with body image, lack of aftercare, thigh riding
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:27:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 73,970
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26299417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamdsolo/pseuds/adamdsolo
Summary: 35-year-old Kylo Ren is known for being one of the youngest and most successful entrepreneurs in New York City. He has worked effortlessly to make a name for himself separate from his parents. 10 years ago he started and now runs one of the biggest tech companies in New York and it is constantly growing.You just turned 23 and are a photographer recently employed at one of New York's top business magazines Entrepreneur Magazine. It's been hard for you to make a living off your work but it's your passion and you wouldn't trade it for the world.One day you are called into work to be the head photographer on one of the biggest stories of the year. You walk into the studio and you see him. In an instant, your world changes. He is the most beautiful man you have ever seen and the way he holds himself is infatuating. You wonder how on earth you are going to be able to compose yourself enough to do your job.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You, Leia Organa/Han Solo, Poe Dameron/Finn
Comments: 38
Kudos: 145





	1. The Shoot

An agonizing noise awoke you from your sleep. It took you a second to realize that the noise wasn't coming from a dream but that it was your alarm. You quickly reached to shut it off but were not overly motivated to get out of bed. You laid there not wishing to start your day. Out your window was a beautiful sunrise over New York City and you wonder how many people were watching this sunrise at the very same moment. This view from the window is why you picked this room in your small apartment anyway. 

There is a ding from your phone and it's a message from your best friend Rey. After reading her message you realize you are late meeting her at the small local coffee shop she works at.

You quickly get changed and try not to wake up your roommate/brother Poe who has fallen asleep on the couch.

It's a brisk September morning as you walk to the coffee shop and you pull your arms to your chest to keep warm. The walk is quick and you arrive to see Rey waiting on a table occupied by a young couple. She smiles at you as you walk in and you take a seat at the coffee bar.

"Your late" Rey says to you with a smirk.

"I know I'm sorry I kind of lost track of time."

"Don't you have to be at work soon?"

"No, I don't have any projects scheduled for today. Technically I don't even have to go in but I want to do some editing" you said.

"Well that's nice," Rey said as she hands you a coffee

You had been friends with Rey for a little over 6 years. She was the first friend you made when you arrived in New York and were grateful for her ever since. Her parents died when she was young and it felt reassuring to have a friend that knows that kind of loss and can relate to what you've been through. Your father died when you were a teenager and it was very hard on you. You rarely ever talk about it but it is so easy with Rey because she just knows. She always knows exactly what you want and what you need even the simple things like your go-to coffee choice. You smiled at her taking a sip of your perfectly heated cup of coffee.

"So, how are you doing?" Rey asked with sincerity in her voice. You knew why she was asking this question. You had just recently broken up with your boyfriend of 2 years Dak. She had never liked him but she knew you had and she knew that even though you put on a brave face it still hurt. She was right.

"I'm doing ok. It definitely still hurts sometimes but I mean the guy was a creepo so I'm just glad I got out before anything happened."

Dak wasn't a bad person when you met him at least you thought he wasn't. Somewhere in the midst of your relationship, he became obsessive. Constantly wanting to know where you were, who you were with, and what you were doing. At first, you thought he was just kind of clingy, being sweet, and showing that he really cared. But the more it went on it got aggravating and slightly terrifying. He was definitely upset when you broke things off but seemed to accept it and move on. You were thankful that you didn't hear from him at all after the breakup because that would have concerned you.

"I love you," Rey said with a soft smile. "You are an amazing person and you definitely deserve someone better than him, someone, who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. And you know I'll always be there for you," Rey said looking you deep in the eyes to make sure you heard and hung onto every word she said.

"I know," you responded in more of a whisper, "I just hate having to start out fresh again, my insecurities being on full display, and figuring out if I can trust the person. But enough about me, what's up with you?" you say eager to change the subject.

"Just the usual," she said taking a seat. You knew she was on her first break just by the way she relaxed. "Work has been boring and school is kicking my ass."

Rey attended Julliard and was studying hard to become a great actress. She had a big audition coming up that she's been spending all her free time preparing for. You admired her for being the amazing performer that she was and all the work she put into it. There was no doubt in your mind that she would make it big someday.

"How's the play prep coming along?" you asked genuinely curious to know how it was going.

"It's coming," she said, "there is just this one scene I can't seem to get down."

"I'm here to help if you ever need me," you said reassuringly. She smiled and you knew this was her way of thanking you but not taking you up on the offer. And you didn't blame her. It didn't help to run lines with someone who knew nothing about acting, you were terrible at it.

As soon as Rey's smile receded your cellphone rang. It was your boss, Jo. She wanted you to get to the office as soon as possible because a project just came up and they need you as head photographer.

You gave Rey a quick peck on the cheek telling her that you'd call her later and ran out the café door. Luckily the office wasn't far and you could easily walk there. You were lucky to work as a photographer for one of the biggest business magazines in New York, Entrepreneur Magazine. Taking photos was your passion and you especially liked portraits. Photos have a way of truly capturing a person's essence in ways others or even themselves may not normally see. You loved being in control of the way the light hits your subject, choosing the best angles, or directing your subject on how to pose. Every aspect was important to make sure your photos came out professional, clean, and beautiful.

You were told as soon as you walked through the doors that this was the biggest piece of the year. The magazine was featuring its youngest entrepreneur in the history of the magazine. And you were ecstatic because they chose you to be the photographer.

You were escorted to the studio and that's where you first saw him, your subject. Your breath hitched in your chest and you had to catch yourself from gawking. He was gorgeous. Incredibly tall but broad and muscular with beautiful wavy black hair that fell down past the nape of his neck. He was brooding and just reeked of wealth. He was already dressed for the shoot pushing the fashion boundaries by wearing a black suit with a skinny black tie. The suit was well-fitted and made him look even more handsome if that was humanly possible. As you made your way through the studio, he locked eyes with you, and part of you thought you would die right there. His beautiful hazel eyes were so intense it's as if they were looking into your soul and you felt a small ache in your heart. He had a prominent nose but it fit him well as well as beauty marks all over his face that reminded you of a clear night sky. But you had a job to do and you had to compose yourself, you thought shaking your head as if that would fix the need that was growing between your thighs. For the next hour, you would be looking at him, constantly ordering him around with how he should pose. You really weren't sure how he was going to take it.

You had been briefed about him and what he does a bit before you entered the studio. He started a tech company a few years back and it continues to grow every day. He has made millions from it and though he is highly regarded in the business world he is known for being brutal, ruthless even in the office.

You were nervous and dare you say, intimidated by him as you walked towards him. You thought it would be proper if you get acquainted since you would be in close proximity of each other.

"Hi" you introduced yourself with a smile and making sure to hold direct eye contact. He looked at you but his eyes were blank.

"Kylo," he said without the slightest hint of a smile. He extended his hand. You understood the gesture and reached out to grab his hand. His hand completely engulfed yours holding a firm, strong grip as if he never wanted to let go. A moment passed and he did let go of course, but too quick for your liking. His cold greeting did not make you anymore at ease but you directed him over to the light and began working.

"Stand a little to your left," you said motioning your hand in that direction. For a second, he didn't move. You could tell he was uncomfortable and wasn't used to taking orders. You tried getting him to smile but he wouldn't budge.

"You're a very serious man aren't you Mr. Ren?" you asked sarcastically. He didn't seem amused.

"I take any professional opportunity very seriously...I suggest you do the same." The fire that was once between your thighs had now risen to your chest and into anger. Did he honestly think you weren't being professional because you made ONE joke? How dare he question your ability to do your job and take it seriously. Gods you were just trying to lighten the mood since his sulky behavior wasn't helping you get your best shots. 

"I'm sorry sir if you thought I was not taking my job seriously, I assure you," you snapped, "no one has ever questioned my professionalism before. Though in my defense, I never had to deal with someone so difficult in my previous years of experience." He was furious you could tell. His eyes went dark, his jaw tightened, and his hands fell to his side and formed fists but he did not say anything.

The hour went by quicker than you anticipated without any more conversation between you and Ren. Before you knew it you were exchanging your goodbyes and you headed back to your desk. You were relieved to get out of there so you could finally breathe. Kylo Ren was a dick and it felt like he had sucked all the life out of that studio with his sullen and hostile behavior however, you still caught yourself wondering if you would ever see him again. 

At your desk, you made the decision to stick around and get the photos uploaded before you left for the day so that way you could edit them over the weekend. You left the office fairly late in the night. You knew Poe would already be sleeping by the time you got home. You hated that there were days where the two of you went without seeing each other. He was your other half and he was a great listener. He would love to hear about your day with Kylo Ren, Mr. Hot Shot, Mr. Perfect. But that was going to have to wait because when you walked through the door of your apartment he was crashed on the couch. You never understood why he slept on the couch when he had a perfectly good bed to sleep in. You tiptoed passed him careful not to wake him.

As you crawled in bed you wrapped yourself under the covers and snuggled into your pillow. You could feel that you were tired but your mind wouldn't shut up with thoughts of him. He was an ass that was for sure but a hot ass. The man looked like he was sculpted by the gods. And you couldn't stop thinking about his eyes and the way he looked at you as if you were nothing yet something. And then there was the fact that he was so massive. You had done some research on him in your office. You found out that he was 6 foot 3 and you knew what that meant. You couldn't stop thinking about it and you could feel the arousal building between your thighs. You needed to quench the thirst.

You could feel that your panties were already damp and you slipped your fingers underneath them to begin rubbing your clit. The sensation was immaculate but what made it even better was when you imagined it was his hand leading you to your climax. You slipped two fingers inside your cunt and began pumping. You reeled with pleasure thinking about how Kylo would take you. Would he be rough? Would he take his time? Your free hand slid up your shirt and kneaded your breasts. It had been a while since you had given time to yourself like this and it was marvelous. You were close now and you began rubbing faster. Your back arched and your toes curled as you reached your climax. Your body convulsed as you whispered one word, "Kylo."

You had just gotten off to that jerk but damn did it feel good. You could now feel the exhaustion taking over and you fell asleep with him still on your mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone my name is lauren (laur)! if you are here, thank you so much! I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Well-Bred. I'm so excited to start writing again even though I'm probably terrible at it. It's my first time writing a multi-chapter and smut fic so please be kind! Any suggestions are welcome! Feel free to follow me on twitter @adamdsolo Happy reading loves!


	2. Ignited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things go wrong at Kylo's company and there's only one person he can think of to help him fix it. YOU. After the tension from your first meeting, there is no doubt the second one will be just as tense but maybe even a little more...steamy?

It was a crisp and breezy morning as Kylo took his usual after workout morning run through the park. He found running the best way to clear his mind, wake him up, and motivate him for the day ahead. He usually didn’t sleep; he was constantly haunted by the nightmares of his past. But this morning his run wasn’t helping to clear his mind. The memory of her repeating over and over in his mind. The way she had stood up to him, talked back to him as if he wasn’t who he was. It was agitating and she pissed him off. She had no right to speak to him that way since he was far her superior. But that wasn’t all he felt. Something inside him that day made him burn and ache with need. No one ever stood up to him like that before and he liked it. 

He took a moment to stop and take a deep breath of fresh air as the sun slowly began to rise. He couldn’t get her out of his mind and it drove him crazy. He knew he needed to push his thoughts away. Today was a huge day at work, and he needed his focus to be on what’s best for his company. 

Kylo knew it would be hectic when he walked into the office but he was appalled by the lack of organization that he saw before him today. It seemed nothing was going right and he was busy fixing things straight up until what was supposed to be his lunch break. Kylo rarely took lunch because he was always so incredibly busy. Today he told himself he’d take a few minutes to eat the salad that he had picked up in the cafeteria. While eating he finally had a chance to check his email. What he didn’t expect was to see her name on his screen with an email from her. She had sent over some of the final proofs from their photoshoot for him to look over and approve so they could move forward with the cover and piece for the magazine. He opened the attachments and to his own surprise, he was…impressed. He hated himself in photos that was for sure and almost everyone knew it which is why he only agreed to certain photoshoots. But somehow, through her images, she brought out a side of him he hadn’t seen in a while. That didn’t sit well with him. But there was no denying her talent. 

Almost as soon as he went to respond to her a manager swung open his door in a panic. 

“Sorry to bother you sir but, the photographer we had hired for today’s shoot is extremely ill and cannot make it.”

“FUCK!” Kylo yelled incredibly frustrated that nothing was going right today. The manager looked at him baffled and slightly terrified.

“LEAVE,” he yelled, “I’ll handle this.” The manager exited quickly and Kylo was left with another mess to fix. He paced his office trying to figure what his next move should be when his eyes landed on the email opened on his laptop. She’d already proven how talented and capable she was he was sure she’d be able to handle what the company needed today. Plus, he wanted to see her again, needed to see her again. He knew his influence was powerful enough to get what he wanted so he dialed his phone and called Entrepreneur Magazine.  
____________________________________________  
You sat at your desk mind wandering to thoughts of him. Kylo fucking Ren the conceded asshole who thought you weren’t good at your job yet the same one who had been in your mind helping you fulfill your pleasure every night. You needed a distraction; you needed a new project. Before you could get up from your desk Trevor, your work colleague, and good friend was rushing towards you. 

He had a mischievous smirk on his face and whispered, “honey, good luck!” As soon as he said it you saw your manager turning the corner coming towards you. You were nervous, it felt like you were going to get fired. That Kylo Ren had called the office to complain about the way you treated him at the last photo shoot. Jokes on you because it turned out Kylo Ren did fucking call but it wasn’t to get you fired, it was to hire you.

You were quite shocked, to say the least. You didn’t know how he did it. You were employed through the magazine and they gave you projects to do for them and them only. You never thought you’d be able to be hired individually for another company. 

Your manager said he needed you right away so you quickly headed out of the office with your gear. The brisk air nipped the part of your thighs that were exposed despite the skirt and knee high boots you had on. You hailed a cab, and headed to Kylo’s office. During the short ride, your mind was swimming with what your manager had told you he said on the phone. “Kylo Ren called. He’s in urgent need of a photographer and he called demanding you. He said he needed you right away.” 

Demanding? Who does this guy think he is? you thought to yourself silently. But there was something else. He needed you. You! There were plenty of other well-known and professional photographers that he could have chosen that certainly have much more experience than you. It was NYC after all, the place was crawling with photographers. Why is it that he chose you? Why did he say he needed you? 

As the cab pulled up to the massive skyscraper where his office was located you realized how terrified you were. The last time you saw him you were practically insulting him and you know he didn’t take it well. You walked through the double doors and towards a kind looking security guard occupying the front desk. 

“Can I help you miss?” he asked with a soft grin. 

You stated your name and told him you were here for Kylo Ren.

“Ah yes, he’s been expecting you. You are to go up right away! Level 30,” he said as he gestured towards the elevator. 

You rushed towards the elevator just as it was opening to let a handful of people out. As you waited inside to reach level 30 you took deep breaths. He asked you here for a job so he couldn’t be that pissed at you. You just had to remain cool, calm, and collected, do your job well, and emit endless amounts of confidence so that he wouldn’t regret his decision. The elevator dinged and pulled you from your thoughts. The door opened slowly revealing a hustling office and your heart began to race. You honestly couldn’t wait to see him again. 

No one paid you any attention as you exited the elevator. You made your way towards the young receptionist but she did not notice you. You cleared your throat and she met your gaze.

“I’m so sorry miss! Welcome to ForceTechnologies! What can I do for you?”

“Hi I’m here to see Kylo Ren, I believe he is in need of a photographer,” you said almost jokingly. 

The receptionist praised your name as if you had just saved her life. She immediately stood up and motioned for you to follow. You headed down a long hallway of cubicles until you turned down another hall full of offices and conference rooms. Towards the end of the hall was a massive room and you only knew of one person that it could belong to. As you approached the tinted glass door you saw his name hung to the side on a gold plaque “Kylo Ren, Owner, and CEO.” You knew he had started his own business but seeing it in writing, displayed to make other envious made something inside you stir. 

The two of you entered the office and you were immediately mesmerized by the view. You hadn’t even looked at him. You hadn’t even noticed the receptionist announced you and left closing the door. All you could process was the incredible view of New York that could be seen out of the ceiling-high wall of glass. This city that you had grown to love. Your heart melted. 

You weren’t sure how long he had let you stand there and gawk but it didn’t feel like long enough before he was clearing his throat and bringing you back to reality. 

You turned to face him. He was leaning on the front of his desk with his hands in his pockets and knee slightly bent. He was wearing a white long-sleeved button-down with a navy tie, and navy slacks that did nothing to accentuate the muscular legs you knew he had. He wasn’t dressed nearly as fashionable as when you saw him last and it baffled you. His office was big. Definitely fitting for a CEO. There was a nice black leather L shaped couch towards the back of the office with a coffee table in the center. Towards the front was his desk, placed in front of a bookshelf wall. It felt homey, certainly not the same energy “Mr. Perfect” was giving off. 

Your name rolling off his tongue kept you from continuing your thoughts.

“Thank you for coming on such short notice. Our booked photographer had to call out on us and we desperately need to get this shoot done.” He was all business. Nothing about him seemed relaxed, his jaw was set and you could tell he was stressed. He didn’t have the time to answer all the questions you had whirling around your head. But your mouth betrayed you and you couldn’t stop what came out.

“Why me?” you asked in a hushed tone. Part of you hoped he hadn’t heard you but his brows drew together and a hand came up to run through his hair.

“We really don’t have time for thi-“

“Why me?” You asked again. You were determined now. You needed to know what drove him to pick up the phone and request you out of the hundreds of photographers in New York. 

“I happened to see the proofs from our last photo shoot at the right time. They were good so I called. Now can we please get moving we have a lot of work to do.” Was that a compliment? you thought to yourself. He started making his way to the door. He was clearly agitated so you didn’t want to ask any more questions or basically speak unless spoken to. You figured this would be a huge opportunity for you and you didn’t want to blow it within the first 10 minutes of being here. You followed him out of his office and into a conference room that was filled with four other people. 

They briefed you on the project. What they were looking for and the direction and style they wanted the photos to be. When you felt like you had enough information, everyone dispersed leaving you and Kylo alone in the conference room. You had found out that Kylo was going to be featured in the photos which made you a little nervous seeing how your last photoshoot with him went. He quickly got up before you could get in a word.

“Ok well, let’s get started hmm,” he said not really asking. 

“I’m sorry sir,” you hesitated, “I don’t mean to overstep or to offend but is that what you are planning on wearing for the shoot?” His eyes glared at you and for a moment you wished you could take it back. Damn you for not thinking before you speak. 

“This is perfectly suitable,” he said glancing down at his appearance. 

“I’m just saying if you want to come across as professional, to really earn your place in this world, and make a name for yourself you are going to need to look the part.”

He was silent, staring at you with an intensity that could burn a hole through you if you let it. You could tell he was hanging onto your words and debating whether or not taking your advice was in his best interest. He didn’t want you to be right, to have this power over him, you could tell.

“Fine.” Was all he said as he stormed out. 

You practically had to run just to keep up with him. His legs were so long that just one of his steps equaled to two of your own. 

You saw him hold his cellphone to his hear as he made a call. “Prepare the car” was all he said and then hung up. You didn’t know if he even wanted you to go with him but by the looks of his outfit, you figured it’d be best if someone were there to lend him some fashion advice. You were no fashionista but you had a pretty decent sense of style. 

You followed him into the elevator and he didn’t say a word as it made its descent. You couldn’t stand the silence and the idea of not knowing if he actually wanted you there so you spoke.

“Do you even want me to come along sir? I’m sorry I just figured-“

“Yes.”

The elevator doors opened and the two of you exited the building and headed towards a black Tesla. 

Of course, he had a Tesla the guy was a tech genius after all. You hopped into the passenger seat and settled in without really being able to relax as he began to drive off. The ride was silent. If you were being honest you were too afraid to speak so you just watched. First, you watched the way his hands clutched the wheel. His intense grip causing the veins in his hands to show. Then you were sneaking glances at his face. He had the most exquisite profile you had ever seen, highlighted by his beautiful, large roman nose and the raven black hair that fell in waves over his rounded ears. The sunlight accentuated the beauty marks and moles that scattered his face and you had to push the thought of kissing each one out of your mind. He was tense so his lips were pursed but they were plump, soft-looking, waiting to be devoured. You unconsciously bit your lip. You had to stop thinking that way, the man was a complete jerk. 

His brows were knit and his deep-set eyes were dark and focused solely on the road ahead. You realized you had been staring too long so you shifted to look out the window. The city never ceased to amaze you with its gorgeous and tall skyscrapers, the hundreds of people walking the streets, and the endless opportunity it provides. 

You felt the car slow as you approached a strip of stores. You had never ventured to this part of the city before mainly because you couldn’t afford to. 5th Avenue was loaded with top designer stores. You felt out of place simply sitting in the car parked in front of the Gucci store. Kylo exited the car and headed towards the shop entrance not concerned with whether or not you were even following. You quickly hopped out of the car and jogged to catch up with him. 

You were in another world when you entered the store but you got right to business looking around to find things and give Kylo some options. One of the clerks approached you as you held up a blue button-down shirt towards Kylo in a “how’s this” sort of motion. The clerk praised you for your choice which gave you a boost of confidence knowing you picked a good product. She continued to explain what the shirt would look good with but was rudely interrupted by Kylo.

“I need a slim tuxedo, preferably with a black fitted velvet jacket size 50 long, a white dress shirt and a pair of black leather lace-ups in a size 14.”

He sat down on the nearest couch as if the effort to speak killed him. His hand went to his forehead as his middle finger and thumb pressed small circles around his temples.  
You on the other hand were staring at him mouth open in complete and utter disbelief. He must have felt your lingering gaze because he looked at you from the corner of his eye without moving his head an inch.

“Can I help you?” he scoffed.

“I’m sorry but you speak Gucci?” you said not trying to hide the amazement in your voice. 

“Is that so hard to believe?”

“Well judging by the outfit you’re currently wearing, yes.”

This time he looked at your head on rising from the couch and moving towards you. The comment hurt his ego you could tell and you liked this power you had over him. The way you were able to make him squirm. 

“Unfortunately, I know too much about designer brands because that’s all my life was when I was a child,” he said in an urgent whisper. 

He was close to you now and you found it hard to process his words. But before you could ask why the clerk returned with the things Kylo had asked for. He grabbed them, gave a small “thank you” to the clerk, and headed towards the dressing rooms. As he changed you thought about what he had said and a million questions filled your mind. Why was his childhood filled with so much wealth? Was he able to be a normal kid? But most importantly, who was his family?

Kylo exited the dressing room to stand in front of the full-length mirror as he adjusted his cuffs. The man could certainly pick out a good suit. The slim fit hugged him in all the right places and showed off his best features. You noticed that his collar wasn’t fully covering his tie so you stood up and went to adjust it. He flinched forward a bit as you reached for his neck. Until he realized what you were doing, he relaxed and watched you as you came around to his front to straighten his tie. 

You were held in his gaze, hands still clutched to his tie, incredibly close. He smelled…. intoxicating. And before you even knew it, he was on you. Pushing you back into the dressing room and shutting the door. His hands cupped your cheeks and his lips were crashing into yours, plump and filled with want, with need. You still had your hands on his tie and you used it to pull him closer. The dressing room was small so it didn’t take long for him to push you against the wall. The slight pain in your back from the impact was nothing compared to the pleasure ripping through your body. You let out a soft moan parting your lips and giving his tongue access to find yours. Your hands darted to his silky, dark hair and you couldn’t help yourself from tugging it. The action evoked a small grunt from Kylo. His massive and strong hands were grabbing your thighs and hiking them up. You wrapped your legs around his middle and he pushed into you. You could already feel his hard length through his pants as he grinded on your center. The sensation let another moan ripple through your throat as his hand found and gripped your ass. It was hot, he was hot, and you could feel the growing need in your belly. You needed his touch and you needed it now. 

Suddenly there was a knock on the door. You both stopped, stunned at what had just occurred. 

“Are you doing ok in there sir? Anything else I can get you?” the clerk asked bringing both of you back to reality.

Kylo released you from his hold and guided your feet back to the ground. You were both breathing heavily and your heart was racing not only from the thrill of his lips on yours but from the idea of getting caught in public. 

“No,” Kylo looked you up and down with a smirk, “I’m doing just fine.” 

He exited the dressing room and you followed him to the checkout. But you were in a daze, floating on a cloud of ecstasy and pure joy. The memory and taste of his lips stained on yours forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter! Sorry, it was kind of long but I didn't really want to break it up. This smut is coming I promise I just felt the need to have a little build-up! I'm trying to upload a chapter once a week but I will try my best to see if I can get them done sooner! I always appreciate the love! and feel free to follow me on twitter @adamdsolo! (this is also posted on Wattpad as well in case you wanted it there)


	3. the Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're having a nice evening when you get a notification that Kylo Ren wants you to come to his office tomorrow. You have no idea why but you are hoping for a little bit of excitement.

Your second shoot with Kylo had gone better than you thought it would. After your adventure in the dressing room at the Gucci store, he had driven you back to his office, and there you did what you were told. There was less tension this time and more... electricity. Your chemistry was off the charts and it was like your minds were connected somehow. He seemed to know your every intention, your every move. Your mind raced with thoughts from that day and the connection the two of you had. It took hearing your name to draw you out of your thoughts.

It was Thursday and it had been three days since you had last seen or heard from him. Your friends were all gathered around the small table in the living room of your apartment for your weekly "family" dinner. You usually did this on Fridays but Rey had a big audition this week so you bumped it up a day early. Family dinner was a tradition and it was rarely ever missed. You, Poe, Finn, and Rey would get together every week, make a meal, eat, and catch up. Your lives were all so hectic there were some days you went without seeing one another. That is why family dinner was initiated and why it is so important. For you and Poe, being away from home is hard and you two are the only family Rey and Finn have. These nights made you feel whole again.

"Where's your head tonight?" asked Rey. She was looking at you with a bewildered expression. It had been three days and you still hadn't told your best friend about what happened with Kylo Ren.

"I'm sorry, I just have so much on my mind. This week has been...interesting." Rey knew you too well and she could tell you weren't telling her something so her next words didn't come as a shock.

"Alright out with it...what happened, who's the guy?" Rey pressed.

"Guy? What guy? I never said anything about a guy." You were defensive, you could feel your own walls starting to build. Everyone at the table could see it and they knew something was up immediately.

"Sis, we can tell when your lying so you might as well start telling the truth," Poe said with a playful grin.

"Ok, Ok," you were defeated, "Well you know how I was asked to lead the shoot for that young entrepreneur Kylo Ren?" you hesitated.

"Holy shit! Kylo Ren as in the tech millionaire? I have his app on my phone it's like the best thing ever," Finn exclaimed.

You were hoping no one had heard of him. You were hoping you could get away unscathed from the events that transpired between the two of you but the fact of the matter is you couldn't get him out of your own head. Your body had buzzed at his touch, you had never felt anything like it before and you wanted it again.

"Yep, that's the one."

"So, what happened?" Finn asked already curious about the answer. You looked around the table and everyone was waiting to hear your reply, listening intently to make sure they didn't miss a single detail.

"Well he hired me to do a shoot for his company a few days ago and we kinda had a moment."

"WHAT DO YOU MEAN A MOMENT?" Poe asked excitedly.

"We sorta made out in a Gucci dressing room." As soon as the words came out of your mouth you slightly regretted it. You didn't make eye contact with anyone but you could tell they were all staring at you in awe.

"Well if nobody's gonna ask what we're all thinking then I will," Finn spoke up, "How was it?"

You looked up at him and he had a big smirk on his face. You relaxed as you explained what happened and how he had made you feel. These three people were your closest friends. You could tell them almost anything no matter how uncomfortable and they would always listen and be supportive.

"Have you talked to him since?" Poe asked eyebrows raised out of curiosity.

"No." A frown overcame your face and you realized how upset you were that he hadn't reached out. It had only been three days but the most agonizing three days. You had thought he felt something too that day but why would you be special. He probably has a list of women he can go to, to fulfill his needs why would you, the average photographer, be any different.

"Do you like him?" Rey asked reaching for your hand. You took it and smiled at her.

"I mean he's hot, I don't know, I feel like it wouldn't go that deep. Plus he's an asshole."

"Well all I'm saying is BE CAREFUL," she squeezed your hand. She could always be brutally honest with you and it was something you admired about her. "Your track record with guys hasn't always been the greatest and you deserve someone who will make you happy."

"I know and I appreciate you all looking out for me. I'm sure I won't even see him again and soon I'll just forget about it."

You had a great time the rest of the evening catching up with your friends and sharing crazy stories from earlier in the week. Just as you were finishing up with the dishes your phone buzzed with an email notification. You figured it would be from your boss telling you to come in early for a project. Anytime you received an email later in the evening that was usually the case. So, you were dumbfounded when you saw that it was from Kylo Ren.

[no subject]

Meet me in my office tomorrow. 1 pm.

That's all it said. He didn't address you; he didn't even sign his own name. But one thing was for sure, you'd be there tomorrow at 1 pm just like he'd asked.

-

-

You had told your boss you had to take a long lunch. You didn't know why Kylo Ren wanted you at his office but you assumed it wouldn't be a quick trip. You brought your gear because you weren't sure if he needed you for another shoot.

It was different when you walked into ForceTechnologies this time. It wasn't busy and it was practically dead. The friendly receptionist you had met last time was nowhere to be seen. You felt out of place, hesitating for a moment whether or not you should wait until someone emerged from their office to question why you were here. But then you remember what his email said, "Meet me in my office."

You made your way back walking through the familiar hallways until you reached his office. Suddenly your heart began to race and images from your moment in the dressing room flashed through your mind. Just the thought of seeing his face again made your heart flutter. You were starting to get nervous. Too nervous that you were afraid you might turn around and walk right out of the building. But something inside you brought your hand to his door and knocked.

"Come in," you heard him say stiffly. You entered his office and found him sitting behind his large wooden desk, eyes glued to his computer screen. You noticed he was wearing glasses which somehow made him look even hotter.

"You wear glasses?" you chuckled and gave him a sly smirk. He was not as amused. He looked up at you for the first time since you entered. He studied you as if you were a new subject he was trying to learn.

"Blue light," he said taking them off and sitting them beside his computer

"Oh," you said embarrassed you had made an inaccurate assumption. Your gaze was focused on your shoes. You hadn't even noticed that he had stood up and made his way towards the front of his desk.

"I'm sorry," you cleared your throat, "so what is it that you wanted me for? Where is everyone?" you asked as you set your gear down on his couch.

"The office is at a community conference. The magazine sent me the draft for my piece and I wanted your opinion." He pulled out printed copies of the article from his desk drawer and laid them out for you to look over. You made sure to take your time and read every line thoroughly. You weren't sure if he was actually relying on your opinion but you wanted to give as much advice as you could. You could feel his intense gaze on you and it took every bone in your body not to look at him. He was wearing just a plain white button-down with black slacks and no tie. It was a good look on him even though he could really rock a suit.

Once you had finished you looked up at him meeting his gaze. "It's actually quite excellent. I think the photos you chose compliment the piece nicely although I would swap the one of you sitting behind your desk with the black and white profile shot. It doesn't look as intimidating."

"Hmm," was all he said as he grabbed the papers and piled them into his hand. He jotted down a note before putting them away in his desk.

"That's just my opinion though, it's your piece so you have the final say." You started to feel as though you shouldn't have suggested anything, that you should have just stopped at 'everything looks great.'

"You shouldn't hesitate, stand firm in your opinions and always make it known what you want," he looked into your eyes with a deep desire.

"Oh, right thanks I'll try to remember that," you said, unsure how to take his advice.

"What do you want?" His deep voice startled you.

"Out of life or at this very moment?" You chuckled trying to be playful and lighten the mood.

"What do you want?" He asked again slowly closing the distance between you. You were getting impatient with him so your wit kicked in.

"What do you want," you asked with a hint of sass. He was towering over you now, his massive frame not giving you the slightest chance of escape. His eyes were dark now as they searched your face.

Suddenly he grabbed your hair in his fist and yanked your head up so you were looking directly at him.

"No, No, I want to know what you want." Something about the way he said it, made you understand exactly what his intent was with you today.

"You," was all you could say before he was on you. His fist was still filled with your hair and he pulled your lips closer to his. Your chests were touching and everything started to spin. You closed your eyes and let yourself melt into him and he walked you back into his desk. You felt your ass hit the edge and you let out a whine.

Without taking his mouth off yours his hands found the back of your thighs and lifted you up so that you were sitting on his desk. You were glad you chose to wear a dress today. His hands were teasing at the hem of your dress caressing your thighs and you tried to push yourself into him so that his hand would be forced to go up higher. He sensed what you were doing and pulled off of you. He admired you with that grin of his that made you go weak at the knees.

"Such a needy girl, aren't you?" he whispered into your ear. He nudged your legs open pushing his thigh in between them so he could get even closer to you. He began behind your ear placing hot wet kisses down your neck to your collarbone. Your hands found the back of his head tugging at his black waves and you leaned your head back to give him better access as you let out a moan. Your skin buzzed at his touch and you started grinding your center on his thigh. His hands shot to your hips and dug into the skin forcing you to stop.

"I need to know you're ok with this before we go on, that you're willing to submit to my will."

Your eyes widened at his words. From the first moment he touched you, you knew he liked things on the rougher side. He hadn't shown you that side of him in the dressing room but you had wanted it.

"I'm ok with it," you said softly. His lips were on yours again kissing you deeper and with more need this time.

His hands pushed the hem of your skirt up to your stomach exposing your bare thighs and the black lace panties you wore. "Did you wear these just for me you filthy little slut?" You bit your bottom lip and nodded.

"You were hoping to get fucked when you walked through those doors weren't you?" You could tell he was turned on; you could feel it. His growing need evident through his slacks. You could practically see it bulging and you wanted so desperately to set it free.

He hooked his thumbs underneath your panties and in one swift motion pulled them down to your ankles where the slid off and onto the floor. You spread your legs wider so he could see the effect he had on you. His hands traced up your inner thigh until the pad of his thumb added pressure to your clit. "Oh fuck" you panted as your hips bucked towards him seeking more pressure.

Pleasure ripped through your body, you were on fire and it felt amazing. He ran a finger up your wet slit before pushing it into your entrance. "Kylo" you yelped. With that, he pushed a second finger in as his thumb still pressed circles on your clit. You could feel you were nearing your peak as his fingers curled inside your walls and you clenched around them. "I'm so close," you panted, "please."

"No," he said pulling out, "You are going to come on my cock." It wasn't a suggestion it was a demand. He was in charge now and he was making sure you knew it.

"Take it off," he said looking to you. You scooted off the desk trying not to coat it with your wetness. You pulled the straps of your dress off your shoulders then slowly wiggled it down your body. You couldn't wear a bra with this dress so you stood before him completely exposed. You could feel the heat rising to your cheeks embarrassed to be seen like this in front of him. You suddenly became aware of your surroundings and hoped no one could see you through the ginormous glass windows. He sensed your unease but he didn't say anything nor did he even care. Rather he looked you up and down with a pleased expression on his face.

He grabbed your hips and spun you around so that you were bent over his desk, ass pressed against his hard length. His hand gripped the back of your neck keeping your cheek firm on the desk and he leaned over you, "I don't like being ordered around. You had your fun during the shoots. Now it's my turn." He didn't release his hold on your neck and you could hear the jingling of his belt coming undone. You thanked the gods above that you could still see him out of the corner of your eye.

His cock sprung free and you gulped at its size. You weren't surprised, the man practically radiated big dick energy but you were dying to get your own hands on it. He caught you staring and delivered a hard smack to your ass. "You like what you see?" he didn't wait for your response before repeating the action again. The pain shot through you but only made you grow hungrier with need.

He stroked his cock a few times before teasing it at your entrance. You felt yourself dripping, coating your thighs and cunt with your wetness. You needed him and you needed him now. It was like he could read your mind and without warning, he pushed into you. You gasped at the feeling of his length inside you, stretching your tight pussy. He filled you and you clenched around him adjusting to his size. The pleasure you were feeling throughout your core surpassed the stinging pain of the first few thrusts. "Oh, gods you feel so good."

He still had his hand pinned on the back of your neck keeping you from moving. His other hand quickly dug into your hips to steady himself as he deepened his thrusts and you knew there would be bruises there tomorrow. You whimpered as his pace became rougher and filled with need. He pumped in and out and you could have sworn you felt him in your gut, battering your walls. His breath was heavy now matching yours as he was chasing after his own release.

"You've wanted this since the moment we met, haven't you?" he said with shallow breaths. You moaned and he gripped your neck tighter. "Answer" he demanded.

"Yes" you breathed and his hand left your neck and started pressing small circles around your clit. He was rewarding you for obeying and it turned you on even more. This was going to bring you over the edge.

Your legs began to shake and a devilish grin overtook Kylo's face. "You look fucking gorgeous squirming under my touch."

"oh my- fuck- I'm gonna come Kylo" you screamed.

"Beg for it." His voice was rough and deep and urged you to submit. So, you did.

"Please Kylo, please" you said with a short breath.

"I know you can do better than that pet," he cooed.

You were reaching your climax and you knew you couldn't hold on any longer. "Please Kylo, please I want to come on your cock." His pace on your clit was faster now and you could feel the heat all over your body as you were about to reach your release.

"Come."

That was all you needed as your orgasm ripped through your body making you tremble and shake. "Fuck Kylo" you yelled as the pleasure seeped into your every bone. He helped you ride out your orgasm and removed his hand from your sensitive clit after your breathing had slowed. He was still rocking into you, hands on your hips, and you could feel his cock twitching inside you. You knew he was close now as his thrusts became more uncontrollable. "Fuck you're so big" lifting your upper body off the desk to look at him.

And that was it for him. He let out a deep grunt as hot ropes of come spilled inside of you and coated your walls. You clenched around him letting him ride out his own orgasm until his hips began to slow. You both were hot and sweaty, chests heaving from the erotic experience.

He slipped out of you and helped you up off the desk. For a moment you wished you both could just stay in this moment savoring it forever. But he was putting himself back together and you took that as your cue to get dressed. Your clothes were scattered across his office floor so you had to awkwardly dance around him a few times to reach your things. Once you were dressed, he finally spoke.

"Are you ok?" he hesitated unsure if he wanted to hear the answer. You nodded; brain still dizzy from what you just went through.

"Ok," he took a moment to look at you, "I'll have my driver take you back to your office."

That was it. He seemed eager to get rid of you. Your heart ached thinking you had done something wrong. But you had just had the best sex of your life and you weren't willing to give up that easily. You could be just as bold as him and now was your chance to make a move.

"Here," you said handing him your business card, "Just in case." You walked out of his office before you could gage a reaction from him.

His driver was waiting for you outside the building just like he'd said he would be. Your mind was racing with thoughts on the car ride back to your office. You weren't sure if he'd call, you weren't sure if you'd ever see him again. But the one thing you were sure of was that you hoped you would.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello lovlies!! I hope you liked this chapter! It was my first time writing smut so I'm hoping I did ok! I have a feeling it will get better the more I write it! I'm bringing you this chapter a little earlier than usual because I will be on vacation next week. Not sure if chapter 4 will be done and uploaded by the end of next week but I'll get it up as soon as I can! And who knows, maybe I'll be inspired on vacation and have to write! Until then xoxo


	4. Skip the Pleasantries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It had been two long weeks since your encounter with Kylo Ren and two weeks without hearing from him at all. Your heart panged every time you saw or felt one of the bruises he had left on your hips because they were small reminders of him, of his touch. You had walked out of his office in full confidence, buzzing from the experience you had just had with him but when you got back to the office reality hit you hard and you started to regret giving him your business card at all. At the moment you thought it had been a good idea that it would have shown him you were confident, strong, and could wield just as much power as him. But the more you thought about it the sicker you began to feel. Had he laughed once you had left? Had he thought, Why would this girl think I would actually want to see her again?

It had been two long weeks since your encounter with Kylo Ren and two weeks without hearing from him at all. Your heart panged every time you saw or felt one of the bruises he had left on your hips because they were small reminders of him, of his touch. You had walked out of his office in full confidence, buzzing from the experience you had just had with him but when you got back to the office reality hit you hard and you started to regret giving him your business card at all. At the moment you thought it had been a good idea that it would have shown him you were confident, strong, and could wield just as much power as him. But the more you thought about it the sicker you began to feel. Had he laughed once you had left? Had he thought, Why would this girl think I would actually want to see her again? 

You had told Rey about the encounter that night. You couldn’t resist, you honestly just had to talk about it, about how good it was. 

“You did what now,” Rey had said. She was shocked of course. She knew you found him attractive but she also knew you thought he was an asshole. 

“I know! But Rey it was so good. Like the best I’d ever had, the man is packing if you know what I mean.” 

She had just smiled. Your best friend was happy that you were happy and that was all that mattered to her. “So are you like dating him or?” 

You huffed out a laugh. “Definitely not, he was practically shoving me out the door but I did give him my business card in case he felt like seeing me again.”

“Oooh I’m liking the confidence,” she said supportingly. No matter what Rey was always there to back you up. She knew you so well, she knew about your confidence issues and how you struggle sometimes accepting who you are as a person and the way you look. You had never been a “skinny” girl and you always struggled by comparing yourself to others. You’ve gotten better over the years thanks to Rey. She made you aware that even the “skinny” girls find flaws in themselves too but that every single body is beautiful and should be appreciated for how unique and special it is. Rey was such a positive light in your darkness and you will always be thankful to have her in your life. 

“Well we’ll see if he takes the bait but I doubt he will, I’m nothing special.” Rey had glared at you after that comment and pulled you in for a tight hug and cuddle session while watching one of your favorite movies, Bridget Jones's Diary. 

About halfway into week two, you gave up any hope you had of him contacting you. Sure you could have sent him an email but he certainly wasn’t the type to take orders and you certainly didn’t want to come across as desperate. So you waited and waited and when you heard nothing you started to believe that this time you really would never see him again. 

It was a cool Saturday afternoon as you ran out of your apartment down the street to your favorite Chinese take out place to grab some lunch. Poe was with Finn for the weekend and Rey was busing prepping for a role she was going to be auditioning for. You had the weekend to yourself and you thought a self-care day was in order. You planned to eat your favorite foods, drink lots of wine, watch your favorite, sappiest movies, and eat an entire gallon of ice cream to forget about the ache in your heart every time you thought about never seeing Kylo Ren again. You had to get over it. The guy just wanted to get laid and you happened to be available and willing. 

You were about halfway through your quart of shrimp lo mein when your phone buzzed beside you. It was from an unknown number texting just an address and a time. You opened your phone to look at the text and a contact suggestion came up for the unknown number.

Maybe “Kylo Ren”

If his plan was to stay anonymous it didn’t work. But he was a tech nerd, right? Wouldn’t he anticipate the phone to do that? Maybe he wanted you to know?

You took about 20 minutes wondering if you should respond at all until you finally came to the conclusion just to leave it on read. You weren’t sure if you were even going to go. You knew what he was texting you for and though you wouldn’t mind getting laid today, you had to be careful. Hooking up has always been a windy road to navigate for you. But maybe Kylo would be different. He shows little to no care at all and he’s an ass. Maybe it wouldn’t be that hard to just hook up with him. You really wanted to text Rey and ask her for advice but you knew she was busy and you didn’t want to bother her. You had to make your decision soon though because he wanted to see you tonight.

8:15 pm rolled around and you were ready to go. You decided to take a chance and go because why not. At least you’ll get some good sex. You had looked up the address to see how far away it was from you and discovered that he was about 30 minutes away from you. He had texted you 9 pm but you wanted to leave early in case you ran into traffic, it was a Saturday in NYC after all and you didn’t want to be late. 

You hopped in an Uber and made your way to Kylo Ren’s. You were nervous again only this time a little more so because you knew what you were going for. But you had prepared for it this time. You were wearing your favorite pair of navy blue panties and their matching bra along with your favorite short, burnt orange corduroy skirt, a cozy black sweater, and black booties. Your mind couldn’t stop racing in the car. You kept going back and forth with whether or not this was a good idea. You were so consumed in your own thoughts you didn’t even hear the driver try to make polite conversation by asking how you were. It was only when you felt the car stop that you were pulled out of your own mind. 

“We are here Miss,” your Uber driver said quietly. You thanked her and hopped out of the car mentally reminding yourself to leave her a good review and a sizable tip for putting up with your zoned out self. 

Once you were able to take in your surroundings you realized you were left off in front of a tall stone building. There was a green overhang that made a path right to the door with the numbers 1129. This was the place. You had assumed since he was rich and alone he would be living in a nice apartment. But this, you didn’t think he’d be living in something as tall as a skyscraper. The doorman smiled at you and opened the door for you. You headed for the elevator and pressed the button labeled 93, the last number available. He lived on the top floor, you could only imagine what his place looked like. 

The ride up was surprisingly shorter than you expected and you and you didn’t have as much time to psych yourself up as you wanted to. You exited the elevator into a small little lobby type area. There were two other elevators facing opposite of you and in between them a small table with a vase filled with the most beautiful deep red roses. To your right was just a large mirror hanging on the wall and to your left was a set of enormous black double doors. He was the only person living on this floor, you couldn’t even begin to imagine how much something like this would cost. Compared to your small little apartment that had five other apartments on the same level, this was breathtaking and you hadn’t even stepped inside yet. 

You walked slowly towards the doors swallowing hard and trying to suppress your nerves. Your hand was moving to knock on the door before you even realized it. The knock came out slow and quiet. After a few seconds, you thought he hadn’t even heard you. You quickly looked to see if there was a doorbell or something when he swung the door open making you jump. He greeted you with a stern face.

“Good evening,” he said, stepping aside as a gesture for you to come in. He was wearing a pair of tight black skinny jeans that accentuated his muscular thighs and calves with a grey fisherman sweater. He looked cozy but you could only think about the things you would do to that man’s legs. 

The moment you stepped into his space you felt like you had been transported to another world. You had never known or seen such luxury in your life and you couldn’t stop your mouth from hanging wide open in awe. 

His front doors opened to a large living area. It was simple yet tastefully decorated. You immediately noticed the black grand piano that sat back in from the entrance.

“Do you play?” you asked with a smile and a hint of surprise in your voice.

“A little,” he said, not taking his eyes off you once. 

The man must like his floor-to-ceiling windows because not only did his office have them, his entire front wall was made of windows. There was a nice, long couch that looked extra comfy facing the back wall where a flat-screen TV was mounted above a fireplace. A curved staircase stood off to the side that led to the upstairs and behind it glimpses of a kitchen and a dining table, as well as flickering lights outside which you only assumed, was a patio of sorts. You figured he would not give you a tour and you didn’t feel right wandering or seeming too interested in his home. 

You turned around to face him and he was looking directly at you. You could feel your cheeks blush embarrassed that he had clearly seen how amazed you were at the place he calls home. 

“Sorry,” you started softly, “I’ve just never seen anything like this before it’s- it’s beautiful.” 

“Drink?” he asked, changing the subject. He wasn’t one for small talk or desperate to get to know you. 

“Sure!” you said excitedly, “whatever you have.” He started to make his way towards the kitchen so you followed him. It was almost all back, certainly spacious with an all-black island in the center with wooden stools. You watched as he went to the fridge and pulled out a chilled bottle of wine. As he turned to the cabinet to grab some glasses you turned your head to look out at the patio. You had to catch yourself from audibly gasping. The patio was lit with candles, you figured electric, but beyond it a glimmering pool giving off a blueish-green tint from the lights illuminating it from below. 

The clinking of glasses had you whipping your head around hoping he didn’t catch you gawking. His back was to you when you turned around so you felt in the clear. He handed you a glass filled with red wine and you thanked him. 

Moments passed in silence as you sipped on your wine. You knew he didn’t like small talk but you couldn’t stand the deafening silence so you thought you’d give it a try. 

“So,” you said breaking the silence. You could see his posture stiffen at your words. “Who talks first? You talk first? I talk first?” you said hoping the sarcasm in your voice would come across clear. You chuckled at yourself. You often did that because you found most of your own jokes funny. 

“You’re not here to talk,” he said, voice stern and rough. His jaw was set, his dark eyes were fixated on you as he drew his brows together. “Follow me,” he said starting towards the staircase. 

At the top of the steps you followed him as he led you down the hallway until he reached a door. He opened it and walked through not waiting for you to follow. You walked into a beautiful sleek bedroom. You couldn’t be sure if it was his or just the room he took his partners to. He had gone into the bathroom so you sat on the edge of the bed feeling the soft silky black sheets. He emerged from the bathroom having changed out of his sweater into a tight white v-neck t-shirt. He stalked his way towards you, slowly, not taking his eyes off of you for a second. You could see how filled they were with desire. The same way they had looked in his office. He had a way of telling you exactly what he wanted without even speaking. The look alone made you press your thighs together. 

Soon he was towering above you. You looked up at him, his hands reaching for your neck. You knew from your last encounter that there was a side of him that liked things rough. You had seen bits of it come out once you agreed to be submissive in his office. Now that you were alone in his home you imagined he wouldn’t hold back and the thought made your whole body tingle with pleasure. 

His hand wrapped around your throat and he pushed you down onto the bed so you were lying on your back. He squeezed lightly and your breath hitched from the sudden force. 

“You’re still ok with this?” he asked, beginning to roam his free hand over your body. 

“Yes,” you whispered arching your back and straightening your neck to give him more access. 

Shoving himself between your legs he bent down, chests hovering over one another. His lips crashed into yours and for a moment time stopped. His lips were hungry and intense against yours. Your heart began to pound in your chest, your body becoming a puddle underneath him. You parted your lips in a moan allowing him to graze your tongue. He tasted sweet and tangy (you assumed from the wine) and it was addicting. He started a mixture of sucking, biting, and kissing at your neck. His mouth lingered over your ear without touching and you could feel his hot breath.

“There are so many things I want to do to you,” he whispered into your ear.

The need between your legs was growing and you could feel yourself thrusting up towards him for relief. He snaked his hand behind your back and in one swift motion lifted and pushed you back towards the headboard of the bed. With one hand still on your throat, mouth still roaming the upper part of your body he started moving his other hand down your legs and to your inner thighs. He was purposefully avoiding where you needed to be touched and it was torture. 

“Please,” you managed to half wine half-whisper. You were desperate now for any friction so you moved your hands to his back trying to pull him closer and take off his clothes. You needed to feel his skin. Just as you grazed the hem of his shirt and started to pull it up he stopped and stumbled off of you.

“No,” he said, rage clearly building inside him, “You are not to touch me.” You looked at him, concern flooding your face. This man was a mystery to you, you barely knew him but something about the way he flinched away at your touch made you hurt for him and made you long to touch him even more. “Do you understand!” he said, raising his voice in agitation. 

“Yes sir, I’m sorry I didn’t know,” you said, voice barely a murmur. His hand rubbed at his temples and slid down his face stopping at his jaw, eyes closed, trying to regain control and compose himself. 

A moment passed before he was grabbing your skirt at your hips and tugging it off with aggression. He balled your skirt in his fist and slammed it on the ground before climbing back into the bed. He gripped your knees and forced your legs open wide.

“Take off your top,” he demanded. You obeyed. With your shirt off you were now completely exposed aside from your undergarments. You could feel the heat rush to your face as you suddenly became more aware of your nakedness especially since he was still fully clothed. These were the times when you felt most insecure. Even though he had already seen you naked before everything was happening so fast then and your mind hadn’t even caught up with your body enough to make you aware. You wondered if he had already noticed the few stretch marks you had scattered over your body, if he would notice the way your extra skin jiggled when he touched you. Suddenly he was looking at you and something in his eyes made you realize he could tell something was wrong. It passed like a fleeting moment and you broke his gaze by turning your head into the pillow.

He grabbed your wrists, one over the other in his one hand, and pushed them above your head. “Your hands are not to move from this position if they do you will pay for it.” His voice was husky and taut. You nodded your head in agreement, hands in place. 

His hands quickly found your breast kneading them through the fabric of your bra. His mouth was on your collarbone, then down your sternum. When he reached your breasts he pulled the fabric down, taking each one in his mouth sucking and nipping at the sensitive flesh. You were putty underneath him, moaning at his touch. But you could tell he was still holding back. He then traveled down just below your stomach to your center. 

“Did you wear these just for me?” he asked, making eye contact from his current position. He was gorgeous in the white light the moon provided pouring in through the windows and you could get used to looking at him like that, between your thighs. 

“Yes, Daddy.” You don’t know what took over you or where that even came from. You were nervous to see his reaction to the pet name. But to your surprise, it seemed to turn him on even more. He bit at the fabric between your legs and using his teeth pulled them down your legs. Once they were off he returned to your core tracing two fingers along your slit and you shuddered at his touch. 

“Already so wet for me, kitten.” You could tell he was smirking just from the sound of his voice. You had shut your eyes trying hard not to move your hands. You didn’t want to disobey him. Not yet at least. Your body rippled at the sensation of his thumb on your clit pressing tight circles as two of his fingers plunged inside your entrance curling and scraping at your walls. You could feel yourself reaching your climax quickly. 

“Please Daddy, I’m going to come,” you moaned. 

“You want to come on my fingers hmm?” he asked. He didn’t even let you respond before, “then come.”

His approval was all you needed to push you over the edge as you came, clenching around his fingers pumping inside you. He moved quickly, unfastening his belt and releasing his throbbing cock. You still weren’t used to its size and the way it stretched you. You could see his head starting to leak with pre-cum which made your own pussy clench knowing that you had done that to him. He slid his length along your slit coating it in your wetness before thrusting into you as you adjusted to his size. You didn’t think you’d ever get over the way he made you feel when he was inside you. He filled you completely as he steadied his thrusts, hands gripping the side of your hips. 

“Oh fuck,” you screamed, “you feel amazing.” His pace started to quicken as he began chasing his release. You felt him hitting your g-spot and could feel your second orgasm starting to rip through your body. You started clenching around him as you chased your climax. He could feel that you were close too.

“You’re going to come again for Daddy” he demanded, “You’re going to come on my cock kitten.”

With only a few more thrusts you were there. Your second orgasm making your whole body shake and convulse from the pleasure. Kylo was still thrusting into you fast as you came down from your high, clenching around him. You wished you could touch him to aid him in his release but all you had was your words.

“Gods Kylo, fuck me.”

With your words, he came spilling his seed inside you. He hovered over you for a few moments as he began to soften inside of you. Your eyes met, chests heaving, and out of breath. You had never noticed he had a small scar above his eyebrow. Forgetting his orders not to touch him, you traced it with your finger pushing a small strand of his dark hair out of the way in order to do so. He shuddered as you touched him and he pulled out of you, put himself together, and walked out the bedroom door disappearing from your sight without another word. 

You took that as your cue to leave. You quickly made your way to the bathroom and cleaned yourself up. You gathered your clothes off the floor of the bedroom and got dressed. You walked out of the bedroom and retraced your steps until you found the staircase. Kylo was sitting on the couch when you got downstairs. You made your way over to him.

“Thank you um for the wine and,” you trailed off not really sure if thanking him for sex felt like the right thing to do. 

“I would like to see you again,” he said, shocking you, “That is if you’re willing. Though you should know this wouldn’t be like your typical relationship. It would be more of an arrangement.”

“So what you’re saying is you want me to be your fuck buddy.” His silence was your answer. You considered his proposal. Rey had warned you to be careful but you could take care of yourself. After your break-up with Dak, you had constantly said you weren’t in the mood to start dating again and have to deal with subjecting yourself to another relationship. Maybe this would be good for you. A way to have your own specific needs taken care of without having to deal with the commitment. 

“Ok,” you said as you extended your hands towards him. He was all business not showing the slightest hint of emotion. He took your hand in his and shook on your agreement. 

“Did you drive here?” he asked. 

“No, I took an Uber.”

“That must have been expensive. I’ll have my driver Elliot take you home.”

“Thank you.” He took his phone out of his pocket and made a quick call.

He walked with you out into his small lobby and you pressed the button on the elevator. It opened almost instantly and you stepped through pressing the button to the ground floor. As the doors began to close, Kylo gave you a devilish smirk.

“Until next time,” he said and the doors shut leaving you alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello my loves!! I'm so sorry for the long wait I was incredibly unmotivated writing this chapter because I was going through some personal stuff but I did it! I hope you enjoy this chapter!! I swear there is a plot to this story. Sometimes I feel like that doesn't come across in my writing at all. I have some really great stuff planned for this fic and I can't wait to write it! Whether I do what's in my head justice or not is TBD lol! As always enjoy! and you can always find me on twitter, my DM's are always open! xo Laur


	5. A Broken Melody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo had texted you almost every night the next few weeks. Today was a big day at work for you and you ended it with a text from Kylo asking to see you tonight and things were different this time.

Kylo had texted you almost every night the next few weeks. You had gone over to his penthouse just like before only this time, Kylo’s driver, Elliot was in charge of picking you up and taking you back home. It was kind of him to offer you his driver so you wouldn’t have to constantly be paying for an Uber. You would go to his place at the same time every night, not a minute earlier. Things went practically identical to the first night. You would greet one another, he would offer you a drink, and then he’d lead you to the bedroom, and afterward, you would leave. 

But each night you tried to ask him a question while you were having your drink. Even though this was an arrangement and not a relationship didn’t mean you didn’t want to get to know him. You could tell he was agitated by your questions and your almost constant prying into his life but it didn’t stop you. You were curious about the young entrepreneur millionaire who spoke Gucci and ran a tech empire. Behind the brooding man and the thick walls he so clearly had built up around him, was a man of mystery, someone you were desperate to know, someone who you felt you might have a real connection to. 

You had also been super busy at work. You had been praised by your boss and the higher-ups for your work on both of Kylo’s pieces. It seems that in a way he really helped launch your career. You were getting assigned more and more pieces every day. Things were really going great for once, even your friends could see it.

At family dinner, they couldn’t stop asking you about Kylo and your new arrangement. They all were so supportive of you doing this for you but Rey being the amazing friend she is, still made sure to look out for you by asking the important questions. She wanted to make sure you weren’t going to get attached to something that might have no future. She wanted to ensure that you didn’t get hurt. 

-  
-  
-  
-

Today you had gotten a big project at work that you were over the moon about. You were so happy that people were starting to appreciate you as an artist and you were thankful that they had given you the opportunity to do what you love every day. The project had taken up most of your day so you were not able to check your phone at all. It was currently 6:00 pm as you finished up your edits and sent them to your boss. You finally had time to check your phone and saw you had a text from Kylo. He wanted to see you tonight. You really didn’t feel like going back to your apartment then having to get back in the car to go to his penthouse. 

You texted him back and told him you had just finished up at work and hadn’t left the office yet. 

“Hey, sorry big day at work today! I’m still at the office but I really don’t feel like going back to my apartment only to just go out again. Do you think you could have Elliot pick me up at work?”

“You want to stay at your office until 8:30 at night?”

“Well I was thinking maybe I could come earlier tonight if that’s alright with you”

“Ok.”

Kylo Ren wasn’t a texter. That much was clear but he wasn’t really even a communicator the more you thought about it. 

You walked out of the office and waited just outside the door. You needed some fresh air after being cooped up in the office all those hours. The air was crisp and cool as you breathed it in. You could smell the sweet, meaty scent of pizza being made at the shop across the street. A gust of wind nipped at your face and you bundled your coat and scarf up more to protect you from its icy feel. While you waited you pulled out your phone to check your social apps. Suddenly an eerie feeling crept up your body. You had a feeling someone was watching you. You quickly looked up from your phone and took in your surroundings. There was no one around. 

Just as you were about to check your Instagram the familiar black Range Rover pulled up and Elliot hopped out quickly to open the door for you.

“Hi Elliot!” you gave him a cheerful smile as you slid into the car. 

“Evening miss,” he said as he shut the door and climbed back in the driver’s seat. 

It was strange arriving at Kylo’s so much earlier than normal. Everything about his penthouse was different during sunset. The whole place looked like a dream. You were high from the adrenaline work provided you today and now getting to be at Kylo’s when it was still daylight? You couldn't help yourself from grinning ear to ear. You weren’t sure if Kylo noticed how good of a mood you were in but you didn’t care. Nothing could spoil the amazing day you were having. 

A strange feeling coursed through your body as you turned to see that something was out of place. Something that was always there but was bare every time, seemingly untouched. His dining table had been set and the delicious smell of hot food made your stomach grumble. You hadn’t realized until now that you didn’t really get a chance to eat anything at all today. You turned around to look at him, shock and amazement in your eyes.

“I thought you might be hungry,” he said as he made his way towards the fridge to grab the usual chilled bottle of wine. 

“Wow, thank you! I haven’t eaten all day. Did you make this?” you asked, wondering if cooking was one of his hidden talents. 

He was mid pour when he looked up at you only with his eyes, not moving his head the slightest bit. He looked at you with a firm glance and something in his eyes you hadn’t seen before. Disappointment? Worry. But it was only a matter of seconds before his focus was back on the wine. It was like he was upset with you for not eating. It was like he cared. 

“No, it’s catered,” he answered finally. 

You seated yourself at the table. A plate full of the most delicious looking Pesto Orecchiette with shrimp sat before you. 

“How did you know?” you asked as he placed the glass of wine next to your plate. Kylo always looked on edge when you spoke as if you would make him spill all his dark secrets or that the world would explode before your very eyes. It made you question yourself sometimes. On several occasions you had wondered if he thought talking to you was actually so bad. 

“Know what?” he replied, taking his own seat across from you. 

“That these are two of my favorite foods! Seafood and pasta! It would have been really funny if I had an allergy to shellfish,” you chuckled.

“I didn’t,” he responded coldly and not amused. Your face fell at his words. Of course, you didn’t actually think he knew but it would have been nice just this once for him to play along. But that was Kylo for you. He had been all business since the moment you met. You could tell there was a sarcastic, humorous person waiting to be released inside of him but you accepted the defeat that you would never see him. You think he felt bad for his response because he was the first to start the conversation. Tonight was full of surprises from him. 

You had prepared yourself to eat in silence but his booming voice echoed, “So, how was work?”

“It was so great!” You livened up again at the opportunity to talk about your day which also meant you couldn’t stop yourself from talking. Once you start about something you love it’s hard to stop. 

Dak had always hated that about you. Once he got the information he wanted he became disinterested and agitated telling you ‘don’t you ever just shut up?’

But it was weird because Kylo seemed genuinely interested. Either that or he’s a great actor. He watched you intently as you spoke memorizing the way each word fell off your tongue. He would only break away from your gaze to grab a forkful of food and place it in his mouth. It was strange watching him eat. For some reason, Kylo had been this enigma to you over the past few weeks, inhuman almost because you hadn’t truly seen him. But tonight for the first time he seemed real, just a normal guy who eats pasta at his dining table. 

“I’m sorry, I’m rambling,” you said finally after several minutes of talking. “How’s work for you?” You figured this would be safe ground for conversation since he had asked you and you were only politely returning the favor. 

“Busy,” a pause, “stressful.” 

Silence. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” you pressed. You had both cleaned your plates already and were just sipping on your wine. 

“No.” 

You figured that would be his answer.

“Well just know you can talk to me if you want to, our arrangement might just be for sex but we can still have conversation too.” 

You were desperate for him to say something but he didn’t. You had already found yourself reminding you that sex was all it was. But you wanted him to want you. And not just in the physical way. He made you feel alive and you started to feel some sort of connection to him, one that you had never felt with anyone ever before. You pushed the thoughts from your mind quickly because you knew if you continued down that path it would only lead to heartbreak. 

Kylo stood from his seat and headed for the stairs. That was his cue. And so you followed him and found yourself in the same bedroom you had been visiting for weeks but never sleeping in. The room became more comfortable each time you stepped through the door somehow. He went into the bathroom like usual to change into his typical t-shirt and sweats. He still had not taken his clothes off for you. You had to let it up to your imagination what he looked like underneath all the fabric. A greek god carved of muscle and strength. You wondered if he would ever trust you enough to show you. 

You had come straight from work so you were wearing your work clothes and you hadn’t prepared your undergarments for a night with Kylo at 6:30 am. It made you slightly self-conscious but something told you he wouldn’t mind.

You removed your clothes and waited for him on the bed. When he finally emerged from the bathroom he held a familiar black rope in his hand. He had been tying your hands to the bedposts to prevent you from touching him. You couldn’t help yourself at times, you needed that physical connection to him. But you respected his wishes. You knew something had happened to him to make him shudder at your touch. Plus you didn’t mind being tied up, you couldn’t lie that it turned you on more. 

“Are you ready to be tied up kitten?” 

You nodded immediately as he took your wrists in his hands and began making knots, confining you to the bed. 

“First I’m going to fuck that pretty little mouth of yours,” he said as he removed his length from his pants. It was already hard and you wondered if he had been thinking about his cock in your mouth all throughout dinner. 

You should eat here more often you thought to yourself. 

He brought his tip to your mouth and you opened wide as he began thrusting into your throat. You never tired of the taste of him. His grunts were louder, his breathing heavier. Your mouth on his cock did something different to him and you liked that. 

“This is what your mouth deserves after teasing me like that all night,” he said between shallow breaths. 

His thrusts got more aggressive as you tried to keep yourself from gagging. His hand found your breast, fingers slinking underneath the fabric of your bra and starting to knead the flesh. He rolled his fingers over your hardening nipples and you couldn’t breathe. You felt a pool of wetness grow in between your legs and only figured your panties would be soaked by the time he was finished. 

You tried your best to keep your tongue licking his shaft as you took all of him in you. You could feel him in your throat and you knew he loved it. You let out several cries and moans as tears began running down from your eyes. He stopped his thrusts and began to pull out of you but not before you could wrap your mouth around him letting him exit your mouth with a “pop.”

He grunted. “Are you wet for me, kitten? I want to come inside that sweet little pussy of yours” he whispered in your ear before making his descent to your thighs. 

You looked down at him and responded, “Yes Daddy.” He hooked his thumbs underneath the fabric and pulled them off your legs and onto the floor. He placed small bites along your inner thighs where you were sure you’d have bruises the next day. You loved it when left marks all over your body. His mouth found your clit sucking it and lapping up your slick with his tongue. You used the ropes tying you to the bed for support as you bucked your hips into him desperately needing more. You would always feel insecure when he went down on you. The angle he had looking at you surely wasn’t the greatest and you were always nervous that he wouldn’t like the way you tasted or the way you looked down there. But man did it feel good.

“Gods that feels amazing,” you whined. 

Not straying from your clit, Kylo took two fingers and lined your slit coating them in your wetness before plunging them into your pussy. 

“You taste so good kitten, I love having this tight pussy all to myself. All mine.”

His words were bringing you close to the edge. You could feel your hand slipping out of one of the ropes but it didn’t register in your mind. Once your hand was free, without even thinking, the movement so natural, it darted to his hair, his shoulders, trying to get him closer to you. 

It took him a second to realize what happened before he was off of you, grabbing your wrist and tying your hand back to the bedpost, this time in a much tighter knot. It was uncomfortable and you knew at any minute you would feel it beginning to cut off your circulation. 

“You know the rules, kitten, you aren’t supposed to touch me. When you do, you get punished.”

He grabbed your hips and in one forceful movement turned you so that you were laying on your stomach, arms crossed over the other from the rope. He now stood at the edge of the bed and grabbing your ankles, he pulled you down so that your feet were on the floor and you were bent over the bed. Luckily the ropes were extra long so you could be moved by him. 

“Bad girls get spanked, so you’re going to count. If it gets to be too much I need you to tell me to stop.”

“Yes Daddy,” you spoke softly, your arousal only building inside you. He thrust his cock inside you and found his pace. It was fast, unrelenting, wild. It felt so good having him fill you then suddenly and without warning a hard crack as the pain seared from your ass cheek. 

“One,” you moaned as the heat and sting on your cheek began to build. 

It wasn’t until the fifth hard smack that tears began to form in your eyes for the second time that night. Your ass felt raw but you were determined to take it since you could tell the two of you were getting close to your release. The pain mixed with the pleasure and the heat of your climax started to build. 

“Please Daddy, I’m going to come,” you barely spoke between the heaves of breathing and tears. 

“I don’t know if I should let you come pet, you’ve been so naughty,” he said teeth clenching together and delivering another slap to your ass. 

“But I’ve taken my punishment so well, please Kylo please, I want to come on your cock!” you screamed in desperation. 

He rubbed your ass where he last slapped you before finagling his hand underneath you. He began pressing tight circles on your clit and your whole body shook. It was stimulating. The movements of his cock thrusting inside you hitting you in that perfect little spot no one could ever reach, his rough thumb on your sensitive clit, and the pain your ass had endured. It wasn’t long before you were spasming and coming hard on his cock screaming out his name in praises. You saw white, like a bright light leading you into the most erotic experience of your life. 

“That’s my good kitten, no one can make you come like I do.” His continued thrusts helped you come down from your orgasm as you clenched around him to aid in his own release. 

“Tell me!” he yelled breathy and hot. 

“No one can make me come like you, Daddy!” Before you knew it he was spilling hot ropes of come inside you as his cock twitched and throbbed. 

He pulled out of you almost instantly to your disappointment. He felt so good, so warm inside you, you wished he would stay and hold you and never let you go.

He stuffed his cock back into his pants and moved to untie you from the bed. He lingered, holding the wrist that had been re-tied, in his hands a moment longer. Once he had let go, you saw what he had been looking at. There was a faint purple ring around your wrist from the rope. You didn’t mind but you could see the gears in Kylo’s mind turning. He seemed upset like he wanted to do something. But his mind would not let him.

“You can stay here tonight if you’d like, there are extra clothes in the dresser.”

You stood up completely stunned at his words. But you had no time to respond because like a ghost, that quick he had left the room and gone. You couldn’t help but feel how fast your heart was beating. Him asking you to stay should mean nothing but somehow it did. It meant everything. 

You scurried into the bathroom and figured Kylo wouldn’t mind if you used the shower quickly to clean up. You turned the water on and let the warm rainfall over your sensitive skin. You could feel the tingling sensation when the pressure of the water hit an area that Kylo had littered with bruises or slaps. You wet your hair and used the available soap to wash your body. You found a nice sweater in the dresser and quickly put it on wriggling into its warmth and comfort. It was big enough that it fell perfectly over your bum so you didn’t feel the need to wear pants. You climbed into bed and wrapped yourself in the soft, silky sheets and relaxed into the comfort of the mattress. The bed was huge and you felt so small lying in it. It also felt incredibly empty not being able to share it with someone. But, it didn’t take long for you to fall into a deep, comfortable sleep.   
-  
-  
-  
-  
You awoke to a distant melody. Groggy and confused you pushed yourself up and out of the bed. You finally realized where you were and panic set in thinking that you had overslept. But it was still dark out. You walked over to the only window in the bedroom. It was large enough for you to see the view from every angle. The lights of the city always looked so beautiful at night. It was rare for you to ever see them all like this from a distance. They twinkled in the night as if they were all scattered stars waiting for someone to reach out and grab them. 

The melody that awoke you continued and you followed the sound of it. You stood on the balcony of the staircase and looked down to see Kylo at the piano. You stayed quiet. You did not want him to know you were awake, you did not want him to see you watching. But more importantly, you did not want to disturb him. It was as if you could see the stress release from his body each time his fingers danced over the keys. The man was good with his hands. You could tell this was absolution for him and it was beautiful to watch. He sat so high above the keys, his large frame towering over them. The melody he was playing was so sad, so dark and tragic it brought tears to your eyes. You wanted to reach out and touch him, to help him heal from whatever pain he harbored deep inside him that created such a tune. The last thing you saw before you turned to go back to the bedroom was a broken man desperate for someone to pick up his fragile pieces and put him back together, to make him whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE!! (well maybe not really) I wanted to get this chapter up early since I made all you lovelies wait last week! I really hope you like this chapter as much as I do! I'm so grateful for all your comments they mean the absolute world to me and makes my heart soar that you like this story so far! Because of how amazing you are I'll let you in on a little secret. The next chapter is going to be from Kylo's pov! Ahh I'm so excited! Anyway, thank you for being here, and like always my DMs on twitter are always open! xo, Laur


	6. This Slope is Treacherous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo gets called into work on the weekend but he can't stop thinking about her. His thoughts are dangerous and he can't escape the war happening in his mind. And a letter from his mother doesn't help things much.

Kylo woke up early to the sound of his phone buzzing. It was the office and it was never a good sign when they called on the weekend.

They needed him to come in.

He got himself dressed and gathered his things. He was about to leave when he remembered she had stayed the night. This was new. He never had anyone stay the night.

Kylo knew she had to still be sleeping and he didn’t want to wake her. She had seemed shocked when he told her she could stay and he didn’t blame her after the way he treated her last night. He hadn’t even kissed her and for some reason, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He had stayed up practically all night thinking about it, hoping to find solace in the piano. There was none.

He sent her phone a text message…

**Had to go into work. Feel free to take any of the food in the fridge. Elliot is at your disposal.**

And he left his penthouse and headed to the office.

-

-

-

-

It was a mess at the office and Kylo really wasn’t in the mood to have to fix everyone’s shit especially on a Saturday but, it was his job, it’s what he signed up for when he decided to start his own business. Deep down he knew he’d rather have it this way than having no say whatsoever.

When he finally had a moment of peace amidst the chaos around him, his mind wandered to her. She hadn’t responded to his text. He had thought it sounded ok and he thought she’d appreciate it if he let her sleep. But for some reason, he felt uneasy about the situation.

For once in his life, he felt a connection. A real, honest connection to someone. He had such a strong desire not to hurt her even though hurt was all he knew. She is so innocent, so naive. He couldn’t subject her to his life, to his ghosts, his pain, his torment. In his mind, subconsciously, not kissing her last night was supposed to make it easier. He thought by not allowing that kind of intimacy, he would be protecting her, protecting them both from a future filled with nothing but pain. But, he found he only craved it more. She was intoxicating. Not just her body but the way she smiles and lights up the room when she is excited about something. He has lived in darkness his entire life but she was like open curtains on a bright morning shining into a pitch-black room. He had to adjust his eyes to the light and once he did he didn’t ever want to stop looking.

These were dangerous thoughts. He had to stop thinking this way, it was making him weak. So, he focused his mind back on work. Once he was able to successfully get his company back in order he headed home after a long day.

Kylo entered his building and was given his mail by the gentleman at the front desk. He sorted through the pile that was given to him as he rode the elevator up to the top floor. Most of the time the only mail he ever got was just junk. His body tensed as he reached the last piece of mail and noticed the familiar handwriting on the manila envelope. His mother.

Kylo had not seen his family in years. When he was old enough to get out, he did. He went to school, worked hard, and was determined to make his own way in the world without the help of his family. His mother, Leia, came from a very aristocratic family. She took over her family business and made it even more successful. She was like royalty in the business world, buying and selling real estate, becoming an untouchable entity of wealth and reputation. It seemed that everywhere Kylo went when he was young, someone knew his mother, his family, and gave him special treatment just because of it. He was sick of it and that's why he had changed his name after he left. He no longer wanted to be associated with his mother, with his family, especially when she really wasn’t even a mother to him. They never had a good relationship and it only got worse after his father died. She became even more distant and he barely ever saw her.

He was practically raised by his Uncle Snoke who wasn’t even his own blood. He was a family friend, a most trusted advisor, and apparently, the only person around that could supervise a kid. Kylo’s mother had a brother, Luke. He could have stepped in but he disappeared and hasn’t been seen or heard from since. With his parents constantly traveling he was left in Snoke’s care. Just thinking about his time with him filled Kylo with anger and rage.

He pulled out the contents to see a handwritten note and a photo. The photo showed a row of big homes all with SOLD signs and in the foreground was a man. His Uncle Snoke. He looked the same, only a bit older. He stood tall with his typical empty expression on his face. He always looked menacing, that hadn’t changed. His bald head made the ugly scar on his face stand out. The note from his mother was short. Exactly how he had expected it to be.

_**Business is booming as you can see. Your Uncle Snoke has been a real help. It’s been too long, Ben. You can’t put off your responsibility and duty to this family forever. It’s time to come home.** _

_**Leia** _

Ben. He had grown to hate his birth name. He couldn’t be himself with it. He was constantly manipulated by his family to do things their way. It was only until he took on a new identity that he finally had a sense of freedom. And nothing was going to stop him from keeping that freedom, not even the stupid plans his mother has for his future.

He was full of frustration now having years of horrible memories flooding back into his mind. Memories he so desperately tried to forget. He could never escape them in his dreams but his time awake was the only chance he had to forget. And this letter wasn’t helping. He needed to take a drive and try to clear his head. He grabbed the note and photo, ripped it up, and threw it in the trash. He wouldn’t be replying.

-

-

-

-

It felt good to get behind the wheel of the car and just drive. He was in control. As his mind pushed out thoughts from his past, they were replaced with thoughts of her. He knew even those thoughts were treacherous. His mind was at war, fighting a battle for peace that his physical body could not help with. It was exhausting and it was making him hungry.

His favorite Chinese takeout place was nearby and that was exactly what he needed right now. His speed increased, taking his frustration out as his foot pressed deeper into the gas. He weaved in and out of the lanes filling his body with adrenaline until he reached his destination.

He parked and entered the small building. It wasn’t as busy as he was expecting for a Saturday and he only noticed one person in line ahead of him.

He could feel the heat rising in his chest when he realized it was her. He wasn’t sure what to do. If he should approach her or let her see him first. After the way they left things he wasn’t even sure if she wanted to see him. But in the time it took him to come to a decision she had turned around with her food in hand and saw him.

Her eyes went big, in total shock to see him so unexpectedly.

“Hi,” she said softly. “What- what are you doing here?”

“I was hungry and this is my favorite takeout place,” he replied, colder than he meant for it to be. 

She smiled and almost chuckled at the coincidence. He was relieved that she seemed ok.

“This is my favorite takeout place too, I live just around the corner.”

He fought the urge to smile from ear to ear. He really had no idea what was going on with him lately and why she made him feel so...so happy.

“I’m sorry about this morning, I didn’t want to wake-” she cut him off before he could finish.

“Oh it’s no big deal,” she said waving a hand to move on from the topic, “I understand you’re busy.”

She didn’t seem like it wasn’t a big deal but she had given him the opportunity to move on from the subject and he gladly took it. They stood in silence for a bit not knowing how to proceed. Finally, Kylo broke the quiet.

“Do you want to come back to my place to eat?” He wasn’t sure if she would even say yes and he wasn’t really sure why he even asked her but he liked her company and after the day he had, he could use someone to take his mind off things.

She agreed and he grabbed his own meal and led her out the door. The drive back was silent and so was most of the dinner. He could tell she was being more reserved with him and he couldn’t figure out why. Had she seen something? She had excused herself to the bathroom and Kylo stepped out onto the patio.

It was a beautiful fall evening, the skies were clear, it was cool but not cold enough that it was unbearable. He leaned over the railing looking out at the city. He felt heavy. Like he was constantly carrying an invisible weight on his shoulders. He needed to feel weightless. He craved it. The pool was heated and was begging for him to jump in.

He moved to take off his shirt as she found him and joined him on the patio. Once he had taken off his shirt the realization hit him that she had not seen him shirtless. He could feel her gaze on him, burning into his skin. He could feel her taking the time to soak in every detail. Every terrible scar that littered his back. He turned to face her and even at their distance he could see the tears welling in her eyes. He jumped into the water before she could say anything else. As he surfaced he saw she still had her eyes on him, studying him, pitying him. He didn’t like it.

“Get in,” he said sharply. She paused blinking a few times to push back the tears. But, she obeyed, stripping down to her undergarments, she walked in comforted by the warm water as it wrapped around her body. She didn’t come close, he could feel she was being cautious.

He began moving towards her until they were barely touching. He was looking into her eyes with an intensity even he felt. Gold flecks scattered her irises, she was beautiful. He grabbed her, arms consuming her around her waist. In the same movement her legs wrapped around his waist, hands cupping his face careful not to touch his upper body.

Her lips crashed into him, surprising him. It was deep, passionate even and he couldn’t help but kiss her back. He felt her relax when he did, reassuring her that her choice in kissing him was ok. She was warm and inviting allowing his tongue to slip in and graze her own. She tasted sweet and he couldn’t get enough. His hands roamed her back and gripped her ass pushing her closer to him. She broke away breathing heavily, forehead resting on his own. She looked into his eyes, uncertainty covering her face as her fingers caressed his cheeks.

“What happened to you Kylo...your back it’s-” she couldn’t finish before he was pushing her off of him creating cavities of space between them.

“I’m sorry I just- please, I just want to know you,” she pleaded looking at him.

“WHY!” he yelled, “This arrangement between us is just that, an arrangement. There is no reason for you to want to get to know me and trust me, you wouldn’t want to.”

She was fighting back tears at his words. He had known this was a bad idea from the start but he had hoped maybe she would be different, that she wouldn’t get so easily attached. But seeing her hurt, he couldn’t help but feel a pang of guilt for the way he acted.

“It’s getting cold, we should go in,” he said. He walked out of the pool and dried himself with a towel before offering you one and putting his clothes back on. Once you both were fully dressed and back inside, he gestured to the couch. He didn’t feel right sending her home like this. He sensed her unease of staying with him any longer but she still seated herself on the couch.

Kylo sat next to her, space between them and he turned on the TV. It didn’t take long for them both to start dozing and to eventually fall asleep. Neither made a move to get up and leave or go to a bed. They just fell asleep there on the couch next to the other.

Kylo woke up in the middle of the night to a head resting on his chest and his own arms wrapped around her familiar body. Somehow in the night, they had gravitated towards each other for the comfort they desperately needed. For some reason, this, lying with her in his arms, felt more intimate than sex. Something they didn’t even have last night. It scared him. He couldn’t subject himself to such weakness and he couldn’t have her catching the wrong idea.

He slowly moved his hands from around her and replaced his chest with a pillow as he slipped off to his own bedroom. He laid atop his sheets, eyes wide unable to rest, his mind racing. She had been a comfort to him today and that terrified him. But it was the first time in years that he had actually rested, mind free of the nightmares. Maybe she was different.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, lovelies! I hope you enjoyed this chapter from Kylo's perspective. I tried to captivate how I feel he would react to feeling new things and seeing someone begin to love him. I don't know how accurate it is but I think he is certainly capable of love he just gets frustrated and angry when he senses himself feeling because he considers it a weakness and he doesn't feel anyone is capable of loving him. So that's where the base of this chapter came from! I really do hope you liked it! Thank you so much for taking the time to read! xo, Laur


	7. Turbulence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a strange night with Kylo, it takes you a few days to try and process the events that occurred. You also have a huge job opportunity that takes you away from the city for a few days. Kylo finds out your gone and isn't happy about it.

Your last night with Kylo was unexpected, to say the least. You certainly weren’t expecting to see him show up at your favorite take-out place right near your own apartment. But even more so, you weren’t planning on going back to his penthouse that night.

That night was the first time you had seen him without a shirt. You weren’t sure if he had meant for you to see it but by the time you had, it was too late for him to cover it up again. You could feel your heart break into a million little pieces when you saw the deep scars that scattered his back. You knew Kylo Ren was a broken man but you couldn’t fathom the amount of pain he must have endured to have such scars. You had resisted the urge to just pull him close to you and hold him. He had gotten upset when he caught you staring with tears in your eyes. He got even more upset when you tried to ask him about what happened to him. It was hard for you to see how much he’s been hurt in the past, it only made your heart ache for him more, wanting to show him and give him the love he didn’t seem to think he deserved.

And then you had stayed the night for the second time, not remembering when you fell asleep but waking up on the couch to an empty penthouse. Kylo was gone. This time there was no text, no note, just Elliot waiting for you in the lobby to take you home.

But that was five days ago and now you were getting ready to have your family for Thursday dinner. You hadn’t heard from Kylo since. It didn’t surprise you as he had gone radio silent before but there was some fear in the back of your mind that maybe it was all over and the thought of that made you sick. You knew you shouldn’t even be feeling this way, that you shouldn’t care, but after the night you had with him, you only cared more. It had been torture the past five days more so than it ever has. You just wished he would show you some sign that he was alive. But you quickly tried to push those thoughts aside because tonight you were going to have some much needed “catch-up” time with your little family.

Rey and Finn arrived together as you and Poe were putting the finishing touches on your meal. You all sat down at the table discussing your week as you cleaned your plates. You found out that after Rey’s audition went incredibly well, she was offered a role in a television show that was being filmed right in the city. You were ecstatic for her, it was a great opportunity and you were glad that she would still be close. Both Poe and Finn had been incredibly busy at school and managing internships on top of it. After celebrating Rey’s acting gig, there was a lot of ranting about their internship experiences.

“I’m just tired of having to get coffee every day, I was thinking I would be doing something a little bit more important than that,” Poe said and Finn noddingly agreed.

“Well, that’s how I started, and look where it got me,” you said enthusiastically. “It sucks but it looks great on a resume no matter what you do there.”

“Yea miss big shot over here is so essential they’re taking her on a vacation to Boston,” Rey said winking at you.

“It’s technically not a vacation if it’s for work, but it’ll be nice to get out of New York for a while,” you said, shrugging.

You had told them about what happened with Kylo of course but, it was a quick conversation. You honestly just wanted to move on from it and listen to more important things like what was happening in your friend’s lives. But you could see they all understood why you needed a break from NY.

They smiled at you, excited about your upcoming adventure and you couldn’t help but be excited too. You had never been to Boston before and this was a huge opportunity for you. Entrepreneur Magazine wanted a 3-page story on a businesswoman based in Boston for their next issue and they chose you to be the photographer for the piece. You really hoped that this opportunity could lead you to even better things.

“When do you leave again?” Finn asked.

“Tomorrow actually, I have a pretty early flight out of JFK.”

Everyone wished you luck and safe travels on your trip before leaving for the night, Rey and Poe both making sure you would text them the second you land. You were going for a long weekend, staying until Monday and you couldn’t wait. You were almost too excited to sleep.

You laid in your bed watching the minutes pass, hoping to feel your eyes begin to close but you couldn’t stop thinking about Kylo. You were angry at him for not reaching out but that anger was hidden by concern and worry. What you had seen was not easy for both of you. He had given you a glimpse of his vulnerability and now it felt like he was pushing you away, trying desperately to forget he ever did so. You certainly didn’t want that but you knew how he felt about your relationship. If this was what it was, a strictly sexual arrangement, then there was no reason for you to even be angry with him for not contacting you.

Those were the thoughts that helped you drift off to sleep and then the blaring of your alarm clock woke you up. You moved quicker than usual this time and you weren’t sure if it was from the excitement or the fact that you actually needed to be on time in order to make your flight.

It was a quick flight, you texted both Rey and Poe once you landed, and the company even arranged for a driver to pick you up and take you straight to the office. You needed to have a brief meeting to discuss logistics and creative ideas for the shoot on Saturday morning. If everything went well on Saturday you would have all of Sunday to explore the city before leaving Monday morning.

You spent hours in the office with the Boston branch manager discussing the direction they were looking to go. By the time you reached your hotel, you were too exhausted to get ready, go out to eat, and explore the nightlife. Instead, you showered, put on your favorite comfy pajamas, and ordered room service. You had never had the luxury of someone else paying for your room service so you figured you’d take advantage. You were starving and ordered all the comfort foods off the menu, turned the TV on, and waited for the food to arrive. You knew tomorrow was going to be a long and busy day so once you ate you laid down in bed and drifted off to sleep.

-

-

-

-

You had been absolutely right about how your day was going to go. It was hectic and the only time you had to catch your breath was when they brought you something to eat. You were determined to do your best work, give the client exactly what they wanted, and get it done as efficiently as possible so you had Sunday off. Your client was much easier to work with compared to Kylo. But it seemed nothing could go right. It was technical problem after technical problem and it pushed everything back. By the time you were done shooting it was 9 pm. You apologized to the client for keeping her so late but she didn’t seem to mind, she was happy to have it done in one day. You on the other hand still had editing to do. You retreated to your temporary office and figured you’d get it done while you still had some energy left in you.

It was around 1 am when you finally got back to your hotel. Again you were exhausted from a long day you didn’t even bother to change. You plopped down on your bed and passed out.

You woke up on your own time the next day, sun seeping through the windows and blinding you as you opened your eyes. You showered and got dressed ready to explore the city when you realized you hadn’t checked your phone in at least 24 hours. You grabbed it but when you went to open it, it was just a black screen. The battery was dead. You quickly grabbed your portable charger and plugged in before leaving your room for a day filled with sightseeing.

You finally got your phone on only to be greeted by 50 missed calls from Kylo. You felt bad that you had missed his calls but you were so busy yesterday you didn’t even get a second to glance at your phone. You sat down on a nearby bench and just as you were about to return his call and incoming call from him popped up. You answered quickly.

“Hello?”

“Where the hell have you been I’ve been trying to reach you since yesterday afternoon.” His tone was sharp, angry. You didn’t like being attacked like this before you had a chance to explain.

“I’m sorry but I-” he cut you off.

“Come over,” a pause, “NOW.” You were pissed off now, the anger you had felt after a week of him not contacting you at all was starting to surface.

“I’m not even in the same state as you Kylo,” you responded, not letting your boiling anger hide in your tone.

Silence.

“Where the fuck are you.”

“I don’t think I even want to tell you when you’re speaking to me like that,” you said a sob stuck in your throat threatening to come out.

“Tell me NOW,” he yelled through the phone, enough to make you startle. You really didn’t want to answer him; he really had no right to know anyway but you wanted this conversation to be over.

“I’m in fucking Boston you asshole, I’m here for work and I didn’t answer all day yesterday because, for your information, I was working all day until 1am to be exact, and honestly I’m fucking exhausted,” you yelled right back.

Silence again.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” you could tell he was furious but was trying his hardest not to let it out.

“Why would I need to Kylo, it’s not like we’re in a relationship. We have an arrangement, strictly sexual, you made that VERY clear the other night,” all the anger you had bottled up about the situation between you two and the emotions, and feelings that you were having towards him were finally being set free.

“When you get back to the city you come straight to my place.” That was all he said before he hung up. The tears were falling from your face freely now as you thought about his final words. No way were you going to his place once you got back, was he serious? You tilted your head back taking a deep breath trying to calm the tears away. Looking up seeing the beautiful fall colored leaves falling from the tree above you brought you back to reality. You were in Boston, a new city you’ve never been to before and you weren’t going to let a conversation with Kylo Ren ruin that.

-

-

-

-

You were getting off your flight almost as quickly as you had gotten on it. The weekend flew by so fast and you managed to have a great rest of your day Sunday despite your conversation with Kylo. And now, you had the upper hand because he had no way of controlling whether or not you would go to see him as he demanded. The company driver was picking you up from the airport and he was going to take you home. As you descended the escalator into the lobby you looked amongst the white cards being held for your name. You spotted it and your heart threw for a loop when you saw who was holding it. Elliot. You were so stupid. Of course, he managed to weave his way in. You should have texted Rey or Poe to pick you up.

“Hello miss,” Elliot said politely as always.

You gave him a sad smile, “I’m assuming he managed to cancel my actual pickup?” It was more of a statement rather than a question because you knew the answer.

“Yes miss,” Elliot paused as if he was unsure if he should say his next words, “I’m sorry but I’ll be taking you directly to Mr. Ren’s those were his orders.”

You reassured him that it was ok and on the drive from the airport, you figured it’d be best to get this conversation out of the way anyway. You assumed he’d be pissed and then just break off the arrangement altogether. You didn’t want to admit that the thought of that scared you.

When you arrived at his familiar penthouse doors, something in your body changed and you went into bad bitch mode. He answered by swinging the door open, looking angry as ever but you just pushed right in past him, not even giving him a greeting.

“I’ve had a long couple hours and I feel gross and since you didn’t let me go home, I’m taking a shower here.” You didn’t even wait for his reaction before you were jogging up the stairs to your familiar bedroom, stripping off your clothes, and stepping into the shower water too quickly that it was ice cold. You squealed before hurrying to change the faucet to hot. The pressure of the water against your scalp and body along with the steam circulating throughout the room helped you relax. As upset as you were with Kylo you wanted to talk about things before jumping to any conclusions. Suddenly you felt a cold breeze on your back and you turned around to see the source of it.

Kylo stood before you completely naked, water streaming down his body. You couldn’t breathe, you had never seen him like this before and you certainly weren’t opposed to the view. You knew he was gorgeous but you hadn’t really had the chance to take in his full uncovered body. It was chiseled almost as if he were carved out of marble. You wanted to run your fingers over every line, every muscle. But once you saw his hardening cock you wanted that, inside you, even more.

Kylo lunged towards you immediately attacking your mouth. You were so caught off guard you just stood there, arms at your side, letting him pull you in and kiss you. His familiar taste of mint filling your senses and clouding your judgment, making you want to grab him and pull him close. When you finally came to your senses you pulled away from him, hand coming to your mouth, still feeling his lingering kiss. He was watching you with a furrowed brow trying to understand why you had pulled away.

“Kylo, I just- I can’t when you won’t let me-” your voice trailed off almost afraid of the words that threatened to come out of your own mouth. Your hand moved to cover your eyes to hide the tears threatening to fall down and to relieve yourself of Kylo’s burning gaze. You stood like that for what seemed like an eternity, the shower water continuing to run. You felt Kylo’s hand grab your wrists, bringing your hand away from your face. He guided your hands to his chest, hovering there for a while before he pressed them to his chest. His skin was hot and smooth and you could see his breathing change. He was taking heavy breaths now, eyes closed, jaw tight and clenching. He held your wrists tight as you studied his face.

You were grateful that he was allowing this intimacy, this vulnerability because you knew it was incredibly hard for him. You wanted to let him know that you were grateful for it and that he was safe in allowing you to see this side of him. You pushed up on your tip-toes and kissed him. He jolted back, not expecting the feel of your lips on his own. His grip on your wrists lessened as he kissed you back and you used the opportunity to release from his hold and cup his face in your hands allowing your naked bodies to get closer. His hands gripped your hips so tight as if you were trying to escape and he wouldn’t let you. You could feel his throbbing cock against your stomach and your hand made your way down to grab it, hoping for the chance to finally please him.

His hands on your hips forced you to turn around before you even got the chance, your back now one with his chest. Your arms wrapped around to the back of his neck, hands entwining in his wet hair as his own hands roamed over your wet body. One hand beginning to rub circles over your clit, the other kneading the flesh of your breast and rolling fingers over your hardening nipples. It was stimulating and you leaned your head back into him as he placed a light slap to your pussy. You let out a soft moan, hands tugging on his hair harder trying to keep yourself upright from the orgasm threatening to rip through your body.

“Oh Kylo please I need-” you whined.

“What do you need, kitten, tell me what you need” he whispered in your ear.

“I need you- fuck- I need you inside of me,” you pleaded.

He quickly bent you over on the shower bench and teased your entrance with the tip of his cock. You were dripping wet already and not just from the shower water. The intimacy between the two of you in the shower, both naked and exposed together for the first time, turned you on more than you’ve ever been before.

He thrust into you hard until he was completely filling you. His strong thrusts were paired with slaps to your ass as loud moans escaped your lips. This was how he was releasing his frustration on you. You could feel your ass burning red when he finally pulled you towards his body, his massive, strong, hand squeezing your throat. He was controlling how you breathed and for some fucked reason, you loved it.

“You like that kitten hmm?”

You tried your best to answer but you couldn’t so you answered the only place you could. Your pussy clenched around his cock as he kept hitting your g-spot.

“Mmm fuck,” he grunted feeling your pussy tighten as you began to reach your climax. His thrusts became more uncontrollable and you could hear the slapping of your skin as he began reaching his own peak.

“Kylo,” you managed to get out with a shallow breath. His hand released his grip around your neck and you took deep breaths gaining control of your air supply back.

“Kylo please, I’m gonna come,” you mewled.

His hand found its way back to your clit and began rubbing circles. “Then come kitten, come on my cock.”

Between his thrusts, the pressure on your clit, and the warm water running down your body, your orgasm ripped through your body, causing you to see white. It was one of the strongest orgasms you had ever felt and your chest was heaving trying to catch your breath and keep your body from trembling. You continued to clench around him until he was coming inside you, filling you up and coating your walls. He leaned against you as you both came down from your highs and you could feel his own breath, heavy against your back.

He guided you up slowly so that you were standing up straight and facing him. He was towering over you, both your chests rising and falling as you looked into his eyes. They were softer now and you couldn’t deny you liked seeing them that way.

“Get cleaned up,” he said before exiting and leaving you to finish.

You both dried off covering yourselves with a towel. You made your way to the edge of the bed sitting down, looking at him just watching you. He had just got out most of his frustration on you but you could still tell there was some leftover waiting to be released.

“Why did you care so much that I didn’t tell you I was going to Boston?” you asked softly, trying not to have an ounce of threat in your tone. You didn’t want to piss him off _again_.

“I don’t care,” he quickly replied.

“Well, it seemed like you did on the phone,” you pushed. You knew if you were going to get anywhere, you were going to have to push him. Even though he didn’t like it, you were going to have to have some form of conversation about this.

He didn’t answer.

“Kylo, I need to know if this,” you pointed between you and him, “is still what we started out as because if it is, there is no reason for you to be calling me angry that I didn’t tell you I was going on a work trip. If this is strictly sexual to you then there is no reason either of us should interfere with each other’s lives outside of what we do here. But if this is something more to you then-” you trailed off worrying if you should even continue.

The gears in his head began turning, too fast for him to keep up with, you could almost physically see them.

“I don’t think I can be what you want me to be,” he said finally.

“Kylo, I don’t want you to _be_ anything, I just want to be on the same page. You can’t get all possessive over me if this is just strictly about sex to you, that doesn’t make sense. There were no rules set, no contracts signed, binding me to your beck and call but if that’s what you want, you need to tell me.”

You looked at him, your eyes pleading with his own. But, his were masked, hiding something, and he was careful not to give anything away. You desperately wanted him to say something, anything. But he stood silent. You wished he would just let go of his convictions and tell you what he truly wanted. You hoped that he would say he just wanted _you_. Because if you were being honest you just wanted him. And you would do anything to have _him_. But there was nothing and you weren’t just going to sit around in silence. You had bags to unpack, people to see, and things to do.

So you got dressed, grabbed your things, and walked out of that penthouse realizing you were in love with a man who had no intention of loving you back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: hello!! chapter 7 is finally here! Sorry it took so long for this one but the writing insecurity is REAL. Anyway, I hope you like it and as always if you ever want to chat or need anything at all my DM's are always open on Twitter @adamdsolo xo, Laur


	8. Tricks or Treats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween and there is nothing like Halloween in the city. You and your friends get dressed up and hit up all your favorite clubs. This was a night for forgetting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just some warnings for this chapter. There are mentions of vomiting (from being drunk) and y/n isn't approving of a man touching her back.

You had left Kylo’s penthouse, tears forming in your eyes but proud of yourself for walking out when he wouldn’t give you an answer. Despite your feelings, you needed to stand up for you. You were warned about catching feelings in the beginning. Rey had told you. But you thought it’d be different. You tried so hard to push those feelings aside but the more you did the deeper they got.

It was hard for you to put into words the way you felt about Kylo Ren. He was attractive obviously and of course, the sex was amazing but it was so much more than that. To an outsider, it might seem odd that you had grown to care for someone who didn’t really seem to care about you. But they don’t see him as you do. There were times he did care for you, in his own way. And it was the little things that you fell in love with. Those things you would notice in someone you had a crush on, someone you don’t really know, that only made you fall for them more. You fell in love with the way he smelled, the sternness of his face. The way he would answer the door every night and how you saw some of the tension leave his body when he saw your face. The way he would always run a hand through his hair because of that one strand that constantly fell in his face. It was the small peeks into his life, when he showed the tiniest bits of vulnerability. It was the way he felt under your touch.

The moment he had placed your hands on his chest it had felt like you just plugged something in and a spark of electricity caught your fingers. You had felt his own body tense at the intrusion. Your heart raced, you could feel the blood pumping through your veins. You had never felt that before, never had such a connection to someone that you found difficult to explain. But you had tried to have a serious and much-needed conversation about the future of your relationship/agreement and he had said nothing. He couldn’t even give you an answer. And as much as it hurt, you needed to walk out of there. Once again you were left to wonder if what was between you was now over and you hated it. You hoped that if you would give him time, he might think about what you said, and call you to talk it out but that hadn’t happened.

Your phone buzzed pulling you from your thoughts. It was Rey.

“Hey babe,” her excited voice rang through the phone before you even had the chance to say hello.

“Hello to you too,” you said sarcastically, “What’s up?” you responded. You knew she started filming today so you were a little worried as to why she was calling you.

“Would you want to come to set? It would mean so much to me to have you here plus it’s so exciting and I have no one to freak out with.” She paused, you could hear her holding her breath as she waited for a response.

“Yes of course I would love to, that sounds so exciting!”

She hung up and texted you the address. You quickly got changed in your favorite pair of leggings, booties, a long vest over a sleek, black turtleneck, and a cute hat. The office was closed for the next two days so you didn’t have to go in, which was nice. You could use the long weekend, especially with Halloween a day away. The filming location was closer than you anticipated so you figured you’d walk and take in the beautiful fall day. Fall was your favorite season. Right smack in the middle of summer and winter. It was cool enough to start wearing your favorite comfy clothes but warm enough that you didn’t have to dress in layers just to step outside. Today was one of those perfect days. The sun was shining, warm on your face while a nice cool breeze complimented the heat.

You were on set in no time and you saw Rey in the distance looking down at a script walking in small circles. She was practicing her lines in her head, you had seen her do this plenty of times before. You blended in with the crowd that had formed trying to see the action. You didn’t want Rey to see you and get too excited before she had to shoot a scene. You saw her move into position as the director shouted “ACTION.”

You watched the amazing work your friend was doing. You had never actually seen her this way. In costume, taking on a completely different personality and playing the hell out of it. She had been in her fair share of plays before but somehow, this was different, it seemed more real. She was doing this out here in front of all these people. She was doing it for the world to see not just an auditorium full of classmates and their families. As they wrapped up the scene you started to make your way towards the barricades they had set up so that onlookers would keep their distance. Rey spotted you there and ran over to you.

“Rey, you were absolutely incredible! I’m so proud of you,” you pulled her into a tight hug.

“I’m so glad you could come and watch! It’s exciting, isn’t it? And over there you see that big white trailer, that’s mine. Just for me!” She was beaming telling you all about her experience shooting so far. You were so happy for her. She honestly deserved every good thing that happened to her. Her childhood was so rough and she never caught a break. It was just so good to finally see her living her dream. She took you back into her trailer and she gave you the grand tour before sitting down at the table.

“So are you excited for Halloween?” she asked.

“Yes, so excited! I’m in need of a good party,” you said thinking about how much fun you planned to have this weekend.

Halloween in the city was one of your favorite things. Tons of clubs had Halloween parties and everyone showed up in killer costumes. The plan was to hit as many parties as you could before closing. Everyone was in need of a night filled with drinking and forgetting. You needed to stop thinking about Kylo, Poe and Finn needed to take their minds off school and work, and Rey, she needed comfort which she usually found in her friends and alcohol.

It was around Halloween time when her parents passed. You always felt a little guilty about going out and having a good time when internally Rey was remembering such a tragedy. But she had always said she’d rather be out partying with her friends than sitting back at home, alone with her thoughts.

“I’m picking up our costumes tomorrow after I get done on set. I can’t wait to see them,” Rey said clapping her hands together in excitement.

“Me too, we are going to look so good, all of us.” Every year you had spent Halloween together, you and Rey planned to wear “couples” costumes. This year Rey was going as a Mob Boss and you were going as a flapper. You weren’t sure what Finn and Poe were going as, they were keeping it a surprise, but you knew your brother and you knew he wouldn’t shy away from something absolutely ridiculous and awesome.

For a moment you found yourself wondering if Kylo did anything for Halloween. If he even knew the holiday was approaching. He always seemed unaware of things because of how busy work got for him. You wondered if you should call him.

No, you thought, shaking the idea from your head. You weren’t going to make it that easy for him.

-

-

-

-

Everyone met at your apartment Saturday night to get dressed and ready to go. Once everyone emerged you had a flapper, a mob boss, a cat, and a maid. Yes, that’s right a maid. Poe decided to dress as a maid this year. It was wild but he pulled it off and Finn certainly wasn’t complaining. You hadn’t realized how sexy the costumes were that you and Rey had ordered but you didn’t mind, it made you feel good. Rey’s outfit consisted of a tight, strapless black dress with a long pinstripe long-sleeve coat that could zip from the waist up, though she left most of her exposed chest open. She paired it with a black fedora and black, thigh-high boots.

Your flapper costume was a black dress covered in fringe with a deep v neckline that didn’t leave much to the imagination. You had paired the dress with black thigh high pantyhose, black t-strap stiletto heels, a black bob cut wig with bangs, a feathered headpiece, and a white boa scarf.

After taking some pictures you all headed out of the apartment and into the Uber waiting for you. Rey had invited a friend she made on set, Rose, along and she met you at the first club dressed as Tinker Bell. After you were all introduced you gave the bouncer your reservation name and headed in. The club was decorated to the nine with cobwebs and spooky decorations that lit up in neon pinks, greens, and oranges under the blacklight. Everyone was dressed up, the dance floor was packed as you all made your way past it and towards the bar. You would get to dancing later, right now you needed a drink.

There was a special on Witches Brew shots, one for a dollar. You each ordered one after the other until you were ready to hit the dance floor.

Soon you were at the next club, then the next, and then the next, until you reached your final destination for the night.

At this point, everyone was feeling pretty good which meant you were drunk. But you were having the best time, using the alcohol to forget about the pain you had been feeling all week. Guys had been hitting on you and Rey all night. It was flattering at first but after a while, you had gotten tired of it. You stuck close to your friends on the dance floor, dancing in a small circle in hopes that no one would try to make a move on you here.

The music was loud and you were drowning in it as you swayed to the rhythm. The alcohol put you in a haze that made you light on your feet almost as if you were floating. You were grateful that you were a happy drunk. Anytime you had too much alcohol you just got giddy and very affectionate. Some people get angry or cry but you’ve always been told you were so much fun.

The music picked up and you began spinning, swaying your hands in the air. You saw the room spinning before your eyes until one person stuck out in the midst of the spinning, clear as day. Dak. You quickly stopped spinning which caused you to stumble back a little into Rey who held you tight so that you wouldn’t fall. You quickly spun to where you had seen him but there was no sight of him. You could feel your heart racing as you took some deep breaths. You were incredibly drunk. You came to the conclusion, as you searched over the club with your eyes and saw no trace of him, that it was your mind playing tricks on you with no help from the tremendous amount of alcohol in your system. Rey had noticed the look of fear on your face. She was observant even when drunk. You told her you needed some air.

You walked out into the alleyway near the club and leaned against the cool brick. It was a chilly evening, or morning you should say, it was 2:00 am after all. Breathing in the cool air you could feel some of your senses coming back to life. You felt the ache in your feet first from wearing your heels all night. Then you felt the buzzing near your breast where you had stored your phone for the evening. You pulled it out and had to readjust your eyes to the light it was emitting.

It was Kylo.

“Hello,” you answered, trying hard not to slur your words because speaking was taking almost all the effort out of you.

“Oh, um hi,” he answered surprised to hear your voice. He must have been calling late hoping to get your voicemail.

“Is something wrong?” you asked, your mind working a mile a minute trying to figure out why he would be calling you, “because now is not really a good time I really should be getting back inside everyone is probably wondering where I’m at and I really want to get back on the dance floor it really feels good to dance, to just let go, you know? And you know something else Kylo? Since you called and are on speaking terms with me again, I think you should know that I really enjoyed spending time with you and then you just had to go and ruin it. But you don’t care do you?”

He avoided your question. “Are you drunk?” he had the same tone he did when he called you in Boston.

“No,” you lied, wanting to spare yourself the embarrassment. But Kylo was smart and he knew.

“Who are you with?” he asked again, his anger growing more evident. Was it anger? You obviously couldn't be sure but it felt like more than that.

You deflected his question not because you didn’t want to answer but your drunken mind had other plans. “You know I’m only drunk because of you, because I needed to forget.” You were slurring your words even more now as your brain couldn’t keep up any longer. Your head was pounding from trying too hard.

You could hear his breathing pick up and doors slamming. “Where are you?” was his next question.

“I’m in a very lovely alleyway-”

“FUCK an alleyway,” he raised his voice into the phone.

“You know what Kylo I don’t need to tell you anything.”

You pulled the phone away from your ear before you had a chance to hear a response and hung up. You stumbled back inside and found your friends mingling at the bar. They were all hanging around this really cool group of girls you had met when you first arrived at the club. You were too drunk to remember any of their names but you hoped you would somehow see them again.

Rey spotted you first and looked relieved at the sight of you.

“There you are!” she exclaimed bringing you in for a warm side hug, “Let’s get you a drink.”

“I’d be happy to,” a man’s voice boomed through the crowd. It was unrecognizable to you so you quickly turned around to see a gorgeous man smiling at you. How could you say no to someone who looked like that? He was tall, not as tall as Kylo, with curly reddish-blonde hair and the most beautiful smile. He was dressed as a sailor showing off his incredibly muscular biceps.

He had taken your drink order and returned to you with it and his own drink in hand. You got to chatting and learned he had recently moved to the city and was working in a law firm. He was nice and seemed genuine compared to the other guys that had been hitting on you throughout the night. It felt good to have someone showing an interest in you. You felt his hand move to the small of your back as he leaned in and whispered into your ear, “I think you’re beautiful.” You blushed graciously accepting the compliment but moved your free hand to find his on your back in order to remove it. You had just met the guy and you didn’t feel comfortable with him touching you like that. He didn’t understand and his hand found your back again.

“No, I-” your hand moved to push his hand away again when all of a sudden you saw him falling to the ground.

You hadn’t seen Kylo come in, you didn’t even know he was coming. You hadn’t told him where you were so how did he find you? But there he was crouched over the man you had just been talking to, delivering blow after blow to his face. Everything was happening so quickly you were sobering up by the second. You started pulling at Kylo’s arm screaming for him to stop as the man laid helpless on the ground. Your friends finally saw what was happening and rushed to your aid, Finn and Poe managing to pull Kylo off of the man before something fatal happened.

It felt like everyone in the club had their eyes on you. For a moment time stopped in the worst possible way. Kylo was breathing heavy looking at his bloodied hands then turned to look at you. His eyes were dark. Not the darkness you would normally see. This was different. They were filled with rage, anger, and pain.

Kylo grabbed your wrist and led you out of the club and towards his car, not even letting you say goodbye to your friends. He zoomed through the streets and you were on edge every time he weaved in and out of the other speeding cars. The ride was silent and you kept your eyes focused out the window. Every now and then you would see your own reflection. You became aware of how ridiculous you felt in your costume now that Kylo had seen you. Your mascara was smudged all-around your eyes from the tears shed. That man at the bar had been a stranger to you. But it turned out the stranger was the man sitting beside you driving you back to his penthouse. You had never seen him act like that before. You knew there were pent up emotions behind his walls that led him to this outburst. You could see him fighting his mind again with those emotions, as his hands gripped the wheel of the car as he made his final turn into the building’s garage.

When you finally reached his home he washed the blood from his hands. You cleaned yourself up, wiping your tears and removing your wig. You returned to sit on the couch where an anxious Kylo was awaiting your return. You could feel his gaze on you but you couldn’t bring yourself to meet his eyes.

“Why- why would you do that?” you asked suppressing the lump that was forming in your throat.

No response. That wasn’t surprising.

“Could you just for once give me an answer,” you were pleading with him. You desperately wanted to know what was going on in that brain of his. You finally got the courage to look at him. His eyes were softer now but his body still remained tense.

“I didn’t like the way he was touching you,” he said clearing his throat and running a hand through his hair. Damn.

“But that’s no reason for you to beat him up to the brink of death Kylo.” You felt the goodness of his intentions but the execution was all wrong. It was not enjoyable to see him so full of a hatred that has been burning deep inside him for years.

“Violence,” he paused, “is all I’ve ever known.”

His head hung no longer looking at you. Though he kept his emotions locked away you could somehow feel his shame. You scooted towards him and reached for his hands. He flinched slightly at your touch. Your soft fingers brushed over the bruises already forming on his knuckles. You had seen a different side of him but it hadn’t changed the way you felt about him. Not one bit. You weren’t going to scare away from him that easily and you wanted him to know that there was someone out there who cared enough to stay.

One of his hands moved to your jaw. “You’re mine,” he said, his grip tightening to move your face to look at his own. He wanted to make sure you understood. His eyes were pleading, oozing with fear that you would just walk right out the door. But being his was all you ever wanted. You weren’t going to tell him that though. Your hand grazed the side of his face, moving in closer to kiss him. But before you could, you felt an awful feeling rise in your stomach. Your hand flew to cover your mouth and you ran to the bathroom. Your mind may have sobered up but your body hadn’t.

You heard him behind you as you hung over the toilet. You couldn’t believe this was happening, you had to look disgusting and you were so embarrassed that he had to see you like this. He moved forward, squatting behind you.

“Are you okay?” His voice was soft as you felt his large hand take up the space of your back. But you couldn’t answer as your insides kept doing somersaults. He stayed there in the bathroom with you, hand never leaving your back, but never moving to hold your hair back. It wasn’t until you finally felt safe enough to stand that he moved. You both stood, his hands gripping your forearms guiding you up. You took a moment to catch your bearings.

“I’m sorry,” you said, “I wish you didn’t have to see any of that. I should probably go.”

“Absolutely not, you are in no state to leave right now,” he said, guiding you out of the bathroom. You plopped back onto the couch, the effort to stand was too much. Kylo sat on the chair beside the couch, legs crossed, looking at you intently, continuing to make sure you were ok. He looked strikingly unearthly. But your eyes started to feel heavy and he was the last thing you saw before drowning into darkness and falling asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves, here is a little Halloween inspired chapter for the upcoming holiday! I know it's bad but let's just pretend it's fun and exciting! Also, I'd love to hear from you all about your thoughts on the story. I have a direction but I feel like people think the story is boring haha so just let me know and I'll hit that d*lete button. And as always, feel free to come to me with questions, concerns, and suggestions in my DM's on Twitter @adamdsolo


	9. Moonlight in Vermont

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You can't stop thinking about the things Kylo said to you the night of Halloween it was starting to affect your work. But lucky for you he couldn't stop thinking about it either.

Work was not really the right move today but you had so much to do, so you went in any way. The piles started stacking up on your desk as your focus and thoughts were elsewhere. You couldn’t stop thinking about your weekend. 

You had woken up the next morning after Halloween in the bed covered with black silk sheets. The same one you had slept in the previous nights you had stayed at Kylo’s. You woke up with a pounding headache, alone, and thoughts foggy about the events that occurred the night before. What you could remember was the fun you had with your friends, Kylo almost beating a man to death, and you falling asleep not where you woke up. He must have carried you upstairs. 

You thought about him carrying your limp, sleep-induced body, laying you gently on the bed, trying not to wake you. Him hovering, fighting the urge to crawl in beside you, and hold you in his arms. When you woke up you noticed the unfamiliar look of a blanket draped over the only chair in the room. _Had he sat there all night?_

You had hoped he would be there when you woke up but he wasn’t. Gone again. Though he did have Elliot bring you breakfast before he took you home. You had spent most of your Sunday sleeping off the hangover getting zero work done and leaving it all for today. 

You slapped your cheeks a little to wake yourself up and shake the thoughts from your mind so you could focus on work. But it was like the universe knew. Your phone buzzed with a text from Kylo. 

**What’s your address?**

Straight and to the point. As usual. No hello, how are you? 

You texted him back and gave him what he asked for but your curious mind wouldn’t let him get away with it that easy. 

**Why?**

You texted back.

**Surprise.**

That was all he said. You didn’t think of Kylo as the “surprise” kind of guy and were a bit nervous as to why he so suddenly wanted to know where you lived. You found yourself hoping that he wasn’t a closeted serial killer for a second before you quickly debunked that thought in your mind. 

As you continued trudging on with your work, memories from your conversation with Kylo that night started to become clearer. 

_You’re mine_

The words had made your whole body shiver. Belonging to someone was always something you longed for. You were independent and strong on your own but your heart craved that kind of connection with someone. A connection so deep and so strong that you have no other choice than to be that person’s, completely. 

But you remembered your words to him before.

_“You can’t get all possessive of me if this is just about sex.”_

You wondered if he was going to respect your wishes.  
-  
-  
-  
-

When you came home from work you entered your apartment to a smiley Poe. 

“What’s your deal?” You asked him.

“Someone got a package,” he giggled. 

“What do you mean,” you asked, raising a brow. You put your things down and searched the living area of your apartment with your eyes for said package. 

“When I got home this huge package was sitting by the door,” he laughed, “It had your name on it so I put it in your room.”

You looked at him confused. You hadn’t ordered anything. He motioned for you to go in and look at it. He was just as anxious to see what it was as you were. 

You walked into your room to see a big, white, rectangular box tied with a bow, sitting on your bed. You and Poe stood there just looking at it. 

“So,” he said, encouraging you to open it. You nudged him with your shoulder as you picked up the box and began opening it. The box itself was gorgeous and you found yourself unintentionally opening it with such caution, treating it like a delicate object. Once the box was open you were stunned at what you saw. It was the most beautiful red dress you had ever seen. Silk with long sleeves, short with an open neck, and you could tell just by the look of it that it would hug you in all the right places. 

“Oh my god,” Poe was just as shocked at the gorgeous dress as you were. “Who is it from?” he asked. 

You honestly had no idea and you hadn’t seen any note with it. But you couldn’t stop staring at the dress in the box. It was the most beautiful thing you now owned and you were dying to try it on. 

A disinterested Poe had left you alone with the box and you finally pulled it out to look at it in full. Once you pulled it out of the box you noticed another, slimmer box underneath.  
Within that box was a handwritten note in the most beautiful calligraphy you had ever seen and beneath that a gorgeous, lacy, delicate, black set of lingerie. You read the note first.

**_Wear these. Be ready at 7 pm._ **

**_Kylo._ **

You quickly checked your watch and saw that you only had about an hour to get ready. You were giddy with excitement. This was new. Kylo had never done anything like this before and you wondered what he had in store for you especially if you were supposed to wear such a fancy dress.

You exited your room and your brother’s eyes went wide. 

“Going somewhere?” He asked, knowing full well that you were. 

“There was a note. It’s from Kylo,” you said heat flushing your face. 

“Oooo very nice, where are you going?”

“I have no clue,” you laughed as you started sensing the nerves building in you. The uncertainty of what you were doing tonight was driving you mad. 

Suddenly your call box was buzzing alerting you to someone calling you from downstairs. You assumed that it was for you. You hugged Poe goodbye and he wished you luck as you raced out of the apartment and down the stairs in an excited hurry. 

The giddy smile that was on your face immediately turned into shock as you walked out of your building to see Kylo leaning by his car, legs crossed, in a black suit, and a long grey coat. He looked delectable, godly, like you wanted him to pin you down and never let you go. 

You had assumed Elliot was picking you up since he was usually the one to do so but, this was a nice surprise. 

“Hi,” you said walking towards him. He looked you up and down, taking in his choices that adorned your body. He looked pleased. 

“Thank you for the beautiful gifts, they weren’t necess-“‘ he cut you off. 

“You deserve them. You look amazing.” Your heart caught in your chest. Compliments from him outside of sex were rare so you savored every bit of his words. You had been a bit insecure about the outfit when you first put it on. You didn’t know if it showed too much or hugged you too tightly but somehow, standing in front of him now, you felt good and you knew he managed to get your size right. 

You settled into the car as he drove off, finding it easy to relax when the car smelled of him. A perfect mix of leather and oak. You watched him as he drove. It was one of your favorite things. How his hands clutched the wheel exposing his veins and how they matched perfectly with his shining Rolex.

“So where are we going?” you asked, breaking the silence and anxious to learn the answer. 

“You’ll see,” he answered shortly, glancing over to you with a small smile. And you couldn’t help yourself from smiling either. You had only been in the car with him for thirty minutes but you could tell he was softer, more relaxed than usual and that excited you. After finally being able to look away from him you noticed the familiar route out your window.

“Why are we headed towards the airport?” you asked him. 

“We’re going to dinner.” 

“At the airport?”

“No. In Vermont.” 

“Vermont? What? How is that even-“ your question was answered as Kylo pulled the car up to a small jet and you couldn’t keep the gasp from escaping your lips. 

“Please tell me this isn’t yours,” you said, unbelieving. He just looked at you with that sly smirk. “You can’t be serious.”

“C’mon we’ve got reservations to make,” he said, putting the car in park and stepping out. You followed suit, meeting him around the car where he led you up the steps and into the jet. 

It was lavish, which is what you expected from a private plane. The chairs were big and spread out enough for someone to have comfortable legroom. You had never been on a plane before. Any traveling you have done has been by car because flying always made you nervous. But you were going to suck it up for him.  
You followed him to two adjoining chairs and sat down. 

It felt like you were sitting on a cloud, the seats were so comfortable. You strapped yourself in as you tried to settle your leg from shaking with nervousness. An attendant came to tell Kylo they were minutes away from taking off and asked if you each wanted a warm towel. You took one feeling too guilty for some reason not to. You gripped the towel as you felt the plane begin to move. At this point, your leg was shaking uncontrollably and you couldn’t hide it from Kylo anymore. 

“Are you okay?” he asked, shifting his body towards you. 

“Yea, yea I just don’t like flying.” You tried to get the words out as fast and as confident as possible. You didn’t want him to see you like this. 

“Hey, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, I...I should’ve asked-”

“No, No I want to go, please,” you said, cutting him off, still shaking. 

He looked at you, burning his gaze into your own, looking for the lie but he found none because there was no lie. You did want to go, desperately. 

He grabbed a blanket from the cubby beside him and draped it over your legs, resting his hand on your thigh for the briefest moment. You felt the plane start to pick up speed and you closed your eyes, head resting back on the chair, trying to forget about the fact that in a few seconds you’d be thousands of feet in the air. Kylo on the other hand wasn’t minding this one bit, arm resting on the space between you. You were sure he’d flown hundreds of times before and you wished you were as comfortable as him right now. 

The feeling of the plane lifting off the ground was such an odd feeling and subconsciously you grabbed Kylo’s hand beside you squeezing it tight. You felt his hand drawback at your touch but it couldn’t go anywhere with the grip you had on it. After only seconds he squeezed your hand back and didn’t let go until you did. 

You were glad it was a short flight and that you were on the ground sooner rather than later. You exited the plane to a town car waiting for you to take you to your dinner reservations. 

You were still getting used to Kylo in a suit. You loved his casual attire but something about him in a nice, tight-fitted suit made you burn with need. Maybe it is because that’s what he was wearing when you met, or what you were shopping for when he first kissed you. You wished he would wear them more often. 

You pulled up to the restaurant and you could already tell it was high class just from the exterior. Before entering the restaurant you noticed how beautiful the moon shone over the town. The sky was so clear and the moonlight made the stars twinkle so bright. Kylo caught you staring at the sky and you noticed as he did. The Vermont moonlight looked good on him too. 

When you stepped inside the restaurant you were greeted with warmth from the cool outside air. Kylo talked with the host before he led you through the restaurant to your table. The place was beautiful with stone walls, archways, and unique chandeliers that gave off the perfect amount of light. You were seated by the big stone fireplace and were handed menus. You were relieved when you saw that it was Italian. You could handle Italian. 

“Have you been here before?” you asked, curious if this was where he whisked away all the women he’s dated. 

“A few times,” he responded, not even looking at his menu. 

“Well, what do you recommend then?” He couldn’t respond before the waiter came to ask for your order. Kylo started by ordering a bottle of wine, their finest, and then he moved onto the food. You were hoping you’d get a little more time since you hadn’t decided on what you wanted yet. Instead, Kylo ordered two of the same dish for both of you. 

The wine he ordered was delicious and you made sure to pace yourself. You didn’t want a repeat of Halloween. 

You were surprised when an appetizer arrived. You didn’t take Kylo as an appetizer kind of guy. He had ordered arancini which he later told you is a ball of rice, cheese, and meat sauce coated with breadcrumbs and then deep-fried. They were delicious and almost addicting. 

Then came your entree, carbonara. You’d had carbonara in the past and loved it but something told you that this dish, with homemade pasta, would top them all. And it did.

You tried keeping the conversation with Kylo light, he was a man a few words after all. He had asked you how work was going and you told him how busy you’ve gotten since his piece. You had asked him about work but he didn’t have much to say. 

“So, what made you want to start a tech company?” you asked, interested to hear what motivated him. 

“I grew up around the finer things in life but also was exposed to those who didn’t have the same opportunities as me. Technology is essential today and I just wanted to give everyone a chance to use it in an affordable way.” 

That was the most he talked all night. You were glad to see his eyes light up as he talked about his passion. Under that built up, armored exterior, was a true, caring, man waiting to come out. 

“What made you want to get into photography?” His question surprised you. 

“Um, my dad actually. When I was little he would take me on walks and he would always have this old camera with him to take pictures. One day, when I was old enough, he let me try and I fell in love. We took those walks almost every week until-” you stopped. You had never told anyone about your dad that easily. It was always such a tough subject to bring up. You could feel the tears welling in your eyes. 

Kylo’s hand found yours, “I’m so sorry.”

Somehow he knew. He knew exactly the kind of pain you were going through as if he’d experienced it himself. 

“No, I’m sorry, I’m ruining the perfect dinner,” your hand left his as it wiped away the tears that had fallen. “What about your family?” You regretted the question just as it left your lips and reached his ears. His whole body tensed and you knew family was a touchy subject with him. 

You tried to change the subject quickly not wanting him to feel any pressure in answering. 

“So why _did_ you take me out tonight?” you asked, your own curiosity getting the better of you. 

“Your mine,” he said, repeating his words from the last time you spoke. “Completely mine and I want to give you more than just sex.” 

Your heart fluttered even though you tried hard for it not too. He had remembered your conversation after Boston. 

You finished up dinner and headed back to the plane for your flight home. The flight seemed to go by quicker. Before you knew it, Elliot was picking you up and you were both getting in the back of the car. 

“Thank you for tonight, I had a really amazing time,” you smiled taking a glance at your dress. When your eyes finally met his, he just grinned back and nodded. The whole car ride back you were gravitating towards each other, Kylo’s hands tracing the hem of your dress sometimes daring to go higher. He soon had you in his lap, mouth attacking your own as you ground down on him. You could feel his hard length straining through his pants as he fisted your hair in his hands, pulling your head back so he could have better access to kissing your neck. At this point, there was no way you were going back to your place tonight. 

“Kylo please,” you moaned, “take me back with you.”

That was all he needed to hear from you, immediately telling Elliot to head for the penthouse. Once you were out of the car you refrained from touching one another until he got you to the bedroom. You stripped almost immediately revealing the black lingerie set he had bought you. His dark eyes scanned over your body, taking in every curve, every line, memorizing you as if you would be gone tomorrow. You sat at the edge of the bed as he made his way towards you removing his suit jacket. 

Once he was close enough you slowly moved your hands to his chest, letting them rest there until he gave you permission. With a small nod, you began unbuttoning his shirt one by one slowly revealing his flush and warm body to you. Your hands moved to his shoulders to push the shirt completely off his body. 

You took him in, seeing how his arms were sculpted in muscle and how solid his core was showing hints of his abs. He was the most beautiful man you had ever laid eyes on. He knelt down so he was eye-level with you before grabbing your knees and forcing them apart exposing your already dripping cunt. You were glad he chose the crotchless panties because the hunger in his eyes deepened as he gazed at your wetness.

“So pretty for me kitten,” he said, hands caressing your inner thighs. He pulled your legs over his shoulders, placing kisses along them. His thumbs massaged your outer folds dancing around where you really needed him. 

“Kylo please,” you said biting down on your lip and kneading your own breasts.  
He took that as his invitation and began circling and sucking your clit with his mouth. Your hips reacted bucking up into him and your hands flew to his hair. There were no ties this time. 

You scraped your nails through his scalp grabbing his hair and pushing him closer. He kept working you with his tongue lapping up all your juices, as he hummed into you causing the vibrations to bring you closer. 

“Mmm you taste so good kitten,” he said looking up at you before plunging two fingers deep inside you, curling them to apply pressure to your g-spot. “This little cunt is mine, all mine.”

“Oh fuck- Kylo,” you screamed. His mouth was back around your clit as his fingers were pumping rapidly inside you. You could feel yourself teetering on the edge of an earth-shattering orgasm. 

“Kylo please, I’m gonna come, please let me-” your breath hitched before you could finish as his pace quickened and your whole body filled with a burning heat. You shut your eyes so tight you saw stars as you reached your climax and your orgasm took over your entire body. Your body trembled but he didn’t stop, working you through your high. 

He pulled his fingers from you placing them in his mouth, tasting you like he couldn’t get enough. He then started placing kisses along your torso, up to your cleavage, pulling the fabric of your bra down to take each of your tits in his mouth, swirling and sucking them until they were hard. His hand came to your neck, squeezing it just right as he hovered above you.

It was so easy to get lost in his eyes. They drank you up and made you feel like the most special person in the world. He had a way of making you feel important even in the most intimate moments. 

You lifted your head, your lips meeting his own. You tried palming his hard cock through his pants but he grabbed your wrist to stop you and pulled your arm above your head. His kiss was passionate and deep, never breaking as his hand wrapped behind you, pulling you closer and grinding down onto you. 

Your own hands were tugging at his hair, tracing his back and his arms, taking in every touch you could get. You could feel your wetness dripping down your thighs as his bulge was giving you the friction you needed. But, you wanted him inside you. 

“Please Kylo,” you said breaking away from his kiss, “I need you inside me.” 

His mouth returned to yours as his hand went to find his belt. You helped him unbuckle and pull his pants down, his hard length hitting his stomach. He pushed your knees apart and lined himself up grabbing your hips. He thrust himself in all the way to the hilt, filling you full of him. 

“Oh gods Kylo,” you said as he found his pace. He felt amazing, he _always_ felt amazing. 

“You’re so tight kitten, like you were made for me,” he said amid his shallow grunts. Kylo was always so reserved, you wish he would just let go and release the feelings built up inside him especially the feelings he had during sex. 

Each of his thrusts was hitting your g-spot and you knew it wouldn’t be long until you reached your second orgasm. Your hands reached for his arms, digging into his skin, as your hips bucked up into him. 

He could feel you were close. “Come for me baby girl, come on my cock,” he said feeling you clench around him.

You started seeing white as your second orgasm ripped through your body. “Oh fuck,” you yelled as he continued thrusting into your sensitive body. You could feel his cock twitching inside you and you knew he was close. The veins in his neck were bulging as he reached his peak, spilling hot ropes of come inside you and coating your walls. 

His pace slowed as you both caught your breath. When he pulled out you felt cold and empty and only wished he would be back, deep inside you. He pulled his boxers back on as you ran to the bathroom to clean yourself up. 

When you were back he was sitting in the chair beside the bed. 

“Well, I guess I should be going, thank you again for tonight, it was incredible,” you said, moving to put your dress back on. 

He rose from the chair moving towards you. “No, stay,” a pause, “please.” He gestured toward the bed and you crawled in pulling the covers up to shield you from the cold of being in just lingerie. He stood by the other side of the bed as you watched his mind spin. 

He slowly moved into the bed with you, staying above the covers and keeping space between you. You desperately wanted to reach out and cuddle into his chest but you knew he wasn’t much for cuddling. You laid there, both still, for several minutes until you felt your eyes getting heavy. 

Tonight was amazing. He had taken you on the most wonderful, romantic date and you got to see a side of him you weren’t used to seeing every day. You got little hints into his life and who he was. You wanted more of that and you hoped you’d get it. He was an incredible man and your feelings for him were strong. Stronger than you wanted at the moment but it seemed as though he was warming up to you a bit. 

“Goodnight, Kylo,” you said, “thank you.” He shifted, turning away from you so his back was facing you. You saw his breathing was heavy. For a moment you thought he wasn’t going to respond.

“Goodnight,” he said, finally. And you turned over and let the sleep take over you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: hello my loves! here's chapter 9! I hope you all like this one! I love seeing all your comments and they are so very much appreciated so please keep doing so I love hearing from you all and hearing your thoughts! As always, you can find me on Twitter @adamdsolo!


	10. Time With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo had started taking you out more and more. He took you all over the city, taking you places you had never been before.
> 
> He kept surprising you.

Kylo had started taking you out more and more. He took you all over the city, taking you places you had never been before.

He kept surprising you.

At this point, he knew almost everything about you, but he was still a mystery to you. No matter how many times you asked questions, he would deflect and redirect so you were talking about you instead of him.

You could tell he was softening around you but just on the exterior. His eyes weren’t as hard, his touch wasn’t as reserved, and the tension in his shoulders was all but gone.

He still kept lots to himself on the inside. You hoped in time, he would trust you enough with his secrets, his hardships, his _demons._

Something about him though, made you spill your own heart. You rarely ever open up fully to people but with him, you felt safe to do so. It felt strange, scary...vulnerable. A feeling inside you told you he would guard your heart with everything he had. But you were still afraid of the “what ifs.”

_What if- he leaves?_

_What if- he doesn’t want me anymore?_

You found yourself thinking these things as Elliot drove you to Kylo’s. You had agreed to do dinner in tonight because he was swamped with work. You told him it wasn’t necessary, that if he were busy, you would just see him tomorrow but, he insisted. He had said he wanted to see you.

How could you say no?

So, when he answered the door busy on the phone and you saw his figure relax just by seeing your face, it was worth it.

He gave you a small smile as he continued talking on the phone, pacing the space of the room, and you made your way towards the kitchen. Elliot had asked if you wanted to order out, that it didn’t matter to Kylo and that he probably wouldn’t eat anyway. You didn’t feel right having something delivered for just yourself so, you told Elliot you’d talk it over with Kylo. What he didn’t know was that you planned on making dinner yourself.

You were always a good cook. You had to learn when you were young. Your mother didn’t do a lot of anything after your dad passed, she was stuck in a funk for a while and it was up to you to provide for Poe. You cooked meals every day and eventually got really good at it.

You loved that Kylo always had a fully stocked kitchen. Though he didn’t cook himself, there was always enough food and ingredients to make a meal. You saw him retreat to his office and quickly got to work.

He emerged just when you were finishing up with the most confused look on his face.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“I made dinner.”

“You know we could’ve just ordered out.” You grabbed the full plates and walked towards him getting on your tippy-toes, your recent sign to him that you wanted a kiss. He leaned down and placed a deep warm kiss on your lips before you walked over to the table and placed the plates down on either side.

“I know, but I kind of just felt like cooking,” you said, gesturing for him to sit down.

“Well if it tastes anything like you do, I’m sure it's incredible,” he said, placing another peck on your lips trying to savor the flavors that still lingered on your lips from taste testing the food. “But I really shouldn’t I’ve got lots of work to do.”

“Um no, I made you dinner and you're going to eat it.” You grabbed his hand and led him towards his seat. Reluctantly he sat down. You watched as he took his first bite of the filet you cooked.

“You made this?” he asked in disbelief after he finished chewing.

You just smiled and took a bite for yourself. Most of the dinner consisted of Kylo checking his phone every few minutes and texting like his fingers were touching fire.

“So,” you started trying to bring up some form of conversation, “what are you doing for Thanksgiving next week?”

He looked up from his phone, “Thanksgiving is next week?” His gaze returned to his phone. “I didn’t even realize.”

He hadn’t answered your question. So, you just stared at him until he noticed. Your eyebrows raised at him, urging him to answer. He sighed, putting his phone down, “I assume I’ll be working on Thanksgiving,” he said folding his hands and resting them in his lap.

“You don’t do anything with your...your family?” You asked hoping the subject wouldn’t turn his mood sour.

“No,” he said calmer than you anticipated. “Do you have plans?” His question surprised you. You honestly didn’t think he would care.

“Um, yea Poe and I are heading home to celebrate with our mom.”

He gave you a small smile but you couldn’t help but see a hint of disappointment in his eyes.

Once you finished your meal, he told you to stay, that you were welcome to anything in the house while he went back into his office to work.

You had become more familiar with Kylo’s penthouse since the first time you’d been invited in. But you never really had the opportunity to explore. You had already seen all of the first level, with the living area, kitchen, patio, and Kylo’s office but the only room you were familiar with upstairs was the bedroom you slept in.

You decided now was as good a time as any to see what those three other doors led to upstairs. You figured one of them would be Kylo’s bedroom and though you didn’t feel right snooping, you were curious what a mysterious man like Kylo would keep in his bedroom.

You opened the first door on your left and in it was a small-sized theater with a few, big recliner chairs and a huge screen in the front. You wondered why he never mentioned this. Never wanted to watch a movie with you in here instead of on the couch. But if you were being honest, it hardly looked used. You closed the door and moved onto the next and final door on the left. You opened it to a smaller bedroom. You figured this was the guest room since the bed had no sheets on it and there were no belongings anywhere in sight.

You crossed the hall to the only door on the left. You figured it would be Kylo’s room but, when you opened the door you were met with the most beautiful bathroom. It had a big, white clawfoot bathtub in the center of the marbled floors. The tub sat in front of a massive window showing the expanse of the surroundings. Off to the side was a wall separating the bathtub from the toilet and shower that had a fireplace built into it. The sink was tiny compared to the long rectangular mirror that spread out above it. It was the most beautiful bathroom you had ever seen and again it looked hardly used. For a second you found your mind wandering to days spent in this room with Kylo. You were surprised that there was a room dedicated to another bathroom.

And then it hit you. This was the last room on the floor. You had seen everything his penthouse had to offer and there was no bedroom for Kylo Ren. Nothing. No place that held any of his belongings. Except, his clothes were in the drawers in the bedroom with the black silk sheets.

_Is that his room? Had you been sleeping in his room this whole time?_

You heard yelling coming from downstairs and quickly shut the door and tiptoed down the steps hoping Kylo wouldn’t suspect what you were doing.

The yelling got louder as you got closer to his office. The door was shut but opened a crack and you slid your hand through opening it fully. You saw him, jaw tense, hand clutching the phone to his ear. He was sitting behind his desk, laptop open, blue light glasses on. He didn’t even notice you had come in until you were crouched at his side rubbing his forearm. You knew he was incredibly stressed just by the tone in his voice.

“No, NO I told Hux to run diagnostics and make sure everything was running properly. If he didn’t do that then that’s our first problem,” he said through the phone, anger obvious.

You hadn’t realized it, but you jumped back a bit when he raised his voice, and he had taken notice. His hand came to your cheek, feeling the softness of your skin under his reddened and strained fingers. His eyebrows were still knit together as he listened intently to every word the person on the other end of the phone was saying. His fingers left your cheek to return to the computer and begin typing furiously. You stood behind him, rubbing his shoulders and running fingers through his hair until he hung up the phone.

He swiveled in his chair turning back to face you. You took the opportunity and placed yourself perfectly on his lap, straddling him between your legs.

Your mouth went straight to his before a word was spoken. You kissed him with every intention of sucking the stress out of him and began rolling your hips so that your heat was grinding against the strain already forming in his pants.

He grabbed the back of your head pulling you close to him, mouth attacking your own. Your hands cupped his face, holding on as his fast and passionate movements sent your heart flying.

You moved, placing kisses along his jaw and his neck as his head leaned back in a moan. His hand went to remove his glasses but you stopped him before he could.

“No, keep them on,” you said through kisses., “Please,” you whispered in his ear, “they make you look sexy.”

His hand fell to your back, snaking it up your sweater. You leaned back from him so he could remove it in one swift motion. His mouth found your breasts immediately and you were glad you chose not to wear a bra. Your skin pebbled at his touch as he sucked and nipped at each of your breasts, hardening each nipple

Your fingers scraped his scalp tugging on his waves as his tongue on your breasts sent pleasure throughout your body. The wetness between your legs was growing with every movement. Your hips were moving even faster now seeking the friction from his hard cock.

“So needy,” he said, mouth coming off your breasts. “So desperate for this cock aren’t you kitten?”

“Yes,” you answered, hands trailing down his torso and hovering at his waistline.

“Yes what?” he said, voice stern as he fisted your hair pulling your head up to meet him.

“Yes daddy.” Your hands unbuckled his belt and pushed his pants down enough so his cock sprung free.

His hands found your bare thighs and traveled up your skirt so he was cupping your ass. You took the opportunity to stroke his shaft, twisting at the base, which elicited a deep moan from him. Your thumb circling the pre-cum around his tip. His hands moved your panties aside as he pressed tight circles on your clit and slid one finger into your entrance. You winced at the sudden pleasure.

“I’m going to fuck you like the little desperate slut you are,” he said removing his fingers from you. You aligned your dripping entrance with his cock and sunk down onto him.

“Oh fuck daddy,” you moaned at the intrusion.

You never got used to the way he stretched you and made you feel full. His hips were thrusting up into you, fast, once you had adjusted to him. But it wasn’t enough for him. He grabbed the back of your thighs, cock still inside you, and lifted you, placing you on his desk. Once you were situated he thrust into you harder with a hand coming to your throat and squeezing tightly.

“Look at you taking my cock so well,” he said, breath heavy. His massive size was hitting that perfect spot inside you with every thrust and you could feel that you were already close.

“This tight little pussy was made to take my cock wasn’t it?” he asked, hands becoming tighter around your throat. You could feel the blood rushing through your body and the heat that covered your face as the air was being taken from you.

“Answer me,” his voice raised as his thrusts became more rough and erratic.

“Yes...yes daddy,” you said, voice soft and hoarse from having little air. You could feel yourself tightening around him as you came close to your climax. You knew he liked you to ask for permission to come but you could barely get out the words.

All you could say was a soft “please.” He must have felt you getting close and continued his pace.

“Come on my cock now,” he demanded. And with that, your body trembled as your orgasm overcame you. He released his grip on your throat letting you take in deep heavy breaths caused by the earth-shattering orgasm you just had. He continued his pace thrusting inside you. You could see this was helping release the tension, the stress that had built up inside him all day. You felt his cock twitch inside you as he coated your walls.

He sat back down on his chair, as you laid your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around your lower back. His cock was still inside you as you felt it begin to soften.

“Where do you sleep?” you asked as you lay on his chest.

“Hmm?” was all he managed.

“When I sleep here and you don’t sleep with me, where do you sleep?”

A pause.

“The couch.”

You pushed yourself up so that you were eye level with him.

“Why don’t you sleep in your own bed? Or have _me_ sleep on the couch or in the guest room?”

“How do you know I have a guest room?”

Shit.

“I may have done some exploring,” you answered softly hoping he wouldn’t hear. He did.

He pushed you off him gently. “You should go get some rest, I still have work to do.”

You grabbed your things as he put himself back together. You paused at the door, looking back at him with sad eyes as he re-opened his laptop and began working again. For a minute you thought it might be best if you just left but he hadn’t asked you too, and you didn’t want to make it that easy for him.

You changed into one of his t-shirts that fit you like a dress, climbed into bed, and shut your eyes hoping to get some sleep even though your mind was racing.

At some point, you had dozed off because you woke up to the feeling of the bed dip beside you. You turned to face him, but you were just met with his back. You were glad he chose to stay in the bed tonight. You didn’t like the idea of him sleeping on the couch. You scooted towards him and propped yourself up on your elbow to place a kiss on his neck. He made no movement to acknowledge the gesture and you returned to your previous position and closed your eyes.

-

-

-

-

It was the day before you were supposed to head home for Thanksgiving and you were lucky enough to get incredibly ill. You felt awful not only physically but for not being able to go home after not seeing your family in months. Poe had offered to stay with you and your mom said she wouldn’t mind but, you insisted he go.

Poe and Finn left the next day leaving you alone for Thanksgiving for the first time in your life.

You slipped into your comfiest clothes, wrapped yourself in your favorite cozy blanket, and planned to live on your couch and watch sappy romance movies until you felt better. You were sad you wouldn’t be getting your traditional Thanksgiving meal but you just had to accept that this Thanksgiving would be different.

-

-

-

-

*********Kylo’s POV********

Kylo had been so busy with work, he didn’t even realize it was Thanksgiving day when it arrived. Most of his employees were off on the day which is how he realized it was a holiday. It was important to him that his employees had time off on occasions like this, to spend time with their families. It was something he never really had as a kid and something he wished he did. If he could give that opportunity to others he was going to.

Since his employees were off, that left most of the work for him to do. The thing about Kylo’s company was that it never stopped running. It honestly couldn’t take a day off and that often meant that he couldn’t take a day off. At least that is what he told himself to believe. He often threw himself into work because it was the only thing he could have full control over.

It wasn’t long into his day when he found himself thinking about _her_. He wanted to reach out, make sure she got home safe, but he also wanted to give her space.

So, when his doorbell rang, pulling him from his thoughts and his work, he was shocked to see who it was.

Leia.

She was dressed to the nine like always. Her incredible wealth allowing her to buy such luxury items to adorn her body with. Kylo had never seen the appeal. He tried hard to put as much distance between him and his family as possible and that even meant how he dressed. Sure, he indulged here and there, but his own wealth was never something he really thought about, he was just glad it was his own.

“Hello Ben, happy Thanksgiving,” she said making her way through the door without being invited in.

“What are you doing here, it’s not like we ever celebrate holidays together.”

“I’m not here for the holiday Ben.”

Ben. She never did respect his choice to go by a different name and it made him angry.

“You didn’t respond to my letter-” she was cut off.

“I haven’t responded to half of the letters you’ve sent me, why are you really here?”

She sighed making her way to the couch to take a seat. He hated that, on the rare occasion she visited, she walked around like she owned the place...which she didn’t.

“Your Uncle, Snoke, heard you have been seeing a girl quite often.”

Kylo immediately stiffened. For one, he didn’t like his family knowing about her. But he definitely didn’t like where this conversation was heading.

“I’m hoping this is just another one of your flings because you know full well your responsibility to this family. You know you can’t be _with_ her. You know that right?” She asked looking to him for the answer she wanted and expected.

“I have no responsibility to this family, I’m not even a part of this family anymore,” he said, furry building inside him.

He was sick and tired of this. Of being a pawn in his family’s quest for continued wealth and greatness. He especially didn’t like the idea that they still had eyes on him, eyes on _her._

“You’ll see in time my son, you’ll realize you need us and you will do what we ask of you.”

“Get out of my home,” he said, opening the door and gesturing her out.

She took her time moving through the door, turning around to place a hand on his cheek.

“Happy Thanksgiving Ben.” And he shut the door before she even began walking away.

And before he knew what he was doing, he was picking up his phone and dialing her number.

********end of Kylo’s POV*********

-

-

-

-

You were sitting on your couch, dried tears making your eyes itchy and slightly irritated. You could only imagine how you looked with blotchy eyes, a red nose that was bright enough to lead Santa’s sleigh through a snowstorm, and used tissues littering the floor and the spaces beside you.

You heard the buzzing of your phone and groaned. You weren’t in the mood for talking or even reaching over to get your phone laying on the coffee table. Though that changed when you saw who was calling.

Kylo.

“Hello,” you answered, trying to sound as normal and as cheery as possible.

“Uh hi, I’m sorry for calling I just- I needed to hear your…” he trailed off, not able to say it but you knew what he meant.

“What’s wrong? Is everything ok?” you asked, concerned by his tone and reason for calling.

“I’m fine,” a pause, “my mother just stopped by unexpectedly and caused an unneeded amount of stress.”

“I’m so sorry Kylo I-“ he cut you off before you could finish that sentence.

“No, no I’m sorry I shouldn’t have bothered you while you are visiting home.” You could tell he was beating himself up for calling you but you were glad he did. You missed him. Missed his voice.

“NO WAIT,” you almost screamed into the phone hoping he wouldn’t just hang up. The effort it took out of you to do so, however, made you cough and sniffle.

Kylo was very observant. It was something you loved about him.

“Are you sick?” he asked.

You chuckled, “yeah and I didn’t go home because of it, just my luck.”

You could have sworn you heard his breath quicken.

“So you're at the apartment?”

“Yes,” you laughed again at the hint of excitement in his voice.

“Have you eaten anything today?” he asked with concern.

“Just some soup but that was several hours ago.”

“I’m grabbing food and coming over,” he said, as you could already hear his keys being picked up.

“No Kylo I’m sick, I’m not good company, I look awful, and I don’t want to get you sick.”

“Nonsense, I’ll be there within the hour,” he said, hanging up the phone.

You tried your best to clean up and straighten yourself up before you heard the buzz from the call box alerting you to his arrival.

You had made the mistake of putting on one of your favorite sappy movies before he got there and when you heard the knock on your door, you couldn’t stop your sobs from falling.

“It’s open,” you yelled softly, tears wrecking through you.

He entered the apartment, eyes immediately finding you sobbing on the couch and filling with concern.

“Are you ok?” he asked, making his way towards you.

You just nodded your head and pointed to the screen of your TV where Pride and Prejudice played.

He just smiled at you acknowledging the moving being the cause of your tears.

“I hope Chinese is ok,” he said, placing the bag full of warm food on the coffee table. You couldn’t smell a thing and you missed the way fresh Chinese food would fill your apartment with the sweet and savory combination of flavors.

“Oh my gods Kylo you’re the best!” You were so happy and so hungry your thoughts were all over the place and you leaped on him in a hug.

Once you realized what you were doing you immediately pulled away from him. “I’m so sorry,” you said, hand covering your mouth.

He chuckled. Very softly, but it was still there. A laugh.

He sat on the couch next to you as he began pulling the food from the bag. He handed you a big tub of LoMein which he knew was your favorite.

You both ate and watched as the movie came to an end. You were a blubbering mess by the end as you always were. No matter how many times you watched it, it would always hit that part of you that triggered the waterworks. Kylo on the other hand seemed unaffected.

It was unlike him to be this...caring. You had wondered if whatever his mom’s visit was about was making him act this way. After you finished, he cleaned up and picked you up from the couch leading you to the bathroom. He helped you get into the shower, clean yourself up, and put on a fresh set of comfy clothes.

Then instead of sleeping on the couch like you had the night before, he guided you to your bed, pulling the covers over you.

Just when he was about to leave you realized you wanted him to stay.

“Please stay Kylo,” you pleaded with him sniffling to keep your nose from running.

To your surprise he made his way back over towards you, taking his place beside you on the bed. You both laid on your backs staring at the ceiling.

Your bed was smaller than his so you were closer than normal and your body was set on fire. You so desperately wanted to touch him, for him to touch you but you knew that wasn’t in the cards for you right now.

With all the crying you had done today you could feel your heavy eyes begging for a rest.

“Goodnight Kylo, thank you for spending Thanksgiving with me and for the food,” you chuckled.

“Goodnight,” he said, raising an arm above his head and placing his hand underneath his head.

You turned to your side, facing him and snuggling into your blanket and pillow. You saw him reach for his phone and begin typing. You figured there was work he had needed to do all day but ignored it to spend time with you. Your mind couldn’t really comprehend that though, as you quickly slipped into a deep sleep.

It may not have been your typical Thanksgiving but it might have been your favorite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi loves!! here's chapter 10! I know it's long but I hope you enjoy! As always I love to see your comments and thoughts so please keep them coming! My DM's are always open on twitter @adamdsolo


	11. New Discoveries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch with Kylo doesn't go as planned.

Your eyes were almost glued shut when you woke up the next morning from all the crying you had done the night before. It took you a second to realize where you were. You had gravitated towards Kylo in the night and your head was resting on his chest. He still had his hands above him resting under his head. You slowly, and carefully moved and got out of bed being successful in your attempt not to wake him.

You stood by the edge of your bed just mesmerized by his sleeping figure. He was so large that his feet hung over the bed and you watched the rise and fall of his chest as he let out slow, sleepy breaths. His brows were furrowed slightly and his lips pursed. He looked calm, peaceful, like nothing in the world was troubling him. You knew that wouldn’t last long once he woke up. 

This was also the first time he ever stayed the night at your place. It was a different feeling waking up in your own space. Kylo’s penthouse had begun feeling like a second home to you but you still felt out of place sometimes. It was a strange feeling seeing him sleeping in your bed. The bed that was your comfort for so many late-night cries, your table for many meals, and a safe space for  _ other  _ extracurriculars. It was where you felt most at home when you first moved to the city. Now, the one man who has made you  _ feel  _ something is sleeping away in it peacefully and somehow that feels right.

A low grumble in your stomach made you aware of your hunger so you made your way to the kitchen to whip up some eggs and toast. You felt ten times better than you did yesterday and the day before that and you were ready to be at 100% again. 

You heard footsteps and looked up to see Kylo already looking like he was ready to go. Your heart sunk a little from the thought of him desperate to leave you. 

“Goodmorning,” you said, voice still a little stuffy from your cold. “Will you have some breakfast before you go?” You looked at him hopeful, and to your surprise, he sat next to the place you had set for yourself. 

“Thank you...for last night,” you said, making conversation while cooking his food. “It meant a lot, you being here.” You looked back at him and he was already texting furiously on his phone. You figured he didn’t even hear you. 

You sat the plate in front of him which un-glued him from his phone. “Thank you,” he said, as you sat down next to him and began eating. He was multitasking like usual, texting in between bites. 

“Do you have to go to work today?” You asked seeing how busy he already was after just waking up. 

“Mhmm,” he responded, taking another bite of his food and finishing his plate. “I should probably get going.” He stood up taking his empty plate over to the sink. 

“Ok,” you said, sadder than you anticipated. He looked at you for a moment, meeting your eyes, and you couldn’t help but see the glint of fear in his eyes. You found that strange for the moment. _ What would he be afraid of?  _

You followed him towards the door, opening it for him, and leaning against its edge as he walked through the frame. He stopped to turn back. 

“It meant a lot to me too,” he said, placing a kiss on your cheek before heading down the stairs and out of sight. 

He had heard you.

-

-

-

Once things were somewhat back to normal and you were feeling better, Kylo asked you to meet him at his office for lunch. Ever since Thanksgiving he’d been crazy busy with work and you hadn’t seen him that much since. Poe and Finn returned with good wishes from your mom and plenty of Thanksgiving leftovers. And Rey was still busy shooting. 

You were busy at work with lots of shoots for the upcoming holiday and it felt good to be given more responsibility and to be trusted more and more with bigger projects. Today was no different and because of it, you were already running late to meet Kylo. 

You entered the familiar building and headed towards his office. You were greeted by a different receptionist this time, but she was just as enthusiastic. She was young, maybe only a few years older than you, tall, and beautiful.

“Hi welcome to ForceTechnologies! Can I help you?” she said with a bright smile. 

“Hi, yes I’m just here to meet Kylo for lunch.” She looked taken aback by how casual you addressed her boss. 

“He knows I’m coming,” you assured her, starting to make your way towards his office. 

“Let me walk you back,” she said looking you up and down. 

“Oh no it’s ok, I know where I’m going,” you told her, wishing she would back off. 

“No, I insist.” She started leading you in the direction of Kylo’s office. For several seconds she was a few steps ahead of you but as you began nearing his office she slowed her pace so she was walking next to you. 

“It might not be my place but I feel obligated to warn you about Kylo,” she said in almost a whisper. You just looked at her puzzled as to why a complete stranger was going to tell you about the man you’d been seeing for months. 

“As I’m sure you know he’s not the most open person. Just be careful is all. It’s kind of common knowledge around here that he can’t commit to anyone. I was in your position once, just look out for yourself. He’s most likely just using you, he gets with different women all the time, it’s like he’s rebelling against someone or something.”

You were trying to wrap all her words around your head when you realized you were standing in front of his door. She left you alone and you were still in shock by what your ears just heard.  _ Could all of it be true? Do I even know him at all?  _ You had thought you were making real progress with Kylo. He was letting you get closer, he was softening. But this? 

Suddenly you weren’t hungry for lunch anymore. But you had to go into his office. You couldn’t walk out now. 

You knocked and opened the door to Kylo sitting in his desk chair on the phone. You could tell it wasn’t a work call because he seemed relaxed, on the verge of a smile. He looked up and saw you for the first time since you entered. 

“I’ll call you back Delilah,” he said, hanging up the phone. 

“Who was that?” you asked before even giving him a greeting.

“Just an old friend.”

_ He gets with different women all the time. _

You couldn’t help yourself from thinking about your worth, about what you actually meant to him. Were you just another chess piece in his game? One he would knock over and move past at any given moment? Your mind was somewhere else you didn’t realize you zoned out until you heard Kylo say your name. 

“Sorry,” you said, shaking the thoughts from your head and trying to be present in the moment. You knew he sensed something was off. His eyes told you everything and nothing at the same time. 

He stood from his desk and made his way over to the table where the food sat. You followed, sitting down with your portion of the food he had ordered for you. You tried to act as normal as possible but it was hard with everything floating around in your head and the uncertainty of its truth. You had to know and you figured this conversation was inevitable anyway. 

“Why don’t you talk about your past? About your family?” You asked, feeling scared and brave at the very same time. 

He looked up from his food, eyeing you with anger he was trying hard to suppress. “Because it’s unimportant.”

“Unimportant. You think it’s unimportant that you’ve been with handfuls of women who claim that you were just using them?” you shot back.

“That is a highly inaccurate statement,” he said, the anger he was trying to suppress coming to the surface now. 

“Don’t lie to me,” you said as you felt the tears starting to well in your eyes. 

“What do you want me to say?” He asked voice raised. You both had stopped eating, forgetting about the food in front of you entirely. 

“I want the truth Kylo. Don’t you trust me?” You pleaded with him, hoping he’d want to share a small piece of himself with you then maybe that would explain why you were here. Him trusting you might reveal that you’re different, different from the others before you. 

“It’s not that easy.” His answer was short and cold.

You took a moment to collect yourself. “I understand that there are things about your past that are hard for you to talk about but suddenly I’m being told by your receptionist that I’m just another pawn in whatever game you're playing and that doesn’t feel great Kylo.” 

“You shouldn’t believe everything you hear,” he said, his entire body tense as he clutched his fists. 

“What am I to you Kylo?  _ Am I _ just your plaything?  _ Am I _ just here to keep your cock warm?” You couldn’t hide your frustration anymore. “I care about you Kylo, more than I’m sure you know, and I just- I just want a piece of you!” Your tears were falling from your eyes now.

“You weren’t supposed to get attached!” He yelled, catching himself and realizing he was still in his office. 

“Please don’t do that. Don’t put this all on me,” you sobbed, his words stinging your heart. 

“Why- why do you care? Why do you  _ want  _ a piece of me?” You could see the fury in his eyes but beyond that, desperation. He wanted an answer,  _ needed  _ an answer as to why you were fighting him. Why you would care for someone like him. 

You knew what you wanted to say but you also knew that you couldn’t say it. Something in your gut told you he’d run. 

“I care because I feel a connection to you that I’ve never felt with anyone else. And you know what? That scares me to death Kylo but I’m willing to risk  _ everything  _ to keep that connection. You make me feel like no one ever has before. You. Just the way you are. And I’m sorry to say this Kylo but I am attached. I’m invested in this,” you said pointing between the two of you. “And because of that, I’m tired of this being so one-sided. I want to  _ know  _ who you are.”

Silence fell upon you both, like moonlight on the snow. 

He was taking in your words, analyzing them in his mind, trying to find the right words to respond with. Nothing felt right. 

“Trust me, you don’t want to know me.”

You were hoping for something different. You were disappointed when that was all you got. You were respectful of his struggle talking about these things but you had to be honest with yourself, you were tired. At that moment you decided that it would be up to him. You would wait for when he is ready because, in all honesty, he was worth it. 

“I can’t do this,” you said as you got up from your chair. “Call me if you’re ever ready to talk, I’ll be ready to listen.” And you walked out of his office never looking back. 

-

-

-

The rest of your workday was long and you were glad to finally be home. This was one night you were glad Poe wasn’t home, you just needed to cry without judgment and without questioning. You plopped on your couch as you weeded through your mail. You stopped at an envelope addressed to you in handwriting you didn’t recognize. 

You quickly opened the envelope and took out the contents. It was just a small, blank postcard with five words written on it.

**_Stay away from Ben Solo_ **

Who the heck was Ben Solo and why were you supposed to stay away from him? You looked again at the envelope thinking they mailed it to the wrong person but it was your name and your address. You sat puzzled by the note and the urgency it portrayed despite having any punctuation. 

_ Solo.  _ That name sounded familiar somehow. 

You grabbed your laptop because you were curious. You figured a simple google search on Ben Solo might give you some answers. And that’s exactly what you did. The results confirmed the familiarity of the name Solo. 

Leia and Han Solo. They were business tycoons who made a huge name for themselves by making money and using that money to influence. Leia was an heiress, inheriting all of her family’s money after their passing, leaving none of it to her only brother. She was now regarded among most as “America’s Princess.” 

The first article you read was about the unfortunate death of Leia’s husband which left her as a single mother to a teen Ben Solo. You turned your search to images, trying to understand why someone would send you a letter asking you to stay away from someone you had never met. 

Then you saw it. A family picture of the Solo’s and dead center a young Ben who had some of the exact features as Kylo Ren. Your mind exploded trying to make sense of all the knowledge that you had received in the past hours. 

_ Was Kylo Ren, Ben Solo? _

_ Why did he change his name? _

_ Why didn’t he think he could tell you? _

_ Who wanted you to stay away from him? _

You couldn’t stop your mind from thinking and questioning everything. No matter how much you read, how much you searched you couldn’t be sure if Kylo was really Ben and you couldn’t stop thinking about the note. It was concerning to you that an unknown person had your address and was ordering you to do something like that. The more you looked at the note, the more you kept repeating the words in your head, the more it sounded like a threat. 

In your panic, you fought the urge to call Kylo. How were you going to tell him about this? Should you even tell him about this? You knew his feelings about his family were not warm and fuzzy and you were sure he had changed his name for a reason if your hunch was correct. He was pissed the last time you saw him and mentioned family, it was probably smart just to keep this to yourself for now. 

You did a sweep of your apartment, making sure every nook and cranny was locked so that no one without a key could get in. You calmed yourself down, reminding yourself that you’re safe with everything locked. 

You tucked the note away into your desk drawer and crawled into bed trying to push all the thoughts swimming in your mind, out of your head so you could get some rest. 

_ Just be careful _

_ Look out for yourself  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! Hope you enjoyed this angsty chapter! It was really fun to write! We're picking up some speed here at least it is in my mind so, I'm really excited for the upcoming chapters! I know I'm late again updating but I think chapters are going to be posted once a week. I'm going to try and get them up every Friday. I did recently start a little part-time job which is why this chapter is late so just bear with me. And as always my DM's are always open on twitter @adamdsolo Thanks ily all!


	12. Agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You woke up earlier than your alarm. You hadn’t gotten much sleep, all you could think about was that note. And Kylo. Or Ben? Whoever he was, he wasn’t far from your mind even though you were desperately trying not to think of him.

You woke up earlier than your alarm. You hadn’t gotten much sleep, all you could think about was that note. And Kylo. Or Ben? Whoever he was, he wasn’t far from your mind even though you were desperately trying not to think of him.

Rey finally had a free day from shooting and asked to meet you for coffee. You had so much to catch her up on and you were excited to hear how filming was going for her. You got yourself dressed and headed to the café. You were early this time, Rey hadn’t even arrived yet, so you sat in your favorite booth and ordered yourself a cappuccino and some pastries for the two of you.

It was hard not to think while you waited. And you couldn't think of anything else but _him_. 

You were more hurt than angry at Kylo. You understood why he didn’t feel like he could physically tell you all about his past but you didn’t understand why he tried so hard to hide it from you. You weren’t one to judge. And he knew you inside and out. He knew about your family and you had even told him a little bit about Dak. You weren’t hiding from him.

It was so confusing but, you knew telling him not to contact you until he was ready was what needed to be done. You were already in too deep, invested into the relationship and you wanted it to succeed whether Kylo did or not. You liked how you felt with him and you were willing to see where things would go. But in order for them to move forward, there needed to be trust...an understanding between the two of you. You were willing to wait. To see if what you had actually meant enough to him...for him to trust you with his secrets. You weren’t sure if Kylo was feeling the same things you were but you hoped he was.

You were lost in thought looking out the cafe window when you saw Rey heading towards the entrance. You stood up as she walked in and brought her in for a big bear hug when she reached you.

“It’s so good to see you! I feel like it’s been forever,” Rey said squeezing you back.

“I know! I’ve missed you so much!” You replied, taking your seats in the booth.

“You have to tell me all about filming,” you said, excited to hear about her experience so far.

Rey ordered herself a coffee and began telling you all about the show. She said she was learning so much and how happy she was getting to fully step into a character. Being able to play a different person from herself was clearly a thrill for her.

“Every day I get to step into someone who is totally different from who I am in real life! It’s an incredible feeling!" There was a moment of silence after she finished her thought. "But enough about me, what is going on with you?” She asked, reaching out to give your arm a squeeze. She already knew something was up. She knew the moment she saw you. But you were glad that she waited to bring it up. You wanted to hear more about how she was doing rather than talk about your problems. 

“I’m doing fine,” you said with a small smile, “I’ve been busy at work which is great!”

“And how is Kylo?” She asked, knowing that if it wasn’t work causing you problems it must be him.

You just looked at her for a moment hoping that she wouldn’t make you say it out loud but she said nothing, just waited.

“We got into a fight yesterday...it didn’t end well. I basically gave him a ‘get out of jail free card’ and I don’t know if he’ll take it,” you said, eyes finding your fidgeting hands in front of you.

“I’m sorry bubs,” she said looking at you with the saddest eyes in the world.

“It’s ok, I just have to prepare myself for whatever choice he decides to make,” you replied.

Rey saw how sad and upset you looked. She hated seeing you this way and always tried her best to cheer you up. “Why don’t we go out tonight? It’s my first night off in a while and I want to have some fun,” Rey said.

You were skeptical about saying yes. You just didn’t feel like partying but you thought about the alternative. If you didn’t go out, you’d just be sitting in your apartment, thinking, and that sounded worse.

“Yes let's do it!” 

Rey was so happy you had said yes and couldn’t stop talking about this new place she wanted to try.

You sat there at the café for some time just enjoying each other’s company. Talking about work and reminiscing about the good times you had at school together. You were always so grateful to have Rey. Even on your worst days, she would be there willing to talk but more importantly, willing to listen. 

-

-

-

Later that day just as you were getting ready for your night out, your phone rang. You didn’t think anything of it until you picked it up and saw who was waiting on the other end.

It was Kylo.

You hesitated even answering but being who you were, you worried, hoping everything was ok.

“Hello,” you answered, hesitant.

“Hi,” he responded. You could feel his unease through the phone. Once you realized that everything was fine you were confused as to why he was calling.

“What’s going on Kylo, I really don’t have that much time.”

“Come over tonight.” It wasn’t really a question and you weren’t going to let him order you around when you were clear with him about what you wanted.

“Are you ready to talk then?”

A pause.

“No.”

“Well, I guess there isn’t much else to say then. I better get going anyway.”

You knew Rey had to be waiting for you downstairs and now you were even more ready to go out and take your mind off of things. To take your mind off of Kylo.

“Where are you going.” Again not a question, a demand. His tone was already changing into agitation.

“Out.” You knew your short, un-detailed answer would irritate him even more and for some reason you liked it.

“With who?” He said voice raised.

“With my friends not that it’s any of your business,” you snapped back.

“None of my business? It was none of my business last time but I’m glad I showed up when I did!”

“I can take care of myself Kylo so, I suggest you call back when you’re ready to do what I asked you to.” You hung up the phone and just breathed trying to calm yourself down. A car honking outside your window made you realize Rey was waiting for you.

You grabbed the rest of your things and headed out the door. Rey was in the car and you hopped in seeing her excited face. It instantly put a smile on your face and you pushed thoughts of Kylo out of your mind so you could enjoy the night.

And that is what you did. The spot Rey took you to was exciting and thrilling. There was music and dancing and it was exactly what you needed. A lot of Rey’s co-workers were there too and you loved being able to meet some of her new acquaintances. You couldn’t remember how many pictures you all took together or how many you posted to your social media. By the time you made it back to your apartment, you couldn’t remember much of anything which is exactly what you wanted.

-

-

-

After your eventful weekend, it was back to work and you were busy running all over the city doing different shoots for different clients. So when you finally had a day at the office to catch up on editing, you were a little disappointed to find out from your boss that she had another urgent assignment for you.

“I’m afraid I need you again my dear,” Jo said to you, a small frown on her face. She knew how hard you’d been working and that you could use a break. She was amazing like that and you knew how lucky you were to have her as a boss.

“What’s the job?” You said with a soft chuckle, knowing deep down no matter how exhausted you were, you would do what she asked of you. 

“Kylo Ren. We need headshots of him for our January edition and he personally requested you.”

Your body began fuming at the sound of his name. Of course, he would “request” you. He knew exactly how to get to you in a way you wouldn’t be able to resist.

You tried hard to hide your disdain by asking details about what needed to be done. Jo gave you a brief overview of what they were looking for but also told you to be creative and try new things. You loved that about her. No matter what the task, she always encouraged you to try and add your own spin on things.

You told her that you would do it of course. She told you that the studio was open for you to go now so, you grabbed your things and headed right over. 

Kylo was already there waiting for you. You didn’t even look him in the eye when you entered the room, rather you got straight to work on setting everything up so you could finish the shoot as quickly as possible.

He, however, couldn’t stop looking at you. You could see him watching your every move from the corner of your eye. You were suddenly aware of how much you did not want to be here. The tension between the two of you filled the air and reminded you of the first time you met him. Your heart ached at the memory because you knew what came after it. All the good. And then you knew where you were now.

You took a deep breath and made your way over to him. You told yourself you’d treat him like any other client that you didn’t know. You could feel his eyes on you as you approached.

“Ok sir, we are just doing headshots today so it should be fairly simple,” you said, finally having the courage to meet his eyes. The intensity of his stare, the longing and desperation in his eyes making you stand still for a moment. You saw his mouth start to move as if he wanted to say something but you cut him off quickly.

“Let’s have you sit facing this way,” you said motioning to him the position you needed him in. You returned to your camera looking through the viewfinder, checking to see if the angles and lighting were to your liking.

“Tilt your head up and to the right,” you said and he complied, not taking his eyes off the camera...off of you.

The rest of the shoot went just like that. He let you take charge and do your job and didn’t say a word. Once you were finished, you started packing up your things as your other co-workers left. Kylo didn’t leave. He stayed, waiting for his moment to talk to you. He got his chance when you were the only two left in the room.

Your back was facing him as you felt him approach you. “I’m not really in the mood Kylo,” you said, exhausted from a long day. You turned around to face him. He was tense, hands clutched at his sides. You watched him as he tried to find the words.

“I just want to talk,” he said.

“Ok...I’m ready to listen,” you replied knowing in your heart it still wasn’t going to be what you needed him to talk about.

“Not about that,” he said as his jaw tensed.

“Then WHAT Kylo? You have to know I’m serious about what I said last week!” Your own frustration with him was finally coming to the surface.

“Why does it matter!” You could tell he was irritated that he wasn’t getting what he wanted. “It seemed like you were having fun this weekend without me. Did you take that guy home with you?”

Now you were livid but you couldn’t help the tears from forming in your eyes.

“Honestly Kylo, at this point I don’t really know why it matters. You told me I wasn’t supposed to get attached but for some reason, I did and I _still_ care. And if you feel even a sliver of something for me then you would _know_ why it matters. How do you expect me to be happy when I'm constantly wondering if you are _really_ at work? If your anger stems from something I did or because of some family issue? If _you_ are ok?" 

You took a breath and continued.

“And no, I didn’t take anyone home with me that night, not that you should even care. The fact that you would even accuse me of something like that-” the tears were falling in sobs now. He was being cruel and it shattered your heart into tiny broken glass pieces.

He said nothing. 

He always says nothing.

“And there you go silent again. I just think you don’t think I’m good enough. Good enough for you to trust me...to trust me with your burdens. But Kylo if you only knew. If you only knew how I really felt about you-” you stopped yourself before revealing something you might regret in the future.

“I’m in agony Kylo, I miss you so much, but I can’t allow myself to just run into your arms every time you show up after an argument. If I mean anything to you, you need to show me that I do mean _something_ , and you know exactly how to do that.”

You looked at him, his eyes no longer met yours, his head hung and he looked defeated. You couldn’t deny that it hurt you to see him like this but, you had to do what was best for you. It was so hard but you gathered your things and walked out of the studio. Leaving Kylo there to absorb your words.

-

-

-

Every day for the rest of the week you came home to a minimum of two gifts, sometimes even more, all from Kylo. He got you jewelry, clothes, a new phone, you name it, he sent it to you. You collected them in your room, never taking anything out of their boxes, with the full intention of sending them all back to him.

You couldn't believe that he thought sending you expensive gifts would be the way back to your heart. It was so far from what you truly wanted from him and you were sure his intentions were good but he knew what you really wanted from him. 

You never thought of yourself as materialistic. Of course, there were things you wanted from time to time and things you bought for yourself but you were nothing like some of the people you knew. Ever since you could remember you felt uncomfortable when receiving gifts. You never felt deserving and you always enjoyed giving rather than receiving. This influx of gifts being at your doorstep every day wasn’t sitting right with you and you wanted it to stop. Poe might have enjoyed seeing the different items that were delivered but you had no interest.

You didn’t want to call Kylo and tell him yourself because you knew he wouldn’t understand. So you called the only person you knew would be in contact with him, Elliot. You found his number on the business card he had given you a while back. You asked him to come to your apartment, that you had a favor to ask of him.

When he arrived, you and Poe carried all the boxes Kylo had sent you, down to Elliot and put them in his car. He was surprised at the number of boxes and at the fact that you wouldn’t want to keep them.

“Thank you for doing this Elliot,” you said, giving him a small smile.

“Of course, is there anything you’d like me to tell Mr. Ren?”

“Yes actually. Tell him…” you paused trying to find the right thing to say, “tell him that trying to buy me back won’t work. Showering me with gifts isn’t what is going to get me to come back and it isn’t what I want. What I want is for him to trust me, to be comfortable enough around me to tell me the truth. That to me is worth more than any gift he could possibly buy me.”

“I’ll be sure to relay the message,” Elliot said with a smile before getting in the car and driving off.

*****Kylo’s POV*******

Kylo was in his office when he heard his doorbell. He wasn’t expecting anyone. His heart started beating fast in his chest with the possibility of _her_ being on the other side of the door. He hated that his hopes were this high. _What was she doing to him?_ When he opened the door to see it was only Elliot he couldn’t help but feel disappointed. That disappointment led easily to frustration, knowing that she still wasn’t budging on her request.

“Elliot,” he said, giving him access to enter. Kylo was puzzled as to why he had boxes on top of boxes in his hands. He hadn’t ordered anything. He hadn’t even asked Elliot here in the first place.

“Hello Mr. Ren, I’m sorry to disturb you but I’ve come to return the gifts you sent to-”

“Return?!” Kylo said cutting him off. His frustration was growing as he listened to Elliot explain word for word what message she had told him to deliver. 

She had asked him to show her he cared. Gifts, in his mind, were always a way to express affection. His parents would always send him gifts and as a child, he knew it was their way of telling him they loved him.

_Why couldn’t she just accept the gifts?_ His mind was racing with thoughts. Maybe they weren’t good enough. Who was he kidding, no gift could be good enough for how much she meant to- He quickly pushed that thought out of his mind.

_Why did he care so much?_

She was under his skin, constantly in his mind and it was almost frustrating how much he couldn’t just forget her. She was asking to hear about the part of him that he was sure would make her run away. He didn’t want to subject her to that, he never wanted any of this for her.

Why did he let _himself_ get attached? He didn’t want to admit it, but it broke his heart that she would think he didn’t think of her as good enough. He was angry at himself for saying anything to her about that guy in her photos from the weekend. Of course, she wouldn’t take anyone home, not when there was still _something_ between the two of them. She was too good for him and it really did baffle him as to why she was still pushing him, still _wanting_ him...all of him. He truly didn’t deserve her and he knew she’d be much better off without him.

_Just let her go_ he would try telling himself but it never worked. Every time he closed his eyes he saw her. And when she was gone, she was in his nightmares too. Ever since she appeared in them, his nightmares were worse. Losing her was something he experienced every night. He wasn’t going to let it happen in his reality.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I am so, so sorry this chapter is so late! Thanksgiving threw me off and I just didn’t get to write when I planned to. Anywho, I hope you like this chapter and I hope it's not too repetitive. I just didn’t want Kylo to have it that easy lol. As always, thank you for your support and for reading, it does mean so much to me!! Please keep your comments coming. I love reading each and every one!! And if you ever need anything, you can find me on twitter @adamdsolo  
> xo, Laur


	13. Refuge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You threw yourself into work. Though you were exhausted, it was the only way to keep you from running back to him. You weren’t going to deny that you missed him but you hated that you did.

You threw yourself into work. Though you were exhausted, it was the only way to keep you from running back to him. You weren’t going to deny that you missed him but you hated that you did.

Your days were long and when the time came for you to head home, you were ecstatic. You had no time for leisure activities. You often came home to shower and eat then immediately found solace in your bed, falling asleep.

It was finally Friday and you were so glad to have this weekend free. You were supposed to leave for Chicago in the afternoon and spend the weekend there working but the trip got canceled. As you left work you thought about all the things you’d like to do during your relaxing weekend. A bubble bath and wine were both musts.

You entered your building and began climbing the stairs to your apartment. When you stepped foot on the landing you couldn’t believe your eyes. The door to your apartment was wide open. You knew Poe wasn’t home since he was with Finn so, you were unsure what was going on. You slowly and carefully entered your apartment. It looked like a tornado had blown right through it. Broken plant pots scattered the floor, drawers were opened, and the floor was littered with everything and anything that must have gotten in the way of whoever did this.

“Hello? Is anybody there?” You were cautious as you knew this had to be a break-in. You made sure not to move or touch anything as you searched the house making sure no one was there.

You pulled out your phone and called the police to tell them what happened. They were quick to send a squad in to investigate. You texted Poe and told him what was going on. He tried calling but you were busy explaining things to the investigator. When he finally arrived he was just as shocked as you were. He pulled you into a big hug making sure you were ok and praising the gods above that you were both safe.

“Who would do something like this,” Poe said worriedly. “Did you notice anything missing?”

“No, nothing obvious at least, but then again I haven’t really looked,” you replied. Your anxiety was soaring and a million thoughts threatened your mind. How could you feel safe in your own home anymore? The investigators were asking you hundreds of questions and your mind couldn’t keep up. You couldn’t stop thinking about what would’ve happened if someone was home. You were just grateful that wasn’t the case.

You felt your phone buzz in your pocket and pulled it out. Seeing the contact name made your heart sink. Now was not the time. You excused yourself from the officer asking you questions, relieved to be out of that interrogation and picked up the phone.

“Hi Kylo, I’m sorry but I really don’t have time right now,” you said quickly to get your point across. You hoped he didn’t think you were avoiding him but you really couldn’t talk to him right now.

Like always he was observant. He noticed the shakiness of your voice and knew immediately something was off, something was _wrong_.

“What’s happened.” He was stern trying to mask the fear in his own voice.

“There was a break-in at my apartment. The police are here now and need me to answer some questions.” You looked over your shoulder at the officer who waited patiently for your return. Poe was talking to another in the corner while pictures of the mess were being taken and black powder was being dusted over items throughout your home to find any trace of fingerprints.

“I’m coming over,” he said abruptly and hung up the phone. There was no way for you to tell him not to bother. No way to tell him not to worry. But deep in your heart, you were glad he was coming. You needed him right now whether you knew it or not.

-

-

-

You didn’t realize the trouble Kylo would have to go through to get to you. The police had the whole building blocked off and those who were not residents couldn’t enter. But he was persuasive and managed to get to you quicker than you anticipated.

You saw his face and immediately felt your body relax. Having him here was a comfort. His eyes met yours and he rushed over to you taking your shoulders in his massive hands.

“Are you okay?” he said, looking you in the eyes. His were filled with dread and worry as they stared deep into your own.

“I’m fine,” you paused looking away, his gaze too intense for you to keep contact, “thank you...for coming,” you said softly.

“Were you here when it happened?” he asked. 

“Luckily no. I have a feeling they knew I was supposed to be going to Chicago this afternoon,” you responded looking around your apartment with a blank expression.

Kylo hadn’t known you were supposed to go to Chicago. You didn’t tell him and you could tell that it hurt him, angered him a little, not to have known but he couldn’t complain, especially not now.

“Do you have any idea who could’ve done this?” You knew if you did truly know, that Kylo would’ve left right then to hunt them down. You had your suspicions but you couldn’t be sure.

“No, I don’t know.” It technically wasn’t a lie but you said it like it was and Kylo caught on.

“What aren’t you telling me?” His eyes narrowed in on your face.

You hadn’t planned on telling him about the note. But after this, you thought you should. You grabbed his arm and pulled him off to the side where you couldn’t be heard by anyone. You had hidden the note and pulled it out to show him.

“I got this in the mail last week. I had no idea who it was from...” you paused before you said the next part of your sentence to gauge Kylo’s reaction when he saw what was on the note, “...or who it’s talking about.”

Kylo held the note in his hand, eyes staring daggers into the paper you were sure they would penetrate it. His whole body was tense and he couldn’t stop clenching his jaw. When he finally was able to peel away his eyes, they found yours, searching for the answers to the questions he was too afraid to ask you.

“We need to talk,” he said before crumbling the note in his fist.

The investigators finished their jobs and told you they would let you know as soon as they found the slightest bit of evidence. You expressed your concern about not feeling safe to stay in the apartment. They had offered to leave a patrol car outside of the building to keep watch but Kylo jumped in and said he’d be more than happy if you stayed with him for the time being. You were so frightened at the thought of being in your apartment, that you accepted. Kylo had offered Poe to stay with him as well but he was going to stay with Finn for a while.

You hugged your brother and told him to be safe as he did the same to you. Kylo walked you to his car and raced back to his penthouse without another word.

You entered his familiar home, duffle bag in hand, as he made his way over to the couch. He sat down and you could tell he was already more anxious than when you arrived.

“I called you today to tell you I was ready. Now I think it’s as good of a time as any.”

He paused as you watched him fiddle with his hands in nervousness as his head hung to his chest. You couldn't help but feel a pang of happiness in your heart that he was willing to do this. That he was finally ready to talk to you. 

“I want to tell you everything but-” he was squeezing the life out of his hands now, “but I just physically can’t...not right now.” He finally looked at you with pleading eyes. He was desperate to have you back and he hoped this would be enough. That his best would be enough.

You made your way towards him, sitting on the couch beside him, and taking his hands in your own like you did Halloween night. He still flinched at your touch, confused as to why you would want to.

“I’m ready to listen...” you paused, squeezing his hands so he would look at you, “...to as much as you are comfortable telling me.” Your small smile helped him relax, helped him trust you.

“Well...I guess I should start with probably the most important thing, and the most relevant thing.” You could already see how hard it was for him to say the words out loud as he took in deep breathes.

“I was born into the Solo family as Ben Solo.” His eyes found yours trying to understand your reaction but you were calm. Little did he know, you already had your hunch about his true identity. 

“My mom came from an extremely wealthy family and used her inheritance and influence to grow her wealth even more. So when I was born, it was important that I was a model child and one they could be proud of. I was like a well-bred horse for them to show off. But soon they were never around, soon I wasn't even living with them.”

Your thumb kept caressing his hand, tracing over the veins that stuck out, making sure he knew you were here. You let him talk and you simply listened.

“The real problem was that I was constantly living in their shadow,” he continued. “Things started to be handed to me without me actually earning them just because they knew who my parents were. I didn’t like that.”

“So when I was old enough to get out, I changed my name and tried to get as far away from them as possible, to make my own way in the world with honesty.”

He paused. Taking a moment to collect his thoughts. To process the words he wanted to say next as if he had to tread carefully.

“As far as the women go...yes I got with many different women but that was at the start of my career. When my mother found me and tried to get me to come back, I rebelled by being involved with several different women because I knew it would hurt her.”

You wondered why getting with different women would hurt his mother, why something like that would even matter. But you knew if he couldn’t say it, you wouldn’t push him on it.

“But things are different now, you’re-” he stopped looking down at his feet not sure if he should continue. After a moment, his head lifted and he looked into your eyes, “You’re different.”

Your eyes met, his hazel irises lighting up at the kindness in your face. Your smile grew at his words and something about the way he said it made you believe it. There was still a small part of you that was skeptical but you figured that was normal.

“So what about the note? Do you think I should be worried?” You said, recalling the events from earlier in the evening.

“I can’t be sure if the note and the break-in are connected,” he said earnestly. “I have a feeling the note was just from one of my mom’s minions.”

“Why would they send something like that?”

“She probably just wants to scare you away because she has this ideal life planned out for me and I'm sure it doesn't involve you.”

The ideal life for him. Wonder what that was? Your brows furrowed as your gaze was nailed to the floor just thinking of it, then you noticed Kylo starring.

He saw the look on your face and placed his other hand on top of your own. “But I don't care about any of that. You’ll be safe here with me, I promise. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

You don’t know what came over you. Maybe it was those last words. Maybe it was him trusting you enough to tell you his story. Maybe it was because you missed him so much. But you leaned into him and your lips found his. They were soft and familiar as they kissed you back with such a passion. He missed you too.

You moved to straddle his lap as your hands found his hair and scraped his scalp. His eyes fluttered at your touch and he wrapped his arms around you, making you feel that safety he promised. His hands were warm and soft as they touched the skin of your back, taking your sweater with them.

He held onto you as he stood. His mouth never leaving yours as he carried you up the stairs and into the bedroom. It wasn’t until he laid you on the bed that he broke the kiss. He quickly removed his own shirt and pants leaving him only in his underwear. He unbuttoned your jeans and pulled them off of you, his hands running up your legs and stopping at your hips.

You unclasped your bra and threw it on the ground. He crawled onto the bed and found your lips again. Your hands seeking out his flesh and scratching his chest. Your hips were grinding up into his hard bulge making you wet and needy. But he couldn’t stop kissing you. It was like he was trying to tell you something with his lips but you couldn’t quite figure out what it was.

You were growing impatient. It had seemed like forever since you felt him inside of you and you needed him _now_. Your hands found the waistband of his boxers, grazing the happy trail of dark hair from his belly button that led to exactly what you wanted. You pushed them down, freeing his hard cock. You weren’t even sure he noticed, he was too occupied with your mouth, so you took him in your hand and began pumping his shaft. 

He moaned causing him to break the kiss, leaving your lips plump and swollen.

“No,” he said, taking your hand away.

“Please Kylo, I need-” you didn’t finish as he pulled your panties aside and ground his cock between your slick folds. You shuddered at the feeling, sending goosebumps over your whole body. Then, finally, he pushed into you. It stung only for a second as he stretched you out.

“Oh fuck Kylo!” You adjusted to him as he fit perfectly all the way inside you. He found his pace and found your lips again. Your chests were flush against one another and your hands were like feathers on his back.

The intimacy, the sensuality of the moment, was only adding to your arousal and you could feel yourself getting close already. “I want you to come with me, can you do that?” He asked, eyes filled with lust but soft and inviting. You nodded your head as your whole body began to heat up. 

“I’m already so close Kylo,” you said, almost warning him that you wouldn’t be able to hold on any longer. He quickened his pace and you clenched around him, helping him reach his own peak. He was close now too and moved back from you to rub tight circles on your clit. He felt you tighten as you reached your climax and you felt him twitch inside you. And like magic, you were both coming, his warm cum coating your walls and meeting your own as your body shook with pleasure, and Kylo grunted out profanities.

He kept thrusting lazily into you, helping you both down from your high. “That’s my good girl,” he said petting your head and placing kisses at the pulse of your neck. You let yourself relax into the mattress as his mouth covered your body with soft kisses.

Eventually, he pulled out of you and grabbed a shirt out of his dresser tossing it to you. You cleaned yourself up in the bathroom not even bothering to put on the pajamas you brought because his shirt was enough. It smelled like him.

He was already laying in the bed, on top of the sheets, as you approached. You pulled the covers down and climbed in.

You laid there for a while trying to force yourself into a blissful rest but your mind wouldn't rest. You couldn't stop thinking about the break-in, about Kylo's past, about a future with him. You couldn't stop the words from coming out of your mouth.

“Kylo?” you said softly not sure if he was sleeping.

“Hmm?” he replied low and groggy.

“Can you-” you hesitated, “can you hold me?”

His body shifted, turning to face you. You saw his eyes glisten from the moonlight as he took you in and thought of how he should respond. It felt like an eternity before he moved again. He climbed under the covers settling beneath them. You turned as he wrapped his arms around and pulled you in close so your back was against his chest.

Tears threatened your eyes. Not from sadness, not from hurt, but from happiness, from pure joy. This act, him holding you, it felt so right, like you belonged right there. That your bodies were molded with the other in mind. You fit perfectly together as you nuzzled in and found a comfortable position. You felt his chin nestle into the crevice between your jaw and shoulder and the tears fell.

He had trusted you today. He had let you in. Maybe it wasn’t a wide-open door but it was a crack. Enough for you to reach him. When the day started you never imagined it would end like this. The high anxiety of the day finally went away as you laid there in his arms.

He might not feel it, and he might not even know it, but with his arms around you, you felt the safest you’d ever been. The weight of those arms securing you like a warm blanket. Your hands came to rest on his around your waist and you were content as you closed your eyes. 

You could spend forever like this. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, lovelies! here's chapter 13! It took me a while just to sit down and write it but once I started I had so much fun with this one. So, I hope you like it too!! As always keep your lovely thoughts and comments coming I LOVE THEM SO MUCH and I appreciate them more than you know! If you ever need anything, feel free to slide in the DM's on Twitter @adamdsolo! xo, Laur


	14. Serendipity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After your eventful Friday, you wake up at Kylo's with no intention of doing what you planned for that day. But could he change your mind?

It was cold and dark and your whole body felt like it wanted to give up. You were trudging through the snow trying to stay bundled up with the thin coat that covered your body and scarf that threatened to blow away in the wind. The street lamps were lit but the very dim light offered no illumination on who the figure in front of you was. You squinted, hoping that the narrowing of your eyes would somehow, magically allow you to see clearer.

You recognized that shape, that large frame that walked in front of you. You started to scream out his name but he kept walking ahead, never looking back. You ran trying to get closer to him, trying to get him to notice you. Why wasn’t he noticing you? You closed the space between you and your frail hand came out from your coat pocket to tap his shoulder.

“Kylo.” Your voice was barely a whisper, echoing in your ears barely able to be heard. He didn’t flinch, he just kept walking. You could feel the frustration building and you got ahead of him placing both hands on his shoulders. This caused him to stop but he never looked up. You shook him and screamed his name as you felt an immense fear build inside you.

“Look at me!” You screamed. “Why won’t you look at me!” 

Somehow you felt the warm tears falling down your cheeks as the man who you thought might have even an ounce of feeling for you, acted like you didn’t even exist. You felt like a ghost who hadn’t passed through yet, coming back to say goodbye to the one you loved. But he couldn’t hear you. He couldn’t see you.

_Was he grieving you? Or was he happy you were gone?_

-

-

-

A loud clanging noise woke you up and pulled you out of your dream. You were panting trying to catch your breath from the images you had just seen behind the darkness of your eyelids. It had felt real. Too real.

Kylo was missing from the other side of the bed. He was no longer holding you like he did last night. His familiar warmth close to your back was gone and you didn’t like the feeling of it being missing. You climbed out of the bed and made your way downstairs. You hoped he would still be home but the reality was that he probably wasn’t.

To your surprise, you found him in the most pleasing situation as you reached the bottom of the stairs. Kylo had set up a mini-workout area in the living room for the winter. He was shirtless, sitting on the edge of the bench, back facing you. You could hear the grunts and heavy breaths he was letting out each time he would curl his arms towards his chest, clutching the heavy dumbbells in his hand. Every muscle was being worked and being exposed. He hadn’t heard you come down so you had the opportunity to just watch without him knowing. The sweat made his back glisten as you saw each drop slide down his back finding the curves of his muscles and the divots of his scars. You were in awe of him, of his strength, of just how massive he really was, and you couldn’t help but press your thighs together.

His hair was tied up messily into a bun and you thought you’d die right there. Your brain couldn’t process how celestial the moment was and how everything about him was sculpted perfectly and put into place like the last piece of a puzzle. His weights came crashing down as he finished his reps pulling you from your thoughts and making you gasp. It was loud enough for him to hear and he whipped around as if he was expecting you to be someone else. His face softened when he saw it was you.

“Good morning,” he said, as you stood in shock that he actually spoke a greeting first.

“Good morning,” you replied with a smile, “no work today?”

He stood up from the bench and started making his way towards the kitchen. You followed. “Surprisingly no.” He looked relieved, less on edge than he did when he didn’t have work to worry about. He started pulling breakfast foods from the fridge and placing them on the counter. 

“So what do you have planned for today?” You asked, curious as to what Kylo Ren does on a day off.

“I could ask you the same thing,” he said trying to hold back a smirk.

“Well, I have lots of Christmas shopping to do that I have been putting off. It was my plan to go today but I’m not really sure if I’m in the mood anymore.” You weren’t lying. You had been putting off your shopping for weeks, you always found it so boring. And you _were_ going to do it today but after everything that happened yesterday, you were wiped out.

“Eat, I’m going to go take a shower,” he said, leaving you alone once again. You tried putting something together but you kept seeing the image of a sweaty Kylo in your brain. A sweaty Kylo in the _shower_. 

_What am I doing down here when he’s up there...naked?_ You thought to yourself. You didn’t waste a second as you ascended the stairs and tiptoed back to his room. You heard the shower running as you entered and just the thought of him, made the pool between your thighs grow. You stripped down and made your way towards the shower. His back was facing you so you slowly opened the door to the shower and stepped in.

He was gorgeous. For a moment you found yourself thinking why someone as beautiful as him would want someone like you? You never tired of seeing his naked body. It was sculpted so perfectly and you were desperate to get your hands on him.

Your hands reached out and slipped under his arms to graze his chest. You felt his body tense before he was spinning around, his hand immediately grabbing your neck and sucking the air from you. His eyes seemed glassy like he couldn’t see that it was you, that in his mind you were someone else. He pushed you against the cold hard wall of the shower before his head shook slightly and he realized it was you. His grip loosened as you both stared at each other with fear in your eyes. You could tell he was upset. Upset at himself for hurting you when it was never his intention to do so.

You were concerned at his reaction, placing a hand on his cheek to let him feel you, to let him know that it was _you._ That you were real, you were present. His eyes searched your face looking for a sign that you were ok. When he found it, he pulled the back of your neck towards him as his mouth met your own in a deep soft kiss. For all the times you kissed Kylo you knew each one had a meaning, each one was a message he wished he could say with words. This time it was atonement, a plea for forgiveness. And you accepted, taking his face in your hands and holding him like he was porcelain that could fall and break if you didn't hold on tight enough. 

As you both moved closer to one another you felt his hardening cock against your stomach. Your body reacted to the feeling as you stood on your tiptoes so the head of his cock was prodding at your clit. You shuddered at the sensation and began rocking your hips into him becoming desperate to quench your thirst.

“We don’t have much time,” he whispered into your neck. You stopped to look at him, confusion littering your face.

“What do you mean? I thought you didn’t have work?”

“I don’t. We have shopping to do, don't we?” He said as he continued placing kisses on your neck. The smile on your face grew wide. “You-” you grabbed his face pulling him up so his eyes met yours, “you want to shop? With me?”

He chuckled at your amazement and your heart fluttered. “ _I_ don’t have shopping to do but yes, I’ll join you for yours.”

You kissed him, jumping onto him as your legs wrapped around his waist and his hands supported your weight under your thighs. You still needed him and he knew it too. You felt the tip of his cock find your entrance and thrust in. You moaned loudly at the feeling. His thumb immediately found your clit and began rubbing circles as he thrust into you deeply, working quickly to help you find release.

You were soon clenching around his cock as he felt your climax build. He placed light kisses around your breasts as you screamed his name feeling your orgasm take over your whole body. His thrusts slowed as you came down from your high. When he felt that you were safe enough to stand he pulled out of you. You whined.

“But Kylo you-”

“It’s ok we have to go,” he said, but you could see his cock twitching, aching to be soothed. Your hand quickly moved to stroke him in your palm before he could leave. The feeling, left a soft moan escape his lips. You got to your knees, your tongue grazing his tip as your hand continued pumping his shaft and your eyes found his. He was already so close so you knew this wouldn’t take long. Your mouth covered his tip and you began moving your head back and forth trying to get him in as deep as you could. He couldn’t take the feeling any longer and soon he was spilling his salty load on your tongue. He watched you as you kept pumping him through his high, swallowing every last bit of him.

His hands gripped your elbows and pulled you up off your knees. His mouth found yours again with a groan. “Come on,” he said, “We should really get going.” You both rinsed off together before exiting the shower and getting bundled up and ready for a day filled with shopping in New York City.

-

-

-

The day was long, you couldn’t deny that, and all the stores were packed. It made it easier having Kylo there. You couldn’t really explain why but it just did. You were proud of yourself that you were able to accomplish everything you wanted to. You got gifts for Poe, Finn, Rey, your mom, and even Kylo. That one was tricky to get because you didn’t know what a billionaire who could get anything he wanted at the snap of his fingers, would want for Christmas. You managed to sneakily purchase something small for him without him noticing.

You could tell he was uneasy and anxious, mostly by the crowds, the whole time. “You do this every year?” He asked you.

“Yep, and every year it’s last-minute because I hate dealing with this,” you said gesturing around the crowded space.

“Yeah I don’t blame you,” he said looking around at the hustle and bustle of the people that cluttered the store.

“Come on, I’ve got one more place to go,” you said guiding him out of the store.

The next place you needed to stop at was a far walk. The silence between the two of you was comfortable but you could tell he needed a distraction. Something about his unease in the morning, how he choked you with such force without even realizing it was you, made you worry that something was wrong. That something was on his mind. You didn’t want to pressure him into telling you what was wrong. He had just opened himself up to you and you knew he still hadn’t told you everything because some things were still hard. So you thought non-threatening questions might be a good way to keep him from trapping himself in his mind. 

“What’s your favorite color?” You both were walking side by side and you could tell he was walking slower than normal since his big strides were often hard to keep up with. He turned his head towards you at the question finding it odd.

“What?" You said. "So I want to learn fun things about you, is that so bad?” You saw the corner of his mouth rose into a small smile.

“I guess black,” he said, aware of how boring and probably obvious his answer was.

“Ok, um...do you like to read?”

“Hmm, curious today aren’t we?” He somehow had moved closer to you. “I do but I haven’t in a long time...I’ve just been too busy.”

“Interesting,” you said teasingly, “where is your favorite place you’ve ever been to?”

“Singapore. I go there often for work and it is just an alluring city-state.”

“Oh wow that is really... um... that is really cool,” you said trying to hide the shock and excitement in your voice. You had no idea he traveled so far and so often. You wondered when his next trip was and if he'd even tell you that he was leaving. 

“Ok how about your birthday. When’s the big day?” You said turning your head to look at him with a big smile. That smile immediately faded as you saw his expression harden.

“Oh I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-”

“No, no it’s ok,” he said, cutting you off and realizing his sour expression. He paused for a while before he finally answered. “It was actually yesterday.”

“KYLO!” You yelled punching him in the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me! Shit, I feel terrible and yesterday was like the worst day ever!”

“It’s nothing please, I don’t usually celebrate anyway,” he responded, taking your hand in his own, so naturally like you’d done it a million times.

“Well, we have to do something or let me get you a present!”

“No, I don’t need anything, really. Please don’t worry about it.”

You were coming up on Rockefeller Center as you saw the crowds of people gathered to watch the skaters on the rink.

“How about ice skating?” You said it so innocently which made Kylo grunt in what sounded like a laugh. You regretted the suggestion after seeing his reaction and you just laughed too.

You finally reached the last shop on your list for the day. You were exhausted, your feet were killing you and you could feel your stomach rumbling, begging you for a snack. You quickly found the gift you were looking for and went to the checkout. You had told Kylo he could just wait outside because you knew the crowds were getting to him. As you stood in line you tried to think of something you could do to celebrate his birthday. He seemed adamant about not wanting any type of gift but you wanted to do _something_. Birthdays are special whether he likes it or not. Then that little light bulb went off in your brain and you knew exactly where to go. You knew he’d hate it but you had always wanted to spend a birthday there so it couldn't be so bad.

You found Kylo outside leaning against the stone wall by the store. He didn’t look as exhausted as you, just annoyed. The sun was beginning to set on your day and the city began to brighten up in colors and twinkling lights. You always loved the city at Christmas. Who couldn’t?

“Ok let’s go,” you said motioning your head at him to follow.

“Home?” His question struck you. You were glad he couldn’t see your face. You knew what home meant to him but did he think home for you was the same place? Did he want that? You couldn’t stop your heart from beating fast and flushing your cheeks bright red. The thought of home being where Kylo was, was new and not something you thought about yet. 

“Not yet, I have a surprise,” you said, trying to compose yourself.

“I hate surprises.”

“Well isn’t that a surprise,” you said sarcastically and just continued walking. Reluctantly he followed.

-

-

-

When you reached your destination you were grinning ear to ear, you were so excited. Kylo just groaned. Serendipity was a cute little restaurant with the best desserts, meaning it was the best place to spend a birthday.

“What are the chances we actually spent your birthday together and I didn't even know it,” you said sitting down at the table for two inside the highly decorated restaurant. You were in awe at how cool this place was. It had been on your bucket list forever after watching the movie Serendipity and you were so happy you finally had a reason to go. 

“You know I’m not really a big fan of desserts,” he said, ignoring your epiphany.

“Oh come on, at least try the famous frozen hot chocolate!”

You weren’t sure if it was him just giving up and annoyed or if it was him wanting to make you happy but, that is what he ordered. The waiter soon came with your frozen desserts and placed them in front of you.

“Happy Birthday Kylo,” you said softly. “I know you might not like celebrating it but thank you for letting me do something.”

He didn’t say anything back and he didn’t have to. You knew, just from his eyes, that at that moment he was thankful for you.

You finished up your dessert and headed back out into the bitter cold night.

“Now home?” Kylo questioned, hoping your answer would please him this time.

“Yes...home.” It felt different saying it out loud but it also felt good. It felt like you were meant to say it.

The two of you started walking back to where Elliot had told you he’d be waiting to pick you up. The streets were clearer than they were earlier which also meant the cold hit you stronger. Kylo had his hands shoved in the pockets of his coat to keep them warm. You locked your elbow between his arm, getting as close to him as possible trying to keep yourself warm from his body heat. You couldn’t help but look up at him. This man, who you had grown to care for more and more every day no matter his flaws, no matter his demons. The holiday lights that surrounded you reflected in his eyes as you watched him concentrate on his steps. 

“What are you doing for Christmas?” You asked, curious if the man who didn’t care about celebrating his own birthday, cared about celebrating one of your favorite holidays.

He looked down at your small frame clinging to his arm. “Working.”

“Oh,” you said, not hiding the disappointment in your voice which he clearly observed.

“What about you?” He always surprised you when he seemed curious about your life. But you liked that he was.

“We’re going to my mom’s. Not looking forward to that drive though,” you said trying to take attention away from the fact that you had a family to spend Christmas with. You wished Kylo could spend Christmas with you because you knew he was all alone, just like Thanksgiving. But, you were too afraid to ask. Fearful of the rejection.

“Why don’t you all take the jet. I won’t be needing it.” He said it so casually as if everyone has their very own private jet just sitting around waiting for it to be used.

“Kylo I couldn’t-”

He cut you off. “No, I insist. You’re taking it and that’s final.” His words were firm but his eyes were soft as they watched your face, watched as your eyes found his own and found a home in them.

It was that night, hands and noses turning purple from the cold, that you realized wherever he was, was where you wanted to be. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! hope you enjoyed chapter 14! next chapter is a Christmas chapter so yay! Thank you so much for your continued support! As always it means everything that people are reading this story and enjoying it...it actually blows my mind if i dwell on it. I appreciate all the kind and supportive comments so please keep them coming! And if you ever have any comments, questions, or suggestions you can always DM me on twitter @adamdsolo! xo Laur


	15. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You go home for the holiday and while it's good to be back, old memories lurk in the creeks of your childhood home. They make you feel loss but help you appreciate what you have now.

You stayed with Kylo for the rest of the week still uneasy to stay overnight at your apartment. You knew you’d have to get over it though. As much as your heart warmed at the thought of staying at Kylo’s forever, you knew that’s not what he wanted. You would have to go back.

“I’m sorry if I’m overstaying my welcome,” you said, interrupting the bite of breakfast he was about to put in his mouth. It was strange how easily it was to “live” with him. Usually, you would get so annoyed with a roommate but with Kylo it was simple. You both knew how the other functioned in a way you couldn’t explain. He knew when you needed space and you knew when he wanted to be left alone as he worked busily.

You found his eyes as they looked at you intently.

“You haven’t overstayed your welcome at all,” he replied, continuing his bite.

Your face fell because you felt like he was lying. You felt that having you around might be too much or a burden. You always felt that people thought you were a lot. That you were annoying. So it was hard to believe that anyone would even want you around as often as Kylo did.

He caught the look on your face. You saw him panic a little thinking he might have said too much or the wrong thing. “But if you’re anxious to get back to your apartment, I can install a security system for you so you won’t have anything to worry about," he finished. 

You both weren’t saying what your hearts were screaming at you. “Oh,” you said, thinking that meant he wanted you to leave. “Sure that would be great.”

He just looked at you for a moment before answering, “Ok.”

You continued the rest of your meal in silence not wanting to communicate your true feelings to him out of fear. Fear of exposing too much. Of being humiliated and embarrassed when he didn’t feel the same.

Kylo got on the phone after cleaning up from your meal and you could hear he was giving instructions to someone. Then you heard your address. Wow, he’s moving quickly on this, you thought to yourself and it only made your mood sadden. Kylo hung up and headed to his office without another word. He was able to work from home today and as much as that could be used to your advantage you knew he would be too busy anyway.

You made your way up to the bedroom and rooted around through the pile of things you had building in the corner. You hadn’t been back to your apartment at all so all your Christmas gifts were here. You rooted through to find the one you bought for Kylo. You debated on whether you should physically give it to him but you figured you’d save yourself the embarrassment of him opening it and absolutely hating it. You wanted to hide it somewhere he would find it.

You tried to think of all the rooms he frequents and the different things he typically uses in a day to figure out a place to put it. You didn’t care if he got it before Christmas, you just didn’t want to be there when he did. You figured he gets clothes out of his dresser every day so you placed it in there under the shirt that was on top. You hoped he’d find it there.

While Kylo was busy working away you got all your things together, packed them up, and brought them downstairs sitting them by the door. You didn’t want to leave. Your heart ached at the thought of Kylo not being the first and last thing you saw each day. But you knew you had to.

You pulled out your phone to send a quick text to Poe, Finn, and Rey telling them you wanted to get together. You still hadn’t told them that Kylo offered for you all to take his jet. You figured you’d surprise them because you knew they would all freak out from excitement, especially Finn. You felt bad taking his jet...almost like you were taking advantage of _him._ But he had insisted and you really didn’t want to have to do that drive.

Kylo must have heard some of the noise you were making because he came out of his office and found you standing by your things. You couldn’t help but notice the pained look on his face.

“Leaving already?” His voice was soft, not as booming as it usually is. You searched his face for more but found nothing.

“Yeah I should get back, I still need to pack before I leave to go home for Christmas.” Now it was your turn to see his face fall. _Had he forgotten already that you were leaving for a few days?_

“Right,” he said, “well I’ll make sure Elliot picks you all up and takes you to the jet. When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow. We wanted to have a few days before Christmas.” Whether he wanted it to be seen or not, he looked so sad. You wished he was coming with you so you could do all the fun Christmas things your hometown did during the week, even though he would probably hate every minute of it. You know he had said he had work but what would be the harm in asking again.

“You’re still welcome to join us,” you said, closing the distance between the two of you. 

You saw him consider it for a moment. Spending Christmas with you. A million scenarios playing throughout his mind at once. Thinking of a million ways it could go wrong or a million ways it could go _right_.

“No, it’s ok I’ll be working anyway.” Your heart sank. You knew he would say no but for the briefest moment, your hopes were high. You thought maybe, this time he would say yes.

“Ok well...well then Merry Christmas Kylo,” you said standing on your tiptoes to place a kiss on his cheek. Just as your lips left his cheek he turned towards you, capturing your lips in his own. You couldn’t even put into words how he made you feel. Unexpected kisses had to be the best kind. His lips were warm and inviting. Your tongue slipped in to graze his own, deepening the kiss. He tasted of a smokey bourbon and you knew he had been drinking. He often did that when he was stressed or had a lot on his mind.

When he broke away your forehead rested on his own as you took in steady breaths. You didn’t want to leave, you wanted to stay in this moment forever.

“Go,” he whispered. You weren’t sure if he said it because he knew you didn’t want to go or if he said it because if he didn’t, he’d hold you there forever and you'd never leave. You took one last look at him before grabbing your things and walking out his door. You knew you’d see him soon and that leaving him wasn’t permanent but he had become like a drug to you. You were so addicted to him, to his touch, to the way he made you _feel_. It was hard to give him up even for a moment. 

Elliot brought you back to your apartment. Suddenly the place you had called home for years didn’t feel like home anymore. It was dark, cold, and missing _him_. You had told Poe, Finn, and Rey to just stay over at the apartment since you would be leaving early the next day. Plus you figured having more people in your apartment would somehow put your mind at ease if anyone tried to break in again.

“Ok everyone,” you started, “I have some news.” Everyone stopped what they were doing immediately to look at you.

“So we won’t be driving tomorrow.” As the words left your mouth, you knew they had no idea where you were going with this.

“What do you mean we’re not driving?” Poe said, “how else do you expect us to get there.”

“Well...Kylo is lending us his jet.” Every single mouth in the room dropped. You couldn’t blame them. You had the same reaction when you found out.

“Oh, he’s just casually lending us his JET!” Rey couldn’t help but share her disbelief and excitement.

“I can’t believe I’m going to be flying in Kylo Ren’s private jet!” Finn was stunned, it was like Kylo was really famous to him or something.

“Hey now,” Poe said, taking Finn’s hand in his own. Finn just laughed at the hint of jealousy in his tone.

“Elliot, er- Kylo’s driver will be here to pick us up in the morning so we better get some sleep.”

With that, everyone turned in for the night. It felt strange being back in your own bed. You weren’t comforted by those silky-smooth sheets, the warmth of another laying beside you, or those pillows that made you feel like you were sleeping on a cloud. You wondered if he was missing your familiar warmth as he laid in bed that night.

-

-

-

The flight went ok. You still didn’t like the sensations of taking off and landing felt and this time, no one’s hand was there to grip as you shut your eyes. It felt odd being on his jet, with the people he employs, without him. You texted Kylo once you were settled into the Uber you had ordered to take you to your childhood home.

**_Landed. Thank you again for letting us fly in your jet._ **

You figured he wouldn’t respond so you stuffed your phone back in your pocket and prepared yourself to see your mom after so long. She had always been incredible and you never took for granted how lucky you were to have her. But, what mom doesn’t get on their kid’s nerves on occasion. You knew she’d have a million questions before you even stepped foot in the house. You had really missed her though.

When the car pulled up to the familiar brick home that housed so many memories from your youth, you couldn’t help but smile. It did feel good to be out of the city for once. 

Your mom was expecting you so she was already waiting by the door. She enveloped each one of you into her famous bear hugs making everyone feel welcome. 

It was weird putting your stuff in your old bedroom. It felt like a different person had lived there. You’ve grown so much since getting out of your hometown. Being able to do your own things and make your own decisions, helped you understand yourself better. Your mom’s loud laughter pulled you out of the nostalgia of your room.

She was already ready to go to your town's wishing tree event as she shared a laugh with Finn. Each year everyone would gather in the town square and tie their wishes to the tree in anticipation that the coming holidays’ magic would grant their wish. When you were younger it was your favorite event but as you got older you understood that it was just a silly tradition. After all, none of your wishes ever came true.

Finn and Rey were both excited to go to the event. You and Poe had done it so many times there wasn’t any real excitement anymore. But your mom, even after all these years, after everything that had happened, she still looked forward to it. She still hoped.

The night air was cold as you walked toward the square. You could already see the crowds forming around the tall, bright, tree. You couldn’t help but be shocked that there were this many people who came to the event. You remembered when you were younger, you met a couple from Europe who had heard about your town’s wishing tree and came to make a wish. To them, it was their last hope for whatever they were wishing for. You had hoped that whatever it was, it came true for them.

You all found a spot as the small opening ceremony began. The speaker gave the history of the wishing tree. When and how it started, the process and the legend that is supposed to make everyone believe their wish will come true. A few Christmas carols were sung and then everyone spread out to the different stations, set up with paper and pens. Your mom was quick to write down her wish and tie it to the tree. You weren’t exactly sure what she wished for but you had a good idea, and you knew it was the same every year.

Poe and Finn were both tying theirs to the tree close to one another and Rey had tied hers as well. You were the last one and you hadn’t even written anything yet. You didn’t know if it was even worth it to wish for something real, it wasn’t like it would come true. You debated wishing for a new pair of shoes, or the iPad you’d been dying to buy yourself for the past few years. But you couldn’t deny that you longed for something deeper in your life. Something more than just material goods. You wanted to wish for that one thing. The thing that terrified you but the thing you so desperately wanted. So you wrote it down without a second thought, folded it, hole-punched it, and tied the red ribbon through the hole and onto the tree branch.

The rest of the evening was spent cozied up by the fire with your mom’s homemade hot chocolate and Christmas movies playing on a loop. It felt good to be home and to be spending this time with the ones you loved. You just felt it was missing something. Or someone. 

Kylo.

-

-

-

When Christmas day came you were shocked at how quickly the previous days flew by. You all were so busy doing different activities and baking more cookies than needed, you couldn't keep up with the days. You had texted Kylo in the morning wishing him a cheery Merry Christmas. You had wanted to call but figured you shouldn’t because you didn’t want to interrupt him if he was working. He hadn’t texted you back but you didn’t mind. You figured he was busy and he really wasn’t good with responding to texts in general.

You had all exchanged gifts in the morning in your comfortable pajamas. Your mom started crying at the number of gifts she received saying how much she “didn’t need all this, you kids are too much.” Once all the gifts were opened, you sat down to watch _It’s A Wonderful Life_. It was your dad’s favorite movie and he had insisted on watching it Christmas morning every year. 

The holidays were always the hardest without him. Doing all his favorite things in memory of him never felt like what they did when he was here. You know your mom felt it too but she was tough. She always put a smile on her face because she knew if she didn’t we would all be a mess. 

Once the movie was over you got to cooking. There was snow in the forecast for the day and you kept glancing out the window in hopes to see a ballet of white snowflakes falling from the sky. 

There was so much food when you were finished and you were starving. You all sat down for dinner and you didn’t realize how much you had missed your mom’s cooking. You had eaten everything so fast that sitting at the dining table was getting to be too much. You had to get up and walk around. 

So, you grabbed your coat and headed out towards the small creek behind your house that you and your dad often walked down, to take pictures. The memories of the two of you flooded back into your head and this time you couldn’t help the tears from falling. You tried to stop but every memory you thought of brought their own flood. It wasn’t until you felt your phone buzzing in your pocket that you managed to stop.

Your eyes were blurred with tears. It was hard to see who was calling so you just answered it anyway.

“Hello,” you started, hearing how clogged your voice sounded from crying.

“Hi.” You almost dropped your phone when you heard his familiar voice. You weren’t expecting him to call.

“Kylo?” You had to make sure it _was_ him. That you weren’t dreaming. Your excitement made you smile and caused you to sniffle which, of course, he noticed.

“Are you ok?” It was a stern question and you could just tell by his tone that he was concerned. Whether he liked to admit it or not, he was very possessive and protective of you and you knew he didn’t like it when you even sounded hurt.

“Yes, I’m fine...Merry Christmas!” You said hoping to change the subject. There was a long pause. You weren’t sure if he was trying to put the thought of you crying out of his mind or if he just really didn’t like being wished a Merry Christmas.

“Same to you,” he said finally. “Christmas is actually the reason I’m calling.”

You weren’t sure if you should be happy or terrified. “Oh?” you responded, wanting him to go on.

“I found the gift you left me.” You waited thinking he would continue but when he didn’t you got nervous that you might have overstepped or that he hated it.

“Oh that. Yeah, it was just something small. I saw it and it reminded me of Vermont. I just wanted you to have something to open on Christmas.” The words came out in a jittery jumble and you couldn’t gauge how he was feeling about it over the phone. 

You had been shopping for Rey’s gift when you stumbled upon a small moon keychain. You had bought it and wrapped it in a small box. You knew it wasn’t really anything but you had wanted to do something for him and you hoped it might mean something to him. 

“No, I wanted to thank you. It was,” he paused, “it was very thoughtful of you, you didn’t have to.”

“Oh, it really is nothing.”

Silence.

“Are you _sure_ you’re ok?” He asked again. You knew he wasn’t going to let your crying go unnoticed.

“Yes, just memories flooding back from being home.”

“Oh,” he sounded uncertain on how to go on. “I’m...I’m sorry.”

“It’s ok,” you tried to make sure he knew that it really was. “How is your Christmas?” You didn’t know it but your need to hear his voice, made you want to keep him on the phone.

“Busy.” No matter how much you wanted him to stay on the line you knew your conversation had to come to an end.

“Well then, I’ll let you get back to it. Merry Christmas Kylo. I’ll see you soon.” The sadness in your voice couldn’t be hidden.

“Merry Christmas,” he said before hanging up the phone. 

You hadn’t noticed how cold your fingers and nose had gotten from standing in the cold but more importantly you hadn’t noticed it had started to snow. The flakes were large and beginning to come down in loads. The grass was no longer green but white. You wondered if Kylo was looking at the same snowfall. If something as simple as snow could still connect you even if you were miles away.

You quickly made your way back into the warmth of your home where you were greeted with laughter and the smell of freshly baked pie. It was that moment that you felt it. You felt that your dad was there with you. You felt happy to be home for Christmas.

-

-

-

You said goodbye to your mom and though it was just as hard as always, you knew you needed to get back to the city. 

Elliot was there waiting for all of you after the plane landed. He took Finn and Rey home and then finally pulled up to your apartment building. Poe jumped out but before you could follow Elliot handed you an envelope.

“From Mr. Ren miss.” You smiled at him and thanked him, taking the envelope in your hands.

As you reached your door you noticed there was no key lock. It had been replaced by a digital system with a keypad. For a second you thought you might be at the wrong apartment but then you remembered Kylo had told you he would install a security system so you could continue staying at your apartment. That thought hit you hard as you rationalized the idea of him not wanting you to stay with him.

Poe’s confused voice brought you out from those thoughts. “So how are we supposed to get in, we don’t have a code.” You remembered the envelope and pulled it from your pocket. You broke the seal and pulled out the note.

**_1101_ **

**_-Kylo_ **

Your eyes welled up realizing the code was the date of your night in Vermont. That night _had_ meant something to him too. You didn’t have much time to dwell on that as Poe was budging you to open the door so he could get his suitcase in. You entered the code and the pad made a beeping sound as you turned the knob. The door opened and everything seemed just as you left it. Only now you noticed there was a small camera facing the door and an alarm system that had been set up.

Both you and Poe were exhausted from a busy and hectic few days and headed to your rooms to get some rest. As you opened your door, your excitement easily made your drowsiness disappear. There were several boxes stacked on your bed with a note sitting on top. You were in complete shock. You had to open the letter first to find out what this was all about. You pulled out the note and saw the familiar handwriting, you weren’t surprised.

**_Please keep them this time._ **

**_Merry Christmas._ **

**_-Kylo_ **

Keep them? What on earth did he mean by that.

You began opening the boxes, an iPhone, jewelry, clothes... all the gifts he had sent you when he was trying to “win you back.” You had sent them all back but you figured he had just returned them. You couldn’t believe he had kept them all and you couldn’t accept them all. You pulled out your phone to text him.

**All these gifts? I can’t accept them all, please**

He answered quickly.

**You can and you will. That’s final.**

A smile crossed your face. You loved it when he was stern. But suddenly you felt awful. You only got him a small keychain and he has given you all these expensive gifts.

**But all I got you was a keychain. I feel so awful**

Read.

**It was perfect. I expect to see that necklace around that pretty little neck of yours the next time I see you.**

Your face blushed. That was somewhat unlike him. He had never sent you anything like that over a text before but you felt obligated to answer. But you were going to have some fun too.

**Yes sir.**

You moved all your boxes off your bed and climbed in. You having those gifts was important to him. The first time he had sent them it wasn't right but he still wanted you to have them. It meant a lot to you that he put thought into those gifts. You had been in need of a new iPhone. Even though you never said anything or complained about your cracked screen, he saw it. He was good at noticing things and you loved that about him. 

This was the first night you were actually excited to wake up in the morning. Like truly excited. You would go to work and then you would see Kylo. You couldn’t help it anymore. You loved spending time with him. You loved seeing him. Hearing his voice. 

You loved... _him_ , all of him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! Hope you enjoy this holiday chapter and that it's not too boring for you. Just a heads up next chapter is going to be a lot so keep an eye out and make sure you read it when you are ready. I'm not sure when it will be up. With Christmas coming up I'm not sure how much time I'll have to write but I will try to keep you updated and get the next chapter up as quick as I can. Thank you all for being so wonderful and for your lovely comments! I enjoy them so, so much! As always feel free to comment on what you like or are excited for and DM on twitter @adamdsolo with any questions or concerns. ily, xo Laur


	16. Tied Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: this chapter is a lot my friends so please read when your mind is ready. Some warnings for this chapter because things get intense: bondage, dom/sub, degradation, daddy kink, hitting, basically BDSM ig.

Kylo had asked to spend New Year’s Eve with you. You, of course, couldn’t refuse and were ecstatic that he wanted to spend this holiday with you. You never really looked forward to New Year’s even when you were with Dak. You’d go to party’s but it never felt like you thought it should. For you, New Year’s seemed more fun when you stayed home alone. But now, with Kylo, you felt like you’d enjoy it this year.

Your heart was giddy as you knocked on the door of his penthouse. You both planned on staying in but you still wanted to dress up like you would if you were going out to a party. You knew Kylo would appreciate it too. And you made sure to wear the necklace he’d gifted you. But _you_ were surprised when he answered the door and saw him, standing tall, in a tuxedo and bowtie. He studied you as you studied him. You knew he liked what he saw just by the quickening of his breath and the lust in his eyes. His eyes burned into your chest as his eyes rested on the necklace. You smirked at him.

“You look very dapper,” you said, making your way through the door. You stopped in your tracks as you saw the place was dark. And then it clicked.

“Wait, are you going somewhere? Should I- should I leave?” You turned around to find his eyes still on you in a trance. You waited until he broke from it.

After a matter of seconds, he responded. “No. No, I- I failed to remember I have to make an appearance at my office New Year’s party.”

He saw your face fall as you thought his words meant he would have to cancel your plans.

“Join me?” A pause.

“Please,” he said, extending his hand to you.

Your eyes lit up and your mouth turned up into a bright smile. He gestured his head towards the door as you took his hand. He led you out to his car and you settled in preparing for the drive to his office. It was a quiet ride. You noticed that Kylo rarely ever listened to music and you already knew he wasn’t much of a talker. You stole glances at him throughout the drive and he must have noticed because eventually, his hand came to rest on your thigh. His fingers grazed your bare skin at the slit of your dress and your heart stopped.

You could feel the eagerness of his touch. He could feel the heat from your skin. You turned your face towards the window so he would not see you blushing.

“You look stunning tonight.” His words almost shocked you to death. His compliments were few and far between but when he gave them, they hit like bricks.

You looked at him. This time not concealing the heat that stained your cheeks or the lust that filled your own eyes. He returned that same look but only for a moment as his eyes were then focused on the road ahead.

When you arrived at the building, you suddenly realized how nervous you were. Kylo was the CEO of his own company. All these people work _for_ him and you don’t know a single one. You suddenly became unsure of what you would do if Kylo wasn’t by your side the whole night.

The elevator dinged open and your ears were flooded with music and sounds of conversation. As Kylo’s presence was noticed though, the room instantly became quieter. It was no secret that most people were intimidated by him. Hell, you were still intimidated by him.

You watched from his side as he mingled effortlessly with his employees. How he took the time to look them in the eye when each of them spoke. He introduced you to everyone with such ease, carefully avoiding any labels, or mentioning what you were to him. You slowly started to feel more comfortable even though you were clearly overdressed. Everyone seemed to be dressed casually while you stood out like a sore thumb in your sleek, black, one-shoulder, floor-length dress. It hugged your curves perfectly, though the spanx holding in your tummy was starting to get uncomfortable. You felt beautiful though, for once, and a large part of that had to do with Kylo’s compliment.

You were lost in thought when Kylo tugged on your arm. “I must speak with Mr. Rockefeller. Will you be alright on your own?”

“Oh yes! Go,” you said motioning him off. You made your way over to the bar to keep yourself occupied with a drink. Unfortunately, a woman alone at the bar seems to attract every man like a magnet. So many came up to you offering conversation but you did your best to shrug them off. It amazed you how bold they were when they knew you were here with their boss.

You didn’t see it but Kylo kept his eyes on you the whole time. Jealousy bubbled inside him just watching other people trying to take your attention, to sneak a touch, but he knew it was best not to act unless things got out of hand. He knew you could take care of yourself.

When you finally had a moment alone to sip on your drink you heard a familiar voice come up from behind you.

“You’re still with him?” It was the receptionist who had “warned” you about Kylo.

She looked you over, inspecting every inch of you with judgment in her eyes.

“I’m sorry?” You said in disbelief that she actually was asking you this question.

“I’m just surprised is all. I didn’t think you’d stick around.”

_She didn’t think I’d stick around?_ You thought to yourself. The intentions you thought she had when she first talked to you were now becoming clearer. It was like she was trying to separate the two of you or something.

“Ah, I see now. You only told me those things so that I would leave. You...you want him for yourself.” The words came out of your mouth as your mind finally realized and understood her original intent.

She scoffed at your words as if _you_ offended _her_ somehow.

“You’ll never be enough for him, I mean just look at you,” she said with a devilish grin, “Why do you think he’ll stay with you when he has access to women like me. To women who fall at his feet and do anything he asks. You’re nothing. You’re a worthless new toy that he _will_ grow tired of.”

You didn’t want those words to hurt you. You didn’t want her to see that she got to you. But it did hurt and you were just too insecure for them not to.

The tears started falling and you were more afraid of staying and letting everyone see than making an abrupt exit. You practically ran out of the room and to the elevator. You didn’t know where you’d go but you couldn’t stay there any longer. The doors were just about to shut when a large hand slipped through the crack. Immediately after seeing it, you knew whose it was. The doors reopened and Kylo stood before you.

Your hands covered your face as the tears couldn’t stop falling. He entered the elevator, let the doors close, and pulled the emergency stop. There was nowhere for you to run now. You had to face him.

“What happened.” He spoke first as you detected a hint of worry in his tone. Your hands moved away from your face so you could speak.

“It was really nothing,” you said, “I’m just overreacting.” You tried to stop the tears taking in a deep breath.

“What. Happened.” He repeated his words slower as he moved closer to you.

“It’s nothing Kylo, just something the receptionist said that’s all.”

“What did she say, _tell me_.” His voice raised and you could tell the anger was boiling inside him.

As you recalled her words the tears in your eyes only fell more rapidly. Kylo didn’t know what to do until you told him what was wrong.

“She just said that she was surprised I was still around. That you will soon get tired of me and go back to women like her because what would you want with someone who looks like me? I’m worthless. I’m nothing.”

Your face fell into your hands again as it took all your strength not to let your sobs break from your throat.

“You might be nothing to them. But not to me.” Your eyes met his, at his words. They might not have been the most romantic but they meant everything to you. To know that in his eyes you weren’t nothing. You were _something_. The air between you became thinner, the space around you, hotter. And before any more words were spoken Kylo took one step forward and his mouth was on yours.

His arms wrapped around your waist and pulled you into him, bodies up against each other. His hand traveled to your ass, squeezing and massaging the skin through the fabric of your dress.

“You feel so good,” he said as his hand moved to the slit of your dress. He traveled up your inner thigh until he was grazing your clothed, wet, cunt with his thumb. Your breath hitched and your body jolted into him as he flicked at your clit.

“I want to feel you come on my fingers,” he said pushing your panties aside and sliding his fingers through your already slick folds. Without warning, he plunged two fingers into you and you whimpered with pleasure.

In the silence of the moment, you heard the crowds outside the elevator begin the countdown to the new year.

“10!”

Kylo was working wonders with his mouth all over your neck making you burn with desire. Your head fell back to rest on the wall.

“9!”

His fingers began curling inside you hitting that sweet spot that made you go weak. Then he added a third finger.

“8!”

You held onto his neck, your hands scratching his scalp and pulling his soft hair. He was giving you all the pleasure, you wished you could do something for him.

“7!”

You moved your head from the wall to place kisses behind his ear. Your mouth wrapped around his ear lobe and you tugged lightly with your teeth eliciting a moan from his lips.

“6!”

His fingers continued pumping inside you only now at a faster pace. Your legs were weak and you felt it hard to stand.

“5!”

“Fuck you look so perfect letting me fuck you with my fingers.” You couldn’t see it but you knew his cock was straining beneath his pants.

“4!”

His thumb started rubbing fast circles on your clit and you just couldn’t stop moaning from the pleasure ripping through you.

“3!”

“Fuck Kylo I’m gonna- I’m gonna-”

“2!”

“Come baby girl. Come all over my fingers like the good girl you are.”

“1!”

Your body couldn’t hold on any longer and you shut your eyes as the pure, white, heat took over. Your orgasm made your whole body tingle and you were too weak to hold yourself up anymore. Your body collapsed into Kylo as he held you against him.

“Happy New Year,” you said, barely being able to breathe.

He grabbed your chin between his thumb and index finger bringing your lips to his own.

“Happy New Year.” He brought you in close for a searing kiss that would remain on your lips forever, like an iron brand.

-

-

-

You thought you’d surprise Kylo with dinner. Ever since you entered the new year, work for him had been stressful. You hardly saw each other because of how busy he was. You missed him and wanted to do something special that might relax him for the evening. You heard the door slam as Kylo entered his home. He didn’t know you would be here so he stopped like a deer caught in headlights when he saw you beside the table with your prepared meal.

“I’m sorry if this was a bad idea but I wanted to surprise you,” you said softly, almost regretting your decision. He was clearly on edge. Something happened that set him off and he was still worked up about it.

“Just a stressful day at work is all,” said sitting down to eat. He seemed to enjoy his meal but his mind was elsewhere. He hadn’t spoken and he had devoured his meal like an animal.

“Is there anything I can do? To help?” You had directed all your attention to him as he typed vigorously on his phone across from you.

“No.” He responded plainly.

“Is there something you usually do to...to um de-stress?”

“Usually I’d go for a run or go make a visit to-” he trailed off as his eyes finally came off the screen of his phone and met yours. Guilt covered his face. He didn’t need to go on. You knew exactly where that sentence was heading. You couldn’t blame him or be upset with him for the things he’d done in the past to take his mind off things. But, it still stung and you still wondered if he went there when he was tired of you.

He must have seen those thoughts racing through your mind as he quickly tried to remedy the heaviness of his words.

“I don’t- I don’t do that anymore though...it never helped anyway.”

You weren’t sure what came over you but you wanted to prove yourself. “Would it help if you- if you used me? If you...took the stress out on me?”

What you were offering might have seemed crazy to any person but you wanted so desperately to help him. If he needed to release his stress by finding pleasure then you wanted to make that happen for him. You knew he would never hurt you. If he did he’d never forgive himself.

“No. No, I couldn’t-” You cut him off by rising from your chair and heading towards the stairs. Once there you turned around to see him still sitting in his chair, looking at you, trying to determine what his next move should be. You continued up and into the bedroom where you sat on the edge of the bed and waited.

Minutes passed and you thought he might not come up. You thought that maybe he really didn’t want to do this. Maybe you weren’t enough.

But then, the door creaked open and you saw him, eyes low, dark... animalistic and in his hands, a box. He made his way towards you and opened the box so you could see. You couldn’t help the gasp that left your mouth when you saw what was inside.

He started to retreat after seeing your reaction but you grabbed his wrist, forcing him to stay, and letting him know it was ok.

“You’ll need to pick a safe word.” He said when he realized your consent.

You had to admit you were slightly unsure about this but your excitement far outweighed your nervousness. You’d never done anything like this before so everything was kind of new.

“Red is common,” he said understanding your uncertainty.

“Red it is then,” you smiled at him as you both came to an understanding.

“Take everything off and lay on your back,” he said, motioning towards the bed and moving to place the box on the nightstand. He took out the ropes as you stripped down to nothing.

Ropes. That wasn’t new.

He circled the bed as you laid down completely bare and exposed to him. He started with your arms, caressing them from the shoulder down to your wrists where he tied the rope tight. Then he moved to your legs, caressing your inner thighs, making you squirm with desperation until he reached your ankles where he tied the rope tight. All four of your limbs were restrained, tied to the bedposts, and you had no way of moving.

He removed his shirt but kept on his black sweatpants that were already constricting his hardening cock. He returned to his box pulling out the rest of his items and laying them all in a row. He pointed to the ball gag that was there and said, “This will be used if necessary. Do you think you can stay quiet for me, kitten?”

You nodded your head fully knowing that it would be on you in a matter of minutes.

He took the blindfold in his hand and kneeled down on the bed beside you. He placed it over your eyes and lifted your head to tie it in the back.

Everything was pitch dark now. All that was left for you was to hear. To _feel_. You twitched at the first feeling of contact. The leather tassels of the whip traveled all over your body from your breasts to where you felt the deepest need, your heated core.

“Remember your safe word,” was all he said before... _snap!_ He hit your inner thigh, certainly leaving a mark, but then replacing the hurt with goosebumps as he continued moving the tassels lightly over the spot he hit and the rest of your body. The uncertainty of not seeing where he would hit next only turned you on more. He continued his whips on your breasts, your thighs, your cunt, and you could feel the wetness trailing down your thighs after each one. Your body was burning, stinging from the hits. You knew you were covered in red but it felt so good. You knew he was pleased, you couldn’t stop now.

With the next hit, you couldn’t stop the loud cry that came from your mouth. You could sense him stop and look at you even though you could not see him.

“Looks like we need the gag after all.” You heard his soft footsteps as he picked up his toy from the stand. The bed beside you dipped as he kneeled hovering over you.

“Up,” he said and you lifted your head. He placed the ball between your teeth and buckled the strap behind your head.

“Now, stay quiet,” he said, placing a hit right on your breast. Your body squirmed at the pain as your hands held tight to the ropes that restrained you from moving.

Moments passed and you were given nothing.

Then, you heard the sound before you felt the vibrator on your skin. He saw your body react to the noise.

“Such a fucking slut. So needy just from one sound. I haven’t even touched you yet and you’re ready to beg for it.”

He placed the vibrator on your tit. The vibrations sent shock waves throughout your body as he watched your nipple harden from the toy. Your hips couldn’t stay still as you were desperate for any kind of friction between your legs. He moved onto your other tit doing the same thing and your whimpers were flying from your throat.

A hard slap came to your cheek, “I said quiet whore.”

Your breath was heavy and you tried to take in deep breaths in an attempt to calm down but the pleasure wouldn’t stop, couldn’t stop your body from reacting with need.

Once he was satisfied he trailed the vibrator down your cleavage, over your stomach, and right above your heat. Your hips bucked just at the closeness.

“Such a needy little slut. You’re mine kitten, and I can do whatever I want with you.”

He placed the vibrator right on your clit and you couldn’t help but scream from your throat as you finally had things where you wanted them. A strong hand came to your throat applying pressure. Just enough to make you have to breathe through your nose and bite down hard on the ball between your teeth. You could feel your saliva breaking from your mouth and falling onto your cheeks.

You used all the force you could to give yourself more friction but just as you were about to burst, Kylo turned the vibrator off.

“Only good girls get to come,” he said, releasing his hand from your throat to free his throbbing cock from his pants. He looked at you. You looked so perfect, wet, red, slobbering, and squirming with desire.

“Stay still. If you do that, maybe I’ll let you beg for it.”

He pumped his cock in his hand a few times before tracing his fingers through your folds, gathering your slick, and coating his cock with it. Your hips bucked when his finger grazed your clit. You could hear him pumping, pumping, pumping his cock into his hand covered in your wetness. It wasn’t long until you felt the warm, sticky mixture of his load, land over your body as he came all over you.

“Fuck!” He yelled out as he released himself. “I bet you want me inside you now huh kitten?” You heard the noise of the vibrator once again as he placed it back in your clit.

“Not yet my sweet girl. For every time you move, you don’t get to come.” His voice was dark and deep. You knew he loved this kind of control and you knew you wouldn’t be able to not move, especially when he was making you feel this way.

You couldn’t help yourself from squirming every time you felt close which only meant the denial of pleasure for you.

“Do you want to use your word?” He said softly, almost making you forget the situation you were in.

You shook your head no. You knew you could do it. You gripped the rope tight until your hands were white. This time you wouldn’t move.

He placed the vibrator back on your clit and you bit down on the ball trying to remain as still as possible. It didn’t take long for the heat in your body to rise as you felt your orgasm coming on. You were a matter of seconds away from that sweet, sweet release when Kylo turned the vibrator off. You hadn’t moved. You did as he asked. _What was he doing?_ The bed dipped beside you as he lifted your head and removed the blindfold and gag.

“I want to feel you come on my cock. And I want you to beg for it.”

He returned between your legs and aligned himself up with your entrance. He thrust into you quickly and easily, hitting your overstimulated clit in the process which made you whine.

He found his pace and was trusting into you hard knowing that you were already about to find your release.

“Fuck you’re such a good little slut for me. My good slut. Are you ready to beg for it kitten?”

Your eyes had been shut but flew open at his words. “Oh please daddy, fuck- you’re so good, please let me come!” Your begs were a mess of words as you were just so desperate for release.

“More,” he said between breaths as he continued his thrusts.

“OH PLEASE! Please, daddy, fuck me, let me come!”

“More.”

“Gods Kylo!” You couldn’t hide your annoyance but you knew you were close and you knew you needed permission. “Please let me come daddy, please!”

He reached his hand to pick up the vibrator and placed it, once again, on your clit. Your body filled with heat, your eyes shut tight enough for you to see stars as your back arched and your whole body shook from your powerful orgasm. Finally, your mind thought.

Kylo continued his hard thrusts as you came clenching around him. He kept the vibrator there and you knew you weren’t done yet.

“You’re going to come again,” he said, pushing the vibrator into your clit harder.

You screamed as tears fell from your eyes. He was thrusting into you, hitting your sweet spot, and the vibrations through your bundle of nerves made that heat inside you build quickly again.

“Kylo I’m going to come again please!” He kept his pace and watched you as your eyes shut and your toes curled.

“Then come.”

Your body buzzed with pleasure as your second orgasm hit you. Your breath was heavy, your body tired, and your hands were finally able to relax from clenching the ropes that held you in place. Kylo was close now too as he helped you come down from your high with his continued thrusts.

“Fuck kitten! You feel so good.” You felt his cock twitch inside you as he coated your walls in his release. You clenched around him, milking him of everything he had. He pulled out almost instantly as his load spilled out of you and onto the mattress.

He was quick to untie your hands and feet as he sat on the side of the bed collecting himself and his things. You scurried off to the bathroom to clean yourself up and returned to new bedsheets and a guilt and shameful ridden Kylo.

You found your undergarments and put them on. You grabbed a sweater from Kylo’s dresser and placed it over you. You made your way over to him and placed your hands on his bare shoulders. 

“Hey,” you said softly.

“Are you...are you ok?” He said, not meeting your eyes.

“Of course I’m ok,” you said as your palm cupped the side of his face to turn him towards you.

His eyes were sad. Once filled with a devilish lust, they now seemed glassed over in agony.

“Come,” you said, patting the bed as you climbed in under the covers.

You knew he had no intention of staying with you in bed. Not after what he’d done. But _your_ demand made him question those intentions.

You laid there staring at his back as he sat and had conversations with his mind. Finally, he moved. He turned towards you and you gave him a small smile as you patted the bed once again. He lifted the covers and shuffled in facing you.

You scooted into him resting your head on his chest. You laid there like that, listening to the steady sound of his heartbeat, for what seemed like an eternity. You didn’t want to close your eyes and be rid of the moment.

Kylo’s voice almost startled you when he spoke.

“I have to leave for Singapore in a few days for work.”

He paused noticing how your frame against him went still.

“I want you to come with me.” At his words, your hands pressed to his chest to lift you so you were eye level with him.

He couldn’t help but smile at the sight of your face. A full smile. And your heart soared. His toothy grin and dimples made you want to melt and you couldn’t restrain yourself from kissing him.

His hands wrapped around you as he kissed you back, deeply and passionately. He tasted wonderful, you couldn’t get enough, but you had to pull away to give him your answer.

“Are you sure? Me?” You knew you shouldn’t be confused as to why he wanted you to go but you were anyway.

“Yes, you. You’re my girl.”

The tears welled in your eyes and you tucked yourself back into his chest so he wouldn’t see.

“I would love to. I’m so excited,” you paused, “I’m so happy,” you whispered. Whether he heard it or not, you truly were. For the first time in your life, you felt happy to be with someone, to love someone. So much so, that you wanted to tell everyone you knew.

You wanted to tell _him_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday and have a happy new year. This chapter was a lot but I hoped you enjoyed it all the same! Thanks again for reading and for your comments! I'm so grateful! xo, Laur


	17. Singapore

Packing was always a difficult task for you mainly because you were an over-packer. You never knew how much of something you should bring or what you should bring since weather and plans can change easily without warning.

So you packed. A lot. And you did it vigorously because you waited until the last minute. You heard your buzzer go off signaling Elliot’s arrival. He was to take you to Kylo’s before he drove you both to the jet together. You ran through your apartment to your buzzer.

“I’ll be right down! Give me a few more minutes.”

“Of course, miss,” he responded and you hurried back into your room to finish as quickly as you could. Once you were satisfied enough you zipped up your suitcase, hugged Poe goodbye, and met Elliot by the car.

Kylo had said your trip to Singapore would only last a few days but you were still anxious about going to a completely new place. And this was going to be a much longer flight than you were used to. You were nervous, to put it lightly, but as Elliot drove to Kylo’s, you felt a calm feeling wash over you. Though there were many anxieties about the trip, you knew who you were going with. You knew Kylo’s presence alone would make you feel better.

So when you walked into his penthouse your smile was big and wide, excited to start this adventure with him. He, however, was on the phone and didn’t return your same enthusiasm.

“No, I told you the deadline was today. How much clearer did I need to be?” His tone was raised and he was on the verge of shouting as he paced back and forth.

He paused to listen to whoever was on the other end of the phone.

“Well we need to get it done, it needs to be out today!” He yelled through the tiny phone that looked so much smaller in his large hands.

Another pause listening to the other end. You were beginning to wonder if you’d even get to Singapore.

“Fine,” he huffed as he hung up his phone.

“Sorry about that,” he said walking towards you as you pushed up on your tippy-toes for a kiss. He gave you a light peck on the lips before speaking.

“I have to stop at the office before we go, things are a mess.”

“That’s ok,” you said, content that he would be getting this work frustration out before you left for your trip.

He grabbed his bags and motioned for you to head out the door so he could lock up. Elliot was waiting for you both, taking Kylo’s bags out of his hands so he could continue texting furiously on his phone.

“I need to stop at the office first Elliot.”

“Yes sir,” Elliot responded, packing his things and getting into the driver’s seat.

The drive to the office was quick and Kylo had been anxious to get there the whole ride. His job put a lot of stress on him but you knew he loved the thrill of it all.

“I’ll only be a few minutes,” he said stepping out of the car. You followed him and he looked at you slightly confused.

“You don’t have to come up.”

“No it’s ok, there’s someone I need to talk to,” you said, giving him a smirk of a smile which he immediately returned understanding what you needed to do.

You hadn’t had the chance to confront the receptionist after New Year’s Eve. Her words had stung but you weren’t going to let her really get to you. You were confident in your relationship with Kylo, you were confident in yourself. You weren’t going to let someone who is just clearly jealous get away with treating you like that.

As you walked out of the elevator doors Kylo was already walking ten steps ahead of you as he was determined to fix the problem he came in for. He didn’t look back or worry if you were following him because he knew you would be occupied.

You saw her sitting at the front desk. She was on the phone typing away and hadn’t even noticed you or Kylo’s arrival. You made your way to the tall desk, rested your elbows on the cool wood, and waited for her to notice. When she did she swiveled in her chair to greet you in the fakest way possible.

“Can I help you?” She said with a big smile and a cheery disposition.

Two can play at this game, you thought to yourself.

“Oh no honey,” you said with a smile that matched her own. “I just want to thank you... for the other night.”

“Thank me?” Her voice quieted and the confusion was plastered over her face.

“Yes of course! You helped me realize why Kylo picked me and continues to pick me, over women like you. You might fall at his feet and do anything he asks just for the chance at having sex with him but the simple thing is, I know him more than you ever will. He trusts me, lets me in. And whether he knows it or not, that’s the most important thing to him.”

She looked at you stunned and speechless. You were sure she was shocked at this newfound confidence that you knew you always had, but often was afraid to let out. She didn’t even have time to respond to you as you saw Kylo returning to your side. You turned around and made your way back to the elevator. As the doors closed you let out a deep breath.

“How’d it go?” He asked, staring straight ahead.

“Good,” you let out a small chuckle, “you?”

“Good,” he said just as the elevator doors opened. He placed his hand at the small of your back and led you out.

You arrived at the jet moments later and you were ready to get on, take off, and land. The flight was going to be long and you had been preparing yourself for that. You were just glad to have Kylo by your side. You already felt more at ease with him being there.

You walked into the familiar jet and took your seats. The stewardess came by to offer warm towels to you both and inform you that at some point during the flight she would ask if you wanted to retire to the bed. Because the flight to Singapore was so long you needed to sleep on the way.

As you settled into the bed, you were glad to be able to lay down. You figured though, you probably wouldn’t get much rest knowing you were sleeping thousands of miles up in the air. You tried to close your eyes and relax your body but you kept tossing and turning. Kylo had sensed your movements and propped himself up on his side of the bed to look at you.

“Are you okay?” he said, voice hoarse from sleep. You turned your head to look at him. His hair messy and matted from the way he was laying on it, his eyes heavy but looking directly at you with the same intensity.

“Yeah, I just can’t sleep.” You could see the hint of worry on his face which he was trying hard to suppress.

“Don’t worry, go back to sleep.”

You knew Kylo didn’t always sleep, or sleep well, so you didn’t want him to stay up just because of you. You turned yourself on your side facing away from him hoping maybe the change in position would help. Not long after, you felt the warmth and weight of Kylo’s arms wrap around you as he nuzzled his face into your neck.

“It’s ok, nothing is going to happen to you up here. I promise,” he whispered into your ear before softly taking your earlobe in his mouth. His embrace helped you relax into him and you felt your eyes begin to shut.

When you woke up, Kylo still had you wrapped in his arms. You just laid there feeling the weight of him on you and you couldn’t be more content. In his sleep he didn’t worry about that weight, he didn’t care that you bore it, he didn’t know that you were strong enough to endure it. You wished he would share that weight with you when he wasn’t sleeping.

You found his hand that was wrapped around you and pressed your thumb so you were tracing his veins. You felt his body softly jolt at the touch and he only pulled you into his body tighter. Whether he was aware of what he was doing or not, you loved every second of it.

“Kylo,” you whispered softly as you slowly began turning your body around to face him. He stirred at your movements but didn’t dare open his eyes. “I think we should be getting up hmm?”

Reluctantly his eyes opened, piercing at you and falling naturally to your lips. You moved to give him what he wanted in a passionate and searing kiss that only made you want to stay in bed forever. However, a small knock on the door pulled the two of you apart.

“Yes?” Kylo responded clearly annoyed he was interrupted.

“Sorry sir, I just wanted to let you know we will be making our descent soon.” The stewardess’s voice was soft and once she said her peace you could hear her footsteps taking her away.

Kylo let out a big sigh as he moved to get out of the bed. “Did you get any sleep?” He asked, moving to get dressed. You sat up in the bed and rested your back against the headboard as you watched him undress. Each of his movements was meticulous before he noticed you were watching.

“Are you going to answer my question?” He said with a smirk, knowing you forgot he even asked. 

“Oh, um, yeah I did actually. I think I’m starting to get used to this flying thing.” He looked at you with a small smile before grabbing his white button-down and covering his exposed skin. You let out a quiet whine which you knew he heard.

“So what are the plans then for today?” You knew he was here on business so you weren’t getting your hopes up to be spending time with him, but you were still curious.

“Once we get to the hotel, I’ll have to head to a meeting. The hotel has a tour guide if you’d like to do some exploring while I’m gone.”

“I’d much rather just walk around on my own.” You didn’t want to feel restricted when seeing the sights. Most of the time, the best things about new places aren’t on a guided tour.

“You’ve never been here before Princess, and you don’t speak the language. If you want to explore, you take the guide.”

Princess, that was a new one.

You pouted at him and he only gave you a coy smile in return. He was just trying to look out for you and you had to admit he did have a point. You were often awful with directions on foot. You’d probably forget how to find your way back to the hotel on your own anyway.

“Fine.” You got out of the comfort of the bed and found your clothes to change into. You were excited to be in a different place, you rarely got outside of New York, let alone the country. You were grateful to Kylo and ecstatic that he wanted to bring you along. You had to admit, you wouldn’t want to experience a new part of the world with anyone else.

Once you landed, there was a car waiting to take you to your hotel. It was a short drive. Too short for your liking because you couldn’t stop staring out the window of the car. The city was beautiful, you had never seen anything like it.

“It’s so beautiful,” you said not really to anyone. Kylo was typing furiously on his phone but stopped to look at you when he heard you speak.

“Yeah it really is,” he said, but you were too busy looking out the window afraid you might miss something, to look back at him.

The driver pulled up to the hotel and just like the rest of the city, it was breathtaking just from the outside. You stepped out of the car and you felt like royalty. The building was tall with a pyramid shape of protruding windows in the center. You couldn’t help your mouth from falling open and from starring. It took Kylo’s hand at your back to shake you from your gaze. He led you into the hotel as he checked in with the front desk.

Soon Kylo returned to your side saying that your room was ready. You rode the elevator up to your floor with such excitement. You couldn’t even imagine what the rooms would look like.

As Kylo opened the door to your room and your eyes went wide. You’d never seen a more beautiful, perfect, cozy room. Your luggage had already been brought up and was sitting inside the living space. The room was huge with a sofa, several sitting chairs, and TV with the most beautiful view of the marina.

You continued walking through the room to discover the bedroom which had a huge bed along with a walk-in closet and TV. Kylo hadn’t even cared to look around probably because he’d already spent time in a suite like this while he was here in the past.

You continued walking and found yourself in the massive bathroom with a huge glass door shower. But what really caught your eye was the large jacuzzi that you were already dying to get in.

You walked out, finding Kylo. “This place is amazing Kylo!” He was still glued to his phone, frantically typing. You walked over joining him at his side. He felt your presence and spoke. “I’m glad you like it. I’ve got to head in,” he said putting his phone in his pocket and facing you. “Feel free to go explore, the tour guide is downstairs for you.” He dug in his pocket pulling out his credit card. “If you need anything. Anything at all. Use it.” He pecked your cheek and headed out the door.

You went to your suitcase to grab a new outfit out to go exploring. You grabbed your extra key card and headed out of the room.

When you reached the lobby you headed for the front desk inquiring about the tour guide. They recognized your name and told you to wait a few minutes.

And you didn’t have to wait long before a short, young woman approached you.

“Hi!” You said as she greeted you. You were already so excited to get started you just hoped it wouldn’t be too strict of a tour.

“Mr. Ren told me personally, to give you the best tour. In my mind, that means showing you the best things our city has to offer even if some things might be a little un-traditional for a tour.” She had the biggest smile and you immediately had a feeling this tour would be exactly what you needed to see beautiful Singapore.

“Sounds perfect!” And it did.

She took you all over, your camera roll in your phone gradually beginning to fill up because you couldn’t stop taking pictures. You thought about sending some to Kylo, a selfie perhaps, but you decided against it. You knew he was busy and you didn’t want to put him in a mood. So you sent them to Rey and Poe instead, keeping them updated on your travels.

Towards the end, your tour guide took you to a market. You were overwhelmed with the smells and aromas from the area. There were food stands, clothing stands, souvenir stands, and it was busy with people. It was wonderful. You decided to pick up some souvenirs for Rey and Poe because they would hate you if you didn’t. You also couldn’t help yourself from trying some of the delicious food. Your tour guide recommended some of her favorites and you’d never tasted anything more delicious.

You were completely in awe of the culture and felt incredibly grateful to be able to experience it firsthand.

As you made your way back to the hotel, you could feel the ache in your feet and the desperate need to lie down. Or maybe hop in that jacuzzi. You thanked your tour guide and headed back up to your room. You hoped Kylo would be there but you knew not to get your hopes up.

As you walked into the dark room, you knew he wasn’t there. You figured you’d take the time you had to treat yourself to a nice bath.

You headed into the bathroom and stripped down, turning on the water to fill up the jacuzzi. Once it was filled enough with perfectly hot water, you stepped in and turned on the jets. You sunk into the water feeling the heat soothe your aching muscles. Your head leaned back and rested on the cool, soft resting pad. You closed your eyes and succumbed to the warmth and sound of the jets massaging your tired body.

You weren’t sure how long you had been laying there when you jolted awake at the feeling of lips at your neck. You let out a small screech until you relaxed hearing his voice.

“Long day kitten?” He said between placing soft kisses on your neck and collarbone.

“Geez Kylo, you scared the shit out of me!” You said, your eyes only falling shut again at the way his mouth was treating you.

“Should’ve locked the door princess, but I’m glad you didn’t.”

Soon, his mouth was gone and he was standing in front of the tub where you could see him. He began removing his clothing just as meticulously as he had put it on earlier.

“I asked you a question, kitten.” He said, eyes never leaving yours as he stripped. You didn’t move, the jets still treating your body with the pressure it needed, but as he took off each piece of clothing, you felt the need for pressure somewhere else.

You gulped, “Yes it was, but it was fun. I got to see a lot and bought some souvenirs for Rey and Poe!”

“Did you use my card?” He was down to only his boxers now.

“Oh no. It’s out there sitting on the table.” Your answer only infuriated him. Though he kept his composure, you saw it in his brooding.

“I told you to use it. Why didn’t you listen?” He was demanding as his fingers sunk beneath the waistband of his boxers.

“I wasn’t going to use your money for things that are for my friends.” He was now fully naked before you. For a moment you couldn’t help yourself from thinking how far you’ve both come. At the start, he wouldn’t even take his shirt off, and now he trusts you enough to reveal his whole self.

His cock was half hard as his eyes roamed your body, not being able to see much from the bubbles the jets were making in the water.

“I told you,” he paused making his way back to the back of you, “to use my card for anything. Why don’t you listen?”

He was behind you now and he couldn’t see the smirk that lit up your face. You felt his breath by your ear before you felt his massive hands massage your shoulders, wrap around your neck, travel to your breasts.

“You like being a little brat huh?” With his words, he kneaded your breasts only allowing you to moan in response. His fingers pinched your nipples hard and your whole body responded almost leaping out of the tub.

“So eager for me hmm?” A bite to the neck. “Too bad you’re not going to get me.”

He forced your body forward with his strength and slipped into the water behind you.

“But Kylo-” you whined and he cut you off.

“Don’t. Whine.” Your back was flush with his chest as his hands moved under your thighs to bring you onto his lap and spread your legs.

“Be a good girl for me ok?” He situated you right in front of one of the jacuzzi jets and you couldn’t help but smile knowing what he was doing. He propped you up so that the pressure of the water was directly hitting your clit.

“Oh fuck!” you screamed at the glorious sensation. His strong arms held you perfectly still even as your body squirmed and your abs contracted. His mouth was all over your neck, sucking welts that would be sure to stick around for several days.

You could feel your body begin to tingle as the constant stimulation was making it easy for you to reach your peak quickly.

“Kylo I’m gonna come please!” Your arms reached back around his neck trying to get a hold of anything that could keep you grounded from your earth-shattering orgasm.

“Go ahead kitten, come.”

He held you as your whole body shook and you screamed out curses and moans. It was music to his ears. Your orgasm took over you and you were left panting from the pleasure.

“So good,” you whispered out expecting him to set you back down on his lap. But, he didn’t. He held you there as the jet continued to put pressure on your clit.

“Kylo please, I-” he cut you off again.

“What did I say? No. Whining.”

You bit down hard on your lip as the pressure was directly hitting your bundle of nerves, making you ache and bringing you to your peak at the same time. Within minutes your hands were back, tugging on his hair, holding on for dear life.

“Kylo I’m coming again, oh my gods, please!” Once again he held you still, letting your orgasm take over your entire body. Your body felt like jello as you came so hard you saw stars. You couldn’t stop shaking as he continued to hold you there.

“I love seeing you like this kitten,” he said, mouth never leaving your neck. “I don’t ever want to stop.”

You were so dizzy with lust and from coming so hard, you lost count of how long he held you there, of how many times you came. You eventually couldn’t hold any of your weight anymore, it was just too much. Your head fell back to Kylo’s shoulder’s and he used all his strength to hold you up, keep you stimulated.

When he was satisfied enough, he let you rest on his lap. The water had lost its initial warmth and your eyes were heavy, body limp, as you laid your weight on Kylo. He kissed your head whispering praises into your ear.

“You did so good kitten.”

He started to move, carrying you out of the tub and grabbing a towel. He managed to get you on your feet enough to dry you off, before carrying you to the bed. He tucked you in and joined you at your side under the covers.

Your body was weak and you moved slowly to snuggle into his chest, his warmth soothing your body and helping you relax and tremble less. You remained like that for a while, listening to his heartbeat, feeling his slow, steady breaths.

Your mind began to wonder, to think of a life with him. Spending every night like this together, traveling together. You’d never felt so happy in your life and you loved him. And you were going to tell him because you knew a life with him was exactly what you wanted.

“Kylo?” You whispered, not sure if he had fallen asleep.

“Hmm?” You propped yourself up on the bed, finally having enough strength to do so, and he opened his eyes to look at you. Those eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes that stared into your soul. You never wanted to look at another pair of eyes again.

“I’m tired.”

“I know princess, go to sleep, rest,” he said after you took a breath.

“No,” you paused, “I’m tired of acting like I don’t love you…” the words trailed off your lips before you even had a chance to comprehend them yourself.

“I love you, Kylo. I know you may have grown up believing that you can’t be loved because of your past, because of your demons. But I _love_ you. Every part of you. The scars on your back, the darkness that invades your mind, your past, your brokenness. You deserve happiness, you are not too damaged for love. I love every bit of you because _you_ are _worth_ it and _worthy_ of it.”

Silence.

His face was expressionless in the darkness of the night. You had no idea what or how he was feeling. He wasn’t saying a word. For a moment you saw his breath stop. You didn’t know what to do.

“Kylo,” you said, starting to reach out your hand towards him. He quickly moved away, getting out of the bed, and throwing his sweats and a t-shirt on.

“Kylo please, where are you going?” Your heart was breaking, slowly, like you could feel every piece as it cracked and fell away.

He turned to look back at you, only holding your gaze for a moment before leaving you and shutting the bedroom door behind him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! Sorry, this one took so long but I hope you like it! I think I said it already but things after this and the next chapter are really going to start to pick up and I couldn't be more excited! Also, I've never been to Singapore so I am no expert, but I hope I did it some justice. As always, I love seeing your comments, they make me incredibly happy and feel free if you have any questions or concerns to DM me on twitter @adamdsolo xo, Laur


	18. Lost

You had tried to stay up as late as you could but Kylo never came back. You woke up the next morning hoping that maybe he’d be there but he was still gone. No note. Nothing indicating where he was.

You knew what you told him the night before probably wasn’t the best thing to say to him. But you were truly tired of it weighing on your shoulders. You needed to tell him, and it couldn’t wait. You were already thinking about a future together, you needed to know how he felt about that possibility.

When he left without a word, it broke your heart but you couldn’t lie to yourself. You were expecting that. Whether he liked it or not, you knew him, and you knew how he felt about love. Deep down, you had hoped your confession might have helped him realize his own true feelings but the sane part of you knew he would run.

And you were worried. You hadn’t seen him at all and you hoped nothing happened to him. You got out of bed, got dressed, and looked around your room. For a moment, you thought maybe he left. Maybe he went home already and left you there. But, you saw his suitcase was still in the room and figured he wouldn’t leave without that.

You made your way down to the lobby searching for him there but knowing you wouldn’t find him. You figured you’d inquire at the front desk. You asked if anyone had seen him at all between last night and this morning. The gentleman working at the desk said he saw him leaving with his briefcase this morning.

You assumed he had just gone into work, but you were still curious where he spent last night because you knew he didn’t come back to the bed you slept in. Even though he left you when you were at your most vulnerable, even though he said nothing to your confession, you were still worried about him. That’s just who you were.

You tried to push those things out of your mind as you made your way back to your room. You still wanted to explore this beautiful place. So you changed into something cute and comfortable and headed out.

This time you refused to take the tour guide. You were feeling rebellious from Kylo’s rejection and you figured it couldn’t be that hard to find your way back. You just wanted to be alone today, be with your thoughts, and think about things.

You spent hours walking around the city. Your thoughts consuming your mind so much, that you didn’t realize how far you had even gone. You found yourself in a small park just people watching. You sat on a bench as you observed the people around you. Businessmen and women walking and talking busily on their phones, friends who hadn’t seen each other in a while reuniting, and couples holding hands while walking.

You couldn’t help but sit and think about last night’s scenario as you watched the happy couples that walked by you. You loved Kylo so much. You couldn’t really explain it. You’d never felt so strongly about someone before in your life and with him, things just came so naturally. Yes, he had his struggles which brought some tension to your relationship at times but that didn’t matter to you. You knew you’d fight for him as long as he still wanted you too. Up to this point, you thought he still did. But now, now you were confused.

You couldn’t be angry at him for reacting the way he did but you were still frustrated. Frustrated at the people, the events that happened to him, that made him believe he wasn’t able to love or deserving of it. It made you want to hit something. Your anger built slowly, festering right on the edge. You got a glimpse into the darkness in his life and that almost broke your heart. You knew he hadn’t told you everything and it made you feel angry just thinking about how horrible the thing he didn’t tell you, could be. He was so deserving of love and you wanted to hurt anyone who made him believe otherwise.

It wasn’t long until you realized the sky had gone dark, and the park was illuminated by multicolor lights. It was absolutely beautiful until it hit you how late it had gotten. You pulled out your phone to check the time but you are greeted with a black screen.

Shit.

With everything that happened last night, you had forgotten to charge your phone. You looked around and didn’t really see a familiar path that would lead you back to your hotel. You tried to stay calm and not panic. It wasn’t like you were on a deserted island. You would find someone who would be able to help you.

So, you got up from the bench and walked over to the nearest crowd of people. You started your search, walking around and trying to find someone who understood. It didn’t take you too long to find someone who pointed you in the right direction. The only problem was, it was incredibly late. You hadn't realized how long you had just been sitting at that park watching and thinking. You knew Kylo often worked late. You hoped he hadn’t returned yet to find you gone. He would be livid to know you left without the tour guide. But, the more you thought about it, the more you realized, why should you care? Did he even really care about you to worry?

With the help of a group of young friends, you hoped in a cab and gave the driver directions to the hotel. You were proud of yourself that even when you found yourself lost, you still managed to find your way back.

-

-

-

-

******Kylo’s POV******

The day at the office was long. He could barely even focus. Between not getting hardly any sleep last night and the words she had admitted to him ringing through his head, Kylo was not in the mood to even focus on work. But, he had to, this was his job and his company was relying on him to close this deal. He had purposefully stayed late at the office hoping that when he returned to the hotel she would be sound asleep. He didn’t want to have to avoid her, but he didn’t know what to say to her either.

She had told you what was in her heart. She had trusted you with that. She had been holding it in for a while and all you did was leave. You could kick yourself for not having the courage to stay, to tell her your own feelings. But you just couldn’t. You hoped she understood that.

As he rode the elevator up to the room, he could feel his nerves start to act up. His instinct was to run again. To hide and act like nothing ever happened. But you knew her. You knew she was probably worried when she woke up to find you gone. You should have left a note or something. You needed her to see you were ok.

He swiped the key card and entered the room. It was dark. He found that unusual. She would have kept a soft light on in the living area for him. He flipped a switch and the room lit up in a soft, warm, glow. He noticed the bedroom door was open so he walked quietly over to shut it. It wasn’t until he looked in that he realized the bed was empty.

A strange feeling festered in his gut as he called out her name. Turning more of the lights on and checking every room. He couldn’t find her anywhere. He didn’t want to start panicking before he checked the lobby and the front desk. Maybe she was just wondering about the hotel.

 _But this late?_ He thought to himself.

He reached the lobby quickly and started asking around. One of the clerks said the last time he saw her she was leaving the hotel, alone.

He knew she had more exploring she wanted to do. He hoped she wouldn’t be stupid enough to go alone.

He immediately pulled out his cell and called her but the line went straight to voicemail. Great, her phone’s dead, he thought to himself. He wanted to go out and look for her. Why would she just go alone like that? She could be hurt, something could’ve happened. The clerk at the front desk could tell he was panicking.

“Don’t worry sir, she is a smart girl, I’m sure she will be fine. It’s best if you stay here in case she comes back.”

His words weren’t helping as he imagined the worst. Before he could even think about what his next move should be, he saw her stroll through the front doors.

He let out a sigh he didn’t even know he was holding as he saw her face. As he saw she was fine.

She on the other hand did not look as thrilled to see him. That was to be expected.

******End of Kylo’s POV**********

“Where the hell were you,” he said, meeting you in the middle of the lobby. You honestly weren’t expecting to see him. You thought he would still be at the office. But here he was, waiting for you right at the front doors. You knew he was mad from his words and you didn’t want to have that conversation in front of people.

“Let’s not do this here,” you said, walking past him and towards the elevator.

The two of you rode up in silence. When you finally entered your room, Kylo was fuming.

“Where were you?” He asked you again, this time with much more aggression.

“I went sightseeing,” you responded. Short and to the point.

“All this time? And without the guide?”

“I lost track of time and then I was lost but it’s fine. I made it back here didn't I?” You made your way to the bedroom, getting undressed, and wanting to get comfortable after your long day.

“You got lost!? Why didn’t you take the guide?” His voice was raised as he followed you into the room.

“Kylo it’s fine. Get over it.” You were annoyed. Between not seeing him all day, and him not even responding to you last night, you weren’t in the mood to argue about something that was pointless.

“Get over it? You’re telling me to get over it?” He clearly didn’t like you saying that.

“All I am saying is, I went out on my own today, got lost, and still was able to find my way back, with my phone dead and everything. I can take care of myself, I don’t need you to care.”

His eyes burned into you as he heard your words. You saw his expression change and for a moment you saw hurt.

“Something could have happened to you, how could you be so stupid!” The tears forming stung your eyes at his words.

“Oh, now I’m stupid! You know what! Fuck you!” You screamed, face red. Your frustration boiled over and you couldn’t keep it locked inside anymore. You felt your face tighten as you looked at him with fury in your eyes. His eyes were dark. You’ve seen those eyes before and you couldn’t help your cunt from clenching under his lustful gaze.

Before you knew it, his hand was behind your neck, roughly pulling you in for a kiss. It was messy, sloppy, but you couldn’t help but melt into it. You were upset but somehow that only turned you on more. Your hands worked quickly to unbutton his shirt and take it off. His own hands coming to the hem of your shirt and lifting it over your head.

You both were moving fast, his mouth all over you making you moan. You weren’t thinking, you didn’t want to think, all you wanted was to feel. To feel him. You removed your pants and got on the bed as he did the same.

“I don’t think you are stup-”

You cut him off, “Just shut up and get inside me.” You knew he didn’t like being ordered around and you saw how that affected him as he aligned himself with your entrance. With no warning, he thrust into you, all the way to the hilt.

“Oh fuck!” You screamed at the feeling of him filling you fully. He found his pace. It was fast, hard, and you could feel your body moving from how hard he was thrusting into you.

“I hate you,” you seethed and he just smiled at you. The most devious smile and your heart swelled. Part of you wished you really could hate him, but you never would. He had stolen your heart, all of it. And now, he knew it too.

He was silent, all that he was giving you were grunts as he hit deeper and deeper inside you. His hand wrapped around your neck putting light pressure there, only giving you more pleasure as you felt yourself already reaching your climax. This time you wouldn’t ask, you wouldn’t beg. You would just come and you didn’t care if he had a problem with it.

You felt the heat building in your stomach as he hit that perfect spot inside you over, and over again. Your orgasm ripped through your body as you came hard on his cock. You felt his grip tighten around your neck as he felt you come. You grinned knowing he was mad. But he really didn’t have the right to be upset or to do anything about it. He knew that.

“Fuck!” He slipped out as he felt you clench around him as he continued his thrusts. Your body continued shaking as he pounded into you hard. He reached his peak quickly. You felt his cock pulse inside you as he spilled his load out and filled you up. His hands came to the side of your head as he finished. His breath was heavy, matching your own as he looked into your eyes.

You were lost in his gaze, you didn’t know how long you laid like that. Eventually, he pulled out of you. You stayed still, looking at the ceiling, not moving an inch. You heard shuffling, then the bedroom door closed, and you knew that was the last you would see of him that night.

You walked into the bathroom and cleaned yourself up. You put on your most comfortable clothes and hopped into bed. You brought the covers up to your neck and nestled into the pillow. He had just fucked you and it felt amazing. But why? He was confusing you because you didn’t know what any of this meant. You were leaving tomorrow. You didn’t know how things would be when you got back. Things definitely didn’t go the way you anticipated here in Singapore, but you would always be grateful to Kylo for taking you.

You didn’t know where you stood with Kylo. You hadn’t discussed your confession at all. He was acting like it never happened and maybe that’s how he wanted it. But, that’s not what you really wanted. You wanted him to at least address it. You had shown him a vulnerable part of your heart that you rarely show anyone and he was ignoring it.

You closed your eyes and tried to stop your mind from thinking. From imagining the worst. You tried to think of happy thoughts. You didn’t know when you fell asleep but the last thing you remember your mind imagining was you and Kylo waking up in the morning, in the same bed, cuddled together not wanting to move.

-

-

-

-

Your flight home was long. Much longer than the first flight there and that was mostly due to the fact that Kylo wasn’t talking to you. When you went into the bedroom to sleep, he didn’t join you. He chose to sleep on the couch. You didn’t fight him on it. To be honest, you didn’t have the energy to do so. You were exhausted and you couldn’t wait until you got home.

You and Kylo were sitting next to each other in complete silence when the plane landed back in New York. You had been too nervous to speak at all, you didn’t know if you even wanted to hear what he might have had to say in response to your love confession. At this point, maybe it was for the best that he ignored it. If he didn’t feel the same at least him saying nothing was sparing you that heartbreak. But, you knew you would need to know at some point.

You stepped off the plane and saw two cars waiting for you. You knew something was up because you usually rode in the same car as Kylo. Together. You were worried that this meant something. Was he breaking up with you and not telling you? He must have noticed the troubled look on your face.

“I have to go into the office, clear some things up from the trip. Elliot will take you home.” You could see he wanted to do something. To kiss you. To say something. But, he turned towards the car and got in without another word. You watched as his car drove away and you were left alone again.

You smiled at Elliot as he grabbed your bags and put them into the trunk. The car ride was silent but you were anxious to get back to your apartment. To see Poe. You knew he was going to be so excited to hear about your trip and you had to put on a brave face. You did have a great time, but you were going to have to leave out the part where Kylo left you and was silent for most of the trip.

When Elliot pulled up to your familiar apartment building you let out a sigh of relief. It did feel good to be back where you felt familiar. Even though you still felt a foreign feeling towards the man who means the most to you. You felt lost. Like you were back in Singapore. You were walking alone trying to find him, to find the man that he was so desperately trying to hide.

You closed your eyes and took in another deep breath. Standing outside your building you came to terms with what you said and you were content. You didn’t regret a thing. The ball was in his court now. If you mean anything to him, if you are important to him, if he loves you, he will call.

You love Kylo Ren and now he knows it. It’s up to him to choose what he does with that knowledge. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! I am so so incredibly sorry for how long it took for me to get this chapter up! My motivation went downhill which is probably why this isn't one of my best chapters. Though I do hope you enjoy it. The chapter was needed to progress the story and lead into what is going to happen in the next chapter which is very thrilling, I must say. So, as always please bear with me! I do my best to get these chapters written and up as fast as I can. As always I love love love getting your comments, they mean everything to me!! And if you ever have any comments, questions, or concerns feel free to find me on twitter @adamdsolo xo, Laur


	19. Taken

You were so glad it was Friday. You’d been swamped at work after your travels and you desperately needed “family dinner” tonight. You, of course, had talked with Poe about your trip, but you hadn’t seen Rey. She had been busy shooting and work was keeping you with late hours. You had a quick phone call earlier in the week but you needed to see your best friend. You needed someone who would listen to the struggles you were facing with Kylo and understand them. Give you advice on them. Comfort your shattered heart.

You went back to your apartment after work and immediately just fell onto the couch. You let out a big sigh from the exhaustion and leaned your head back closing your eyes.

“Long day?” Poe asked from the kitchen. He was already starting to prepare dinner as you let your eyes rest for a moment.

“You could say that,” you responded with a chuckle. You were always so grateful for your brother. You had the best relationship and you wouldn’t trade it for the world. It was really special. Not many people can say they have that kind of relationship with their siblings.

“I’m going to go jump in the shower quick,” you said, getting up from the couch with a sigh.

“Take your time, I’ve got dinner covered,” Poe said as he continued to cook away. You made your way over to him giving him a tight hug from behind.

“Thank you,” you squeezed him tight before heading back into your bedroom. You undressed, taking off the uncomfortable work clothes you had chosen to wear this morning. You walked into the bathroom turning the shower water on.

You looked at yourself in the mirror for a moment. You never usually liked what you saw staring back at you and this time was no different. You hadn’t stopped thinking about Kylo, even though you wanted to. As you looked in the mirror, you wondered if you’d ever be enough. If someone would ever truly love you. You didn’t want to start crying. Tonight was supposed to be fun, good times spent with your friends, and you didn’t want to ruin it with your sadness. You stepped into the shower and let the warm water rush over you, washing your body, ridding it of the day’s grime.

You stood under the water, trying to forget, to push the thoughts out of your head. Until you suddenly realized how long you had been standing there under the water. You needed to get out, your guests would be arriving soon and you didn’t want Poe to have to do all the work.

You got out of the shower and dried off, changing into some comfortable clothes and heading back out to the kitchen.

“Need any help?” You asked as Poe turned around at the sound of your voice.

“Do you mind setting the table?”

“Not at all.” You moved to grab plates, forks, and knives. As you place them on the table, you hear the buzzer. You jog over to let your guests in. Rey and Finn enter and your face lights up. You immediately found Rey with your arms, bringing her into a tight hug. Finn had joined Poe in the kitchen as you finally let Rey free of your arms.

“I’ve missed you so much,” you tell her, taking her hands in your own.

“I’ve missed you too, we have lots to talk about huh?” She could see it in your eyes. She was always good with noticing when there was a lot on your mind or when you had something you needed to tell her.

“Yes, but let’s enjoy dinner first ok?” She nodded as you both went to find your seat around the table. Poe had made the most delicious pasta. It was so good that for most of the eating part of dinner, everyone was silent, savoring the delicate flavors. Once most of the meal had been eaten, Finn started asking you about Singapore. He wanted to know everything, and so did Rey. You told them all about the sights, how beautiful it was, the culture, the people, everything good about your trip. But Rey knew there was more to the story. You gave them the souvenirs you brought back and they loved them. They hugged you, grateful that you had thought of them while you were a world away.

Rey talked about her time shooting, and Finn and Poe went on to talk about school. Filming for Rey was wrapping up soon which only meant that the premiere was only a few months away. She told you as much as she could. There were certain things she legally couldn’t tell you but you were so excited to see her on-screen. You knew she was going to be amazing and that this opportunity was probably going to kick start a wonderful and successful career for her. You’d probably be friends with a famous person after this.

They asked you about work and you told them it’s just been busy. The same old, same old, just with a little more responsibility and lots more hours. You weren’t mad about it though. As much as your job was exhausting, there was little time to think about your own thoughts while doing it. And you couldn’t deny how much you loved having the camera in your hands.

Before you knew it Poe and Finn were getting up to start the clean-up process.

“No let me, you cooked,” you said standing, wanting to help out in some way.

“It’s ok sis, you and Rey have lots to talk about,” he smiled a sad smile at you, knowing that you’ve had lots on your mind that you haven’t been able to really speak about. He knew you needed to talk to Rey. Badly. And you knew Rey would listen. You knew she would understand.

You both sat on the couch as you told her about your trip. The parts about Kylo that you had left out when you were talking at the table. You told her about everything. About your love confession, him leaving, you getting lost, him being furious, the hate sex, and the awkward trip home. By the time you were finished talking, she knew everything.

She had just listened. Watched your face grow sad each time you had to think about what had happened.

“Why did you choose to tell him you loved him while you were so far from home?” She asked in a joking, loving way.

“I really don’t know. It just hit me. I just felt like I needed to tell him, to get the weight off my shoulders.” Your eyes could barely meet hers as you fidget with your hands.

“Hey,” Rey said, placing her hand over your own, “look at me.”

You did as she asked. You knew she could see how sad your eyes were and the tears that were stinging them, threatening to fall.

“If he doesn’t love you back, he’s a fool. You are so deserving of love. Of a good love. You are wonderful. Don’t let some guy make you doubt that.”

She was right. You said your piece to him and you had accepted that. If he doesn’t feel the same way then it’s his loss. You had good people who did love you. People who cared so much about you and would always be there for you, no matter what.

And like clockwork, as if he knew you were talking about him, thinking about him, your phone buzzed with his number showing up on the screen.

You looked up at Rey and she squeezed your hand as you opened the text.

**Meet me at my place Monday night at 9 pm. There are some things we need to talk about.**

You showed Rey the text and she couldn’t refrain from rolling her eyes. You knew how she felt about Kylo. It’s not like she didn’t like him, she just knew the hurt he had put you through and she was just being protective.

“Are you going to go?” She asked, more curious about your decision than you were.

“I don’t know,” you paused. There were so many things going through your head right now. It was like you were driving in a heavy fog, unsure which way to turn to get to your destination.

“Well don’t feel like you have to, you don’t owe him anything. Ok?”

You shook your head knowing she was right. But your heart wanted to hear him out. He’d had a few days to think about things. Maybe he realized how important you really were to him. Hearing him out was the least you could do right?

You looked at Rey. “I’ll take some time to think about my answer,” you said with a small smile. She returned your expression bringing you in for a tight hug.

“I love you, never forget that,” she whispered as she held you tight.

“I love you too, always.”

You both returned to the cleaned table and sat down getting ready for your game of charades.

“We are totally gonna whoop your asses this time,” Finn said to you and Rey as he smiled at Poe who seemed overly confident.

You and Rey always won charades. She was an actress after all. But, you always let them think they would win. As the game started you could already tell you and Rey would be the winners. After some good, hard, belly laughs and several rounds, you and Rey came out on top again. You joked with Poe and Finn about it before settling in for a movie. You were grateful for this time with your friends. Every dinner night brought new memories that you would remember forever. And you also were able to forget about the heavy thoughts that weighed on your mind.

Once everyone had left, you were exhausted and knew you would soon be at the stage where you just passed out from tiredness. You said goodnight to Poe as you laid down on your bed.

You thought a bit more about Kylo’s text. You were glad he was at least reaching out. Something was definitely on his mind and you didn’t feel right ignoring that or not giving him the chance to tell you his side.

You picked up your phone and opened his text. You quickly typed your response.

**I’ll be there.**

You clicked your phone off, turning it over, and putting it on your nightstand. You turned your body, nestling into your pillow as you let the exhaustion take over and you fell asleep.

-

-

-

-

Your weekend passed by too quickly and as your alarm rang Monday morning you didn’t even want to leave the bed. But, you knew you had to. You quickly showered, got dressed, and had some fruit for breakfast before heading out.

Work was going so slow today. You weren’t sure if it was because you were anxiously anticipating meeting Kylo tonight or if it was just one of those boring days that seemed to drag on.

You had several shoots today. Your first was with a lovely woman who got started her business selling novelty chocolates and turned it into a candy empire. The second was a young man who started his own publishing company that had gotten successful quickly.

Both were fairly easy and didn’t take long. They followed instructions and cooperated. Which meant you had time afterward to edit the photos making less work for you later on.

Your final photoshoot of the day however was with Jeffery Holding. You had encountered him before. And you knew his type. He was arrogant, cocky, and he wanted people to know he was better than them. You hadn’t had to work with him yet, but you’d heard about how difficult he was from your co-workers. Today was your first time having to photograph him and it had already been a long day. You weren’t looking forward to it, you were cranky. But you tried to push that all aside and do your job.

When you arrived on set, the first thing you saw was Mr. Holding looking in the mirror. He was clearly obsessed with his appearance which meant he’d be asking to see every photo. You couldn’t help from rolling your eyes.

And you weren’t wrong. The shoot had taken much longer, several hours past its designated end time, and you were exhausted. Mr. Holding had questioned all your decisions, not only making your job harder but having you doubt yourself. You were glad to have your team there as they helped reassure you that you were doing amazing. The guy was a sleaze and when he finally left, you let out a huge sigh of relief.

You and your team de-stressed while cleaning up and completely roasting the guy. It felt good to just let out your frustrations. You had texted Rey about it as she was always curious how your shoots went. You were able to tell her about Mr. Holding and how much of an ass he was. She asked if you were still planning on going to Kylo’s and you responded yes. You knew she probably didn’t understand your decision but it was what you needed to do.

By the time you finished up, you looked at your watch and it was 8 o’clock. You had to be at Kylo’s in an hour and after the day you’ve had, you needed to get a drink first.

As you exited the studio and stepped into the fresh air taking in a breathe. You figured you’d hail a cab, not knowing if Kylo would’ve sent Elliot to your apartment or not. As you stood on the sidewalk with your arm out, you couldn’t help but feel like someone was watching you. You looked around, terror rising in your chest. This wasn’t the first time you had this feeling and then the break-in at your apartment. You were starting to get freaked out. You just wanted to get in a cab and get that drink.

Finally, one stopped and you quickly climbed in with a sigh of relief. You knew of a bar you frequented often that was on the way to Kylo’s. You told the cab driver the address and you sat back watching the city speed by through the window.

You didn’t know what to expect when you would arrive at Kylo’s. How would his mood be? Would he be kind, gentle? Or would he be hard, cold, distant? As much as you wanted to know what he wanted to talk about, you also had a queasy feeling in your gut that tonight wouldn’t end well for you.

When you arrived at the bar you quickly found a seat. There was barely anyone there and you assumed it was just because it was a Monday night. The place was small but decorated nicely. It wasn’t the typical club bar or smelly bar you would go to when you just wanted to get hammered. You often went here when meeting friends for social drinking. It was quiet, the people that frequented it were nice. You never had to worry about being here when you were alone.

You asked the bartender for a cranberry vodka. You wanted to keep it light, just something to calm your nerves a bit. You looked around to see just how dead the place really was. There was a couple at the end of the bar, wrapped up in each other, clueless as to what was going on around them. There were few single looking men and women, like yourself, scattered about. And a small group of friends who were laughing and drinking but soon left after you arrived.

As you waited for your drink, you couldn’t help but think about how you hoped things would go tonight. If you were being honest, you really had no idea why you were going to his place tonight. You had no idea what he wanted to talk about and that scared you. You hoped he wanted to talk about how he felt, how having a few days to think and reflect made him realize what you meant to him. But, he could also be asking you to his penthouse tonight to end things for good. Or, it could be completely unrelated to the events that transpired in Singapore. He could act like that never happened and his idea of “talking” would be throwing you onto the bed and fucking you senseless.

When your drink finally arrives, you begin sipping which quickly turns into gulping as your nerves heighten. You kept looking at your watch, seeing the minutes tick by, rapidly approaching the time you were supposed to be meeting Kylo.

You waited until the last second you could to leave. You took the last sip of your drink and moved to stand but before you could you clung to the bar, suddenly feeling dizzy. Your hands held on tight to the bar trying to steady yourself, blinking your eyes to try and focus, but all you saw were black spots starting to cloud your vision. You turned to look for someone, to make eye contact with someone.

“Help, help,” you started speaking out to anyone who would hear, who would listen but you didn’t hear anyone answer.

You saw the bartender approach you. You thought he was coming to help but he did nothing. He just looked at you with what looked like a smirk on his face. You went to reach for your phone only to drop it out of your hands. You tried to scream but nothing was coming out of your mouth. You felt like you had no control over your body. You felt weak. _What was happening to you? What was going on? Kylo!_

And the last thing you remember seeing was a veil of darkness, complete blackness, cover your face, and a searing pain in your head. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello loves! Well, there you have it. Chapter 19! I hope you all enjoyed this one and sorry for leaving it on a cliffhanger again, I love cliffhangers hehe! And I’m sure you can already tell that the next chapter will be Kylo’s POV! I'm going to do my best to get the next chapter up as quickly as possible so you don't have to wait in suspense too long but things really pick up from here so thanks for sticking with me! As always, I love seeing your comments! My heart brightens every time I see one, so thank you! And if you ever have any comments, questions, or concerns, feel free to DM on twitter @adamdsolo xo, Laur


	20. The Search

It was way past 9 o’clock and she hadn’t shown. But could he really blame her? He had left her at the airport after what was the most awkward flight of his life. And it was his fault. She had tried to talk to him, tried to reach him, but after she confessed her true feelings for him he just shut down.

He had known she felt that way for a while. She was no good at hiding it. But her saying it out loud somehow made it too real. Suddenly, he realized everything and he needed to tell her. He couldn’t keep her in the dark any longer, couldn’t keep one of his biggest secrets from her. She needed to know.

And he was going to tell her tonight but she didn’t show up. He figured it was payback. That she was giving him a taste of his own medicine. And frankly, he did deserve it. And now he’d been waiting around all night like a pathetic fool.

Why did he let her hold so much power over him in the first place? He should’ve never let himself get close to her. He knew it would only hurt her in the end.

He was tired of thinking. Tired of waiting and hoping she might’ve just got stuck in traffic or had something come up. So he thought he’d try and get some sleep. Maybe things would be cleared up in the morning.

He went into his room, seeing the empty bed, wishing she was lying in it. Somehow it didn’t feel right sleeping in it without her.

He changed out of his work clothes and into a pair of sweatpants and laid on the couch, closing his eyes. At first, all he saw was darkness. Then images of her flooded his mind. Of her smiling, laughing, having fun. Then of her crying, heartbroken because he couldn’t give her what she wanted.

He tossed and turned all night, not for a second able to put her out of his mind. When he finally started to see dawn break he felt relieved. He could finally wake up and it would be acceptable.

He reached for his phone to check and see if there were any messages. His heart dropped when there were none. Suddenly, an unsettling feeling rose from his stomach.

How could he be so stupid! It was so unlike her not to show up. Or not to at least text saying she wouldn’t be able to make it. You knew her. When she said she’d be somewhere, she’d be there. Gods he was such an idiot.

What if something happened to her.

He could feel the anger inside him starting to rise and boil over. He was angry at himself for not thinking of this sooner. A whole night had gone by. Idiot.

He tried to calm down as he dialed her number. When it immediately went to voicemail, his worriment only got stronger.

He started pacing, trying to think of what his next move should be. Should he go to her apartment? But what if she was just avoiding him? He’d look like a fool. Suddenly he remembered she had given him Rey’s number in case of an emergency. Her best friend. Surely she would know where she was.

He quickly dialed Rey’s number, hoping all of this was a big misunderstanding. He hoped that she would have some answers.

As the phone rang and rang, he realized how early it was in the morning. When a quiet voice answered he knew he had to control himself and try to remain calm.

“Hi um is this Rey?” He asked unsure if she was the one answering the phone.

“Yes, this is she,” a pause, “Who is this?”

“It’s Kylo.”

She was confused as to why he was calling until he started rambling on about her, asking where she was, and where she could be. Then Rey grew concerned.

“Kylo, I thought she was with you. She said she was going to your place last night.”

“FUCK!” Kylo couldn’t hold back his rage any longer. _Where could she be?_

Rey started getting even more worried hearing his reaction, trying to understand what was going on.

“Kylo! Kylo! KYLO!” She yelled through the phone trying to get him to stop his rambling and talk to her. She took the silence on the other end as her cue to speak.

“Is she not with you? Did she not go to your place last night?” He could hear the fear in her voice

“No. I have no idea where she is. I tried calling her cell but it went straight to voicemail.”

There was silence. Both of them unsure of what was even happening right now.

“Have you checked her apartment? With Poe?” She finally asked as he could hear the tears filling her eyes.

“No, I haven’t. I didn’t-” She quickly cut him off.

“I’ll check in with Poe. Maybe she’s home.” She said, though it was more of a question really.

“Ok. I can track her phone. Find out where that is at least, or where it was last. Hopefully, she’s with it.” He was frantic, getting himself dressed and grabbing his keys while on the phone.

He could hear the sobs from Rey on the other line.

“Don’t worry Rey. I’ll find her. I’ll make sure of it.”

-

-

-

He had hopped in his car and drove furiously through the city to the last known address her phone was at. When he pulled up to the bar, his heart started beating fast, a heat rose within him that he had never really recognized before. He almost burst through the doors drawing attention to himself as he searched the room. He didn’t see her anywhere. But what he did see was her phone lying on the floor.

He grabbed it, knowing it was dead. He took out his own, pulling up a picture of her and asking around. No one recognized her. No one had seen her. No one knew where she was. The bartender was the last person he asked.

“Sorry, I wasn’t working last night. She doesn’t look familiar to me.”

“Who was working?” Kylo asked, fury in his voice.

“Calm down man. I don’t think I can disclose that information anywa-”

“My girlfriend is missing and your bartender might be the only person that could help me find her!” He was livid, desperate. So much so, that he didn’t even realize what he had called her just now.

“Okay, okay!” The man gave him the name of the bartender scheduled to work last night. From there it didn’t take Kylo long to find an address and he was speeding over to the guys place, faster than he had ever driven before.

When he arrived he didn’t even think about what he would say, he only had finding her on his mind. He knocked on the door furiously, numb to the pain in his hand from knocking so hard. He waited for what felt like an eternity for someone to finally come to the door.

The man was large, bulky, and clearly had been drinking. Kylo knew he could easily take him if he didn’t get the information he came for.

“Can I help you?” The man asked.

Kylo took out his phone and showed the picture of her to him.

“This girl. She was at the bar you were working at last night. Where is she?” He was seething, anger boiling out of him.

“I’m sorry man I’ve never seen that girl before in my life.”

He was lying. Kylo could see it in his eyes. There was something he wasn’t telling him.

“You’re lying! What aren’t you saying? WHERE IS SHE?” He was yelling at this point. His anger had always been an issue but he would never have outbursts like this on complete strangers. But this situation was different. He had to find her. Had to make sure she was okay. He would never forgive himself if he let something happen to her. He didn’t want her last impression of him to be that he didn’t love her.

He didn’t realize he had gripped the man's shirt collar, bringing him closer to his face as he yelled. As he felt the red that covered his eyes start to dissipate, he let go, hoping he at least scared the drunkard enough to give him the information he needed.

“Look man, I was just doing what I was told.”

“Where is she?” He asked again, voice sharp like a knife ready to kill.

“Me and a few guys were hired by someone anonymous, who said he was hired by someone named Organa. I was told to drug her, that was it. The other guys were supposed to take her to some abandoned warehouse and keep her there for further instruction.”

Kylo didn’t have time to process the fact that he just heard his mother’s name involved in the drugging and kidnapping of the one person he ever truly trusted.

“Where?” He asked, finding her was the only thing occupying his mind right now.

The man gave him directions and Kylo stormed off back to his car, speeding off once again. Once he arrived at the location, he parked a few blocks away. He had no idea what to expect. If there would be people guarding her if they would be armed. He hoped he could sneak in, grab her, and get out, that is if she was still alive.

That thought sunk into his head for a moment. It was always in the back of his mind but he had locked it away and tried to throw out the key. Unfortunately, that didn’t work because here he was thinking about it.

 _No._ He said to himself. _I won’t think like this. She’s fine I know it, I can feel it._

Kylo quietly made his way around to the back of the warehouse, trying his best to stay out of sight. He didn’t see anyone, no guards, nothing. So, he went towards a small window that was carved out from the brick building. He looked in, adjusting his eyes to see what was in the dimly lit space.

He scanned the space, looking for her, and saw no one. He didn’t want to give up that easily. She had to be somewhere. Or there had to be a clue telling him where she could be. He scanned the room with his eyes one last time before he saw it. There was a rope tied around one of the large, wide pillars and he could faintly see the outline of a head attached to it. It had to be her.

He had to stop himself from just barging in then and there. He had to be smart about this.

He looked around, seeing an entrance from the back. If there were any guards in there, they weren’t in that room which only meant there had to be cameras somewhere. He had to get in, get her, and get out before they noticed.

He tried the door. Locked. He saw the padlock secured around the door handle and cursed lightly to himself. This makes everything a bit more tricky. Once he busts through, someone is definitely going to hear. He had to be quick.

He looked around trying to find a heavy and strong enough object that would break the lock. He grabbed a metal canister and figured that would do the trick.

He only had one chance at this. He had to break the lock on the first try.

He gripped the canister tight and took a large breath before using all his force and connecting it with the lock. With a loud crash, the lock busted open and he didn’t waste a second, running in and finding the pillar with the rope. He turned and saw her. He could’ve heard his heart break then and there as she was slumped over, lifeless looking, with a bloody gash on her head.

He quickly took out his pocket knife, cutting the rope and checking for her pulse. He was relieved to feel a beat, knowing she was alive, but it was weak. Once the rope was cut he heard commotion coming from outside the room. He knew he’d been made and he had to move quickly. He grabbed her, cradling her in his arms, making sure her head rested on his chest.

As he ran out with her, he started hearing the gun shots. He cradled her head to his chest as he ran hoping the bullets would fly past the both of them. He felt a sudden sharp pain in his arm and winced but kept running. He had to get her to his car, had to get her to the hospital.

He knew whoever was shooting at him couldn’t follow him out into the open. It would draw too much attention as people would hear the shots, would see them.

Once he cleared the warehouse he sprinted into the open, getting to his car as fast as he could. He quickly opened the passenger door of his car and gently placed her in, making sure to watch her head. It was a hard blow and he knew that it didn’t look good. He just hoped it was nothing serious. As he closed the door, he checked his own arm where he felt a sharp pain. He looked down and let out a sigh as he realized the bullet had only grazed his arm.

He got into the car and sped off towards the nearest hospital making sure to glance over at her to make sure she was ok. He wished she would wake up.

When he arrived at the hospital, he rushed her into the Emergency yelling for help. She needed to get help, and soon. He had no idea the damage the gash on her head might have done. A nurse rushed over to him with a bed as a doctor followed behind her. Kylo placed her down gently as the doctor started asking him what happened.

“I- I don’t know! She was kidnapped, I found her like this. She’s got a pretty bad injury on her head!” He started shouting, following them as they rushed her towards the back surgery rooms. The nurse stopped him before he could follow her through the double doors.

“Sir, sir! You can’t follow her back there! It’s gonna be ok, they’re going to take good care of her!” He didn’t like the idea of not being there for her. Not being the first thing she saw when she woke up. If she woke up.

The nurse noticed he was bleeding and led him into a room to clean the wound and bandage him. The police came in and asked him some questions. They wanted to know if he had seen the people who shot at him. Unfortunately, Kylo really had nothing to offer. Getting her out of there safely was the only thing that mattered. Once the nurse cleared him she told him he could wait for updates in the waiting room.

He couldn’t stop thinking about her, hoping that whatever was happening, that she was okay. He called Rey who was with Poe, worried. He told her what was happening and the two of them told him they’d be there soon.

Waiting felt like forever. It allowed him to process all that happened. To realize that, according to the bartender, his mother was behind all of this. _Why would she go to these measures?_ He knew she didn’t like your relationship. He knew it got in the way of her plans. But he never thought she’d go to these lengths to get rid of her from his life. For the first time in his life he was scared. For her. He wouldn’t let anything else happen to her. Even if that meant stepping away from the only person that ever made sense to him, who loved him deeply, who truly understood him. It was too dangerous for her to be with him now.

He heard the nurse call out his name and he stood up immediately, curious for an update.

“You may want to sit down for this honey,” she said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder and following him to sit.

“What’s wrong? Is she ok?” He could feel that new feeling of fear beginning to rise inside him again.

“Well sir, the gash in her head, it was a very serious injury.” His eyes were burning into her as she spoke trying to anticipate the next words to come from her mouth.

“She’s alive sir but, she’s in a coma.” Her hand reached for his as he took the news in his ears but wanted to refuse to process it through his head.

“We’ll continue to keep you updated if anything changes. You’ll be able to see her soon.” He heard her again but was still trying to process the previous information.

He wasn’t sure when the nurse left him but his mind was like a broken record. The only thing he could hear replaying in it was, “She’s in a coma.”

He was frozen in place, unsure how to feel. He wanted to punch a wall. He wanted to kill the bastards that did this to her. He wanted to understand why. Why his mother, of all people, would be capable of ordering something like this.

But the strongest feeling, the one deep in his gut that made it turn upside down, was guilt. Ultimately, this was all his fault. He never should’ve gotten this close to her. It’s his fault that she’s here right now. His fault that she is in a coma.

How could he ever forgive himself for this? 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well here you go loves!! Sorry, it took longer than I wanted to get this up but I really hope you enjoy it! Don't worry, I promise you I will give you a good ending! I know that sometimes it may not seem like it but trust me. Thank you all for your continued support and for loving the story as you do! It truly does mean the world to me. Thank you for the comments too they always make me smile so please keep them coming! As always if you have any questions, concerns, comments, or anything at all, my DMs are always open on twitter @adamdsolo! xo, Laur


	21. Waiting

He had let Rey and Poe go in to see her first when the nurse said she was allowed to have visitors. Kylo sat in the waiting room, leg shaking, thinking about what she must look like, hoping she wasn’t in any pain. He waited and waited. He knew he should just leave, stay away from her now that he knew he was the reason she ended up like this. But, he had to see her. Had to look at her with his own eyes just in case it was the last time he got to do so.

When Rey and Poe came back out he could tell they had both been crying. He stood up to greet them.

“Thank you, for finding my sister and saving her,” Poe said as he pulled him into a hug.

Kylo stood stunned, hands at his side as Poe released him only to be welcomed by another hug from Rey.

“Yes, thank you,” she said, her voice still hoarse from crying.

“I found her but I didn’t save her. She’s in a goddamn coma!” Kylo could feel the fear in him rising, the anger, the sadness, the tears. He had to stay strong.

“Yes, but she’s still alive. The doctor told us only a few more hours and she would’ve been gone. Who knows what would’ve happened if you didn’t show up,” Poe said, gratefulness and appreciation in his voice.

Kylo sat down and explained everything to them because they had lots of questions. After doing so, they told him to go see her. That it would help. To go talk to her because the nurse said there’s a chance she might hear them when they do. They both gave him sad smiles before leaving him to go to the lunchroom to grab some food.

He found himself soon after, walking back towards her room. When he sees her, laying in the hospital bed, tubes attached to her body, he could physically feel his heart break.

He sat down on the chair beside her bed and grabbed her hand. It was cold, small, lifeless. And that’s when he couldn’t hold it back anymore. The tears stung his eyes as they fell down his cheeks. He couldn’t remember the last time he actually cried but he couldn’t stop himself. He brought her hand up to his lips, kissing it lightly as he cried.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered, his sobs racking through his body as he gripped her hand. “I should’ve known something was wrong the second you didn’t show up at my place. Maybe...maybe if I had realized sooner...” The sobs kept coming, making it hard for him to speak softly anymore. “...If I had realized sooner maybe you wouldn’t be like this. I’m so fucking stupid. I’m sorry I did this to you.”

He sat there for a while. He wasn’t even sure how long it had been as he watched her. She looked peaceful apart from all the tubes. It was a comfort to know that she wasn’t in any pain.

He still held her hand, never wanting to let go.

The past several hours had opened him up to emotions he didn’t even know he had the possibility to feel, to experience. He felt his heart shatter and that scared him. Up until now, he thought he had done a good job at locking that part of him away. Of trying not to feel too deeply with it. But, here he was. And the girl who made him feel all these emotions, seemingly lifeless in a hospital bed because of him. If there was any chance he would let himself love her, it was gone now, seeing what he did to her. The tears returned to his eyes as he moved in closer to her. He kissed her forehead and whispered into her ear.

“You have no idea how much I wish I could let myself love you.” His free hand caressed her soft face as he kissed her again.

Time passed and his tears dried. His hand still clutched hers as he felt his eyes getting heavy. He didn’t realize he had fallen asleep until the nurse woke him up and he saw daylight. He knew he shouldn’t be here anymore. It was possible he could be putting her in even more danger by staying at her side.

He kissed her hand before letting go and standing from his chair. He leaned down and placed one last kiss on her forehead before walking towards the door. He looked at her one last time in the door frame before walking out and finding his car.

He sat in his car for a while, trying to decide what to do. Without her, everything seemed meaningless. And then to find out his mother was behind it all. There were so many things he was just only now getting to process. But one thing was certain in his mind that he kept coming back to.

He had to find the bastards that did this to her.

That was the most important thing right now. He would deal with his mother later. So, he started his car and raced home. He quickly jumped in the shower to wake himself up, make himself alert, before he sat down and started to collect the information he had.

The first thought he had was to go back to that warehouse. It hadn’t been long since he was last there. There was still a chance those men who took her could still be there. And he needed answers.

He grabbed his keys again and soon found himself driving back to the warehouse. He arrived with no plan. He knew they had guns. But that didn’t matter to him. He didn’t care what happened to him, he just knew he’d do everything in his power to understand why they did this and to make them pay.

He chose the front entrance of the warehouse this time, not worrying about being seen. He was there to be seen.

He walked in slowly, arms in the air to make sure they didn’t think he posed a threat. He sees the men before they see him. He clears his throat as they register the sound and pull their guns on him. For the briefest of moments, Kylo thought this was it, the end of the road for him. But, after several moments, he realized no shots were fired and he was in fact, still living and breathing.

One of the men looked up from his pointed gun. “Solo, what are you doing back here?” He said, lowering his gun. It took the man a few seconds to process who was standing before him as he looked to the other two men beside him.

“Guns down remember. We aren’t supposed to kill him, we almost made that mistake the first time.”

The other two men lower their weapons, placing them back behind them. Kylo puts his hands down and tries to process the fact that these men know who he is, and have been ordered not to kill him. It seems obvious now that his mother is behind all of this. She would be the only one he would know of that wouldn’t want him killed. She might not have been the best mom, but she’d never hurt him. Physically at least.

“I want answers.” Kylo seethed. “Why did my mother hire you to do this?” His voice was desperate for answers yet strong and firm. He wanted them to know that he was serious and that if he didn’t get the answers he wanted, they’d pay.

“Look Solo, it’s best if you don’t get caught up in all this mess. Just leave, we don’t want any trouble.”

Kylo hated that the man was calling him Solo. He hated that name, even more now after finding out what his mother had done.

In one swift motion, Kylo has his hands wrapped around the man’s neck, squeezing the life out of him slowly. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees the other two men raise their guns again. There’s no way they'd disobey orders. He knew they were getting paid and if they killed him, they wouldn’t.

“Now tell me what I want to know,” Kylo raised his voice this time as it boomed and echoed through the empty warehouse walls. His jaw was tight, his grip unrelenting as the man started flailing his arms, tapping Kylo’s arm for him to let go.

For the sake of getting any kind of information, he lets the man go. He watches as he falls to the ground fighting for air and sucking in every bit he can get.

The two other men lower their weapons again seeing that their fellow partner is released from his grip. Between the gasping and the throbbing and ringing in his own ears, Kylo couldn’t even think with his head. He didn’t like the feeling of his emotions getting the better of him but it was happening. He was acting irrationally, leading with his heart. But he had to. For her.

“Why did you take her?! Why does she want her dead?!” Kylo couldn’t stop the screams from escaping him as he became more and more desperate. Growing impatient that he wasn’t being told what he wanted to hear.

The men looked at him with such shock and surprise in their eyes. He knew he had a reputation as a coldhearted, emotionless, cutthroat, businessman. All this emotion he was expressing must be unusual to see, it was certainly unusual for him to feel.

“Answer me!” His voice was sharp as he lunged forward. He saw the men flinch, jolting backward as he stepped forward.

“Please?” Kylo’s voice was softer now, almost a whisper. He was never one to beg. But he needed something.

“I’m sorry Solo, you know I can’t disclose that information,” the man paused, “but, I have a feeling you can put together why. You know she’s an obstacle.”

Kylo stood stunned, eyes filled with fury as he looked down at the man.

“Look, you’ve formed too close of an attachment to her. You know that. You know you wouldn’t be able to let her go and you have duties to fulfill. You might’ve saved her this time, but if you don’t end it, and prove it’s over, I can guarantee you we’ll be going after her again.”

That made Kylo livid. He felt his face turning red, the fire inside him spreading all over his body. He knew he was putting her in danger. He knew the best thing for her was for him to stay away. He came to these conclusions last night. But hearing them out loud. Hearing that as a threat, angered him. The thought of not having her by his side scared him.

He lunged for the two men, starting to throw punches wherever he could. His eyes were blinded red and all he wanted was to feel pain. It’s what he deserved.

He felt his knuckles make contact with a jaw before he felt a hard hit to his gut. His hand grabbed where he felt the pain as he fought to catch his breath. As he did, a fist connected with his own jaw. He felt the throbbing before he felt the warm, metallic taste of his own blood dripping from his lip.

He was able to get in a few punches before he felt himself being held back. In almost the same moment he heard the sirens in the distance. Once the sound reached the ears of the three men, Kylo was let go.

“Shit!” One of the men yelled as he started frantically grabbing things.

“Did you do this Solo? Did you lead them here?” They were all looking at him. This time there was fear and panic in their eyes. Kylo couldn’t imagine why the cops would scare them so much.

“No one knew I was coming here,” Kylo said as the sound of the sirens getting closer and closer.

“Fuck!” The man in charge yelled as his hand covered his eyes and dropped down his face.

“You both know what we need to do. We were given orders.” Kylo watched as they all looked at each other. He was confused, unsure of what they were saying. And then it hit him.

“Wait!” Kylo yelled as the cops busted down the doors and rushed in. Before he knew it, all three men were biting down hard on something and convulsing on the floor, white foam spilling from their mouths.

Kylo watched the officers rush over to them, checking their pulse, and calling for an ambulance. It felt like everything was moving in slow motion before him. It took the cold metal of the cuffs wrapping around his wrists to pull him from the sight.

“What the hell? I did nothing wrong! This is bullshit!” Kylo yelled as the officer started pulling him out of the warehouse.

The last thing Kylo saw before he was dragged out of there was three, lifeless bodies on the floor of that empty warehouse and he felt no relief. No weight was lifted off of his shoulders from confronting them. No joy or comfort in knowing that these kidnappers and possible murderers were dead. He thought he’d feel something getting to hit them a few times. Getting to confront them and take care of them himself but he felt nothing. There was only one person who truly caused all of this and he needed to face her.

-

-

-

-

Kylo’s trip to the station didn’t last long. He was brought in and placed in an interrogation room and asked questions over and over again. It took the officer who had taken his statement at the hospital to help clear him.

He was let go and received apologies for the misunderstanding. Now, it had been weeks since that happened. Kylo sat on the couch in his apartment exhausted.

She was still in a coma.

Without her, his nightmares returned and only got worse. He had debated going to see her. So many times. But, he knew it was best to stay away.

And he might not want to admit it but it was extremely hard to do so. He knew her presence made him better. Helped him. And he was already seeing how life without her was affecting him.

He hadn’t slept in days. Thoughts of her and worrying about her mixed with the countless nightmares he had about his past, about losing her, he hadn’t seen the back of his eyelids for a proper amount of time in weeks. On top of that, work was a mess, and between his lack of sleep and boiling rage, he wasn’t being the nicest at work. Although he never really was, he could tell there was a slight change in his attitude, in his temper, since he had met her. Now that he lacked her advice, her comfort, things were falling apart.

He padded over to the fridge, rooting through the cool space to find something to eat. If it wasn’t for the people he hired to stock his fridge, there wouldn’t be anything in it. He lost his appetite and hadn’t even been eating full meals. So, he grabbed some water and put together a bowl of cereal to eat.

He had tried calling his mother. Every time it went to voicemail and every time, her mailbox was full. He couldn’t even get in touch with her, couldn’t yell at her, take his anger out on her, and get some answers.

The men at the warehouse said he knew why it happened. Deep down he did. It was the same thing he was going to tell her the night she got taken. But he wanted to hear it from his mother. Wanted to hear why she thought killing the only person that ever meant anything to him was the best option.

He tried calling her again as he sat down with his cereal. No answer.

He finished his bowl and sat down on the couch with his laptop. He turned the television on as he responded to work emails. He could feel his eyes were heavy and irritated from the light of his laptop. He figured he’d try to get some rest. He put his laptop down and laid out on the couch. He hadn’t slept in his bed ever since he got home. It didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel the same.

He shut his eyes and let the nightmares invade his mind.

It was cold, dark, and he was alone. He couldn’t see anything but darkness but felt the searing pain on his back. His sleeping state, which he had no control of, was in a fit of twitches and sweats as the nightmare played in his head.

He knew exactly where he was. He was in the basement of his childhood home. A home that was rarely frequented by his parents. He felt the blood dripping slowly down his back and onto his arms that had been tied behind his back. This was punishment.

The pain on his back from the whips was excruciating. And though it was a nightmare, he felt every bit of it. He heard a small whimper leave his mouth as he pleaded for the pain to stop. Then he came into the frame. His tall, lanky body and that wrinkled and scarred face that sat atop it. He felt a shiver run down his spine as he saw him. His uncle Snoke. He saw Snoke’s hand rise and begin to strike his face before-

***ring, ring***

His phone. The sound of the ringing pulled him from his nightmare. His eyes squinted as he looked at the bright screen. It was late. Who could be calling this late?

He saw Rey’s name light up as the contact calling him on his screen. He could feel his heart start to race. He knew she was calling about her. But, he didn’t know if the news he would be receiving would be good or bad. In a way, he didn’t want to pick up because he feared the worst. He knew he couldn’t be in her life anymore. But a world without her seemed even worse.

“Hello?” He answered, voice soft.

“Kylo! Oh, thank gods! She’s awake Kylo! She’s awake!” He could hear the relief, the tears, the happiness in her voice and he let out a breath he didn’t even know he was holding.

“That’s great news Rey, thank you for letting me know.” He was relieved too. But then it sunk in, the thing he had to do next.

“She is asking for you Kylo. She wants to see you.”

He heard her words but froze. He knew he shouldn’t go see her. It could put her at risk after being in a coma for weeks. But she wanted to _see_ him.

He ended the conversation with Rey and sat on his couch for a while contemplating what he should do.

Maybe it was selfish of him but he stood from his couch, grabbed his keys, and headed out to his car. He had to see her.

He raced to the hospital, trying to suppress the excitement he felt in his chest at the thought of seeing her awake, alert, and alive.

He rushed through the doors, not even stopping to check-in at the desk. He knew where he was going and he couldn’t waste another moment. When he reached her door, the memories flooded back of the last time he was there. Of the time he spilled his heart out to her while she was sleeping.

He took a deep breath and his hand made contact with the cool knob as he twisted it, opening the door and stepping in. He saw Rey and Poe there, sitting beside her bed. She turned as she heard the door opening and their eyes met. There she was. The most beautiful girl in the world and she had the biggest smile on her face as she saw him. It was as if the whole room lit up with a bright yellow light as he saw her smiling at him. She was his world. But to protect her, he’d have to do the unthinkable.

He hadn’t noticed Rey and Poe leave, giving the two of them their space. Kylo made his way over to her slowly as she extended her hand for him to take. He tried to resist taking it, but his heart got the better of him. That warm feeling inside him that had been absent for so long. It didn’t make him feel great that he was feeling it now. Not when he couldn’t be with her anymore.

“Hi,” she said softly as he took her hand and sat next to her. The same spot he had sat before and sobbed his heart out to her.

“Hi,” he said back with the same softness she used.

“They told me you rescued me,” she giggled rolling her eyes, “I had it covered.” Even after waking up from a coma she still had her personality, her sense of humor.

He chuckled lowly before pausing for a moment. “You could’ve died.”

“Hey, look at me. I’m here now okay, and I’m fine. I’m going to be just fine.” She squeezed his hand as she tried to comfort him with her eyes.

“I was coming to you, you know. I wanted to hear you out, I didn’t like the way things ended after our trip.” She was talking as if nothing was wrong. As if she just didn’t almost get killed and by the orders of his mother no less.

“There were things I was going to tell you too but this,” he motioned to her in the hospital bed, “this is all my fault.”

Her face changed immediately to one of confusion. “No, it’s not Kylo. Why would you think that?”

“It is! Our relationship is the reason you were taken and almost killed!” His voice had escalated and he realized it when he saw her worried face.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry but it's true. My mother orchestrated the whole thing.” He watched as her face caught up with what she was hearing. She was shocked, of course, she had no idea all of this was because of him. Because of them.

“But why?” She asked, confused. And he wanted to tell her. So bad. But he knew she could only handle one heartbreak tonight, and it had to be the one that kept her safe.

“That doesn't matter. I’m just glad you’re okay. But…” he paused, swallowing hard as he tried to find the words. As he looked into her eyes he found it hard to say what he needed to. So, he let go of her hand and stood up. His hand rested on his hip as his other held his jaw and he turned away from her.

“But what Kylo?” He could hear the concern dripping from her voice as well as the fear that she lodged deep inside her.

“We can’t see each other anymore. It’s too dangerous.”

His words came out faster than he wanted them to and they sucked the air out of the room. There was a silence that was only broken by heavy breathing, quiet sobs, and beeping machines.

“You, you can’t be serious?” She managed to say through her tears. “After what just happened you want to leave?”

“It’s for your own good! You’re own safety!” Kylo’s voice was raised trying to get his point across before he came back down to only a whisper. “I knew you being with me would only hurt you.”

He wasn’t sure if she heard what he said but she was angry and hurt, that was obvious, and he couldn’t blame her. This was the last thing he wanted but he couldn’t tell her that, show her that, because then they would just be drawn back to each other somehow. No, he had to make this look real. For her sake.

“Is it because I told you I loved you? Was that too much for you to handle huh? Gods Kylo! I love you so fucking much it hurts and right now, you’re breaking my heart!” The anger was strong, he could almost feel it from her words. He couldn’t look at her. If he did, he thought he might cry. To see that heartbreak written on her face would’ve ended him right there.

“You can choose Kylo. To love me as much as I love you. I want to be a part of your life. Please, I’m begging you, don’t do this, don’t brush me off to be just a footnote in your life story. I want to be with you Kylo! No matter the cost!”

She just kept talking, her words speaking to him and breaking him. He couldn’t stay in that room any longer or he’d fall to her feet. He needed to stay strong.

Who was he becoming? A person so filled with emotion. A person who loved? Someone who had gone soft. He couldn’t keep being like this. His hands dropped to his sides as he clenched his fists and took a deep breath. He was just about to turn around and say something when he heard the soft words coming from her mouth as she fought back the sobs.

“You don’t love me, do you?”

He felt a sharp pain in his chest as he heard those words. He knew this was his exit, his way out and boy did he not want to take it. But, he knew he had to. He had faced those men, he knows how dedicated they were to their orders. If he didn’t end things now, she would die.

He mustered up the courage to turn his head to the side. He saw her small frame out of the corner of his eye. She was sitting up, chest and torso bent over her crossed legs as she watched him. He took in a breath and gave his answer.

“No.”

He said it firmly so she would hear it. And he knew she did because her sobs only became louder as he gripped the doorknob and walked out of her room, out of the hospital, with the intention of never seeing her again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello loves! I cannot apologize enough for how long this one took me to write. I know it's probably not my best but this chapter has been a huge struggle for me (idk why) and I just needed to get over the hump if that makes sense. So I'm sorry if things seem rushed or whatnot but I'm really excited about the next chapter so I'm hoping writing that one won't be as difficult! Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this one, remember to trust the process please haha I know this ended kind of badly but I promise, I'll give you a good ending when that time comes. You all know how much I enjoy reading your comments so please keep them coming, they mean everything to me! Also, my original twitter account got suspended for reasons I'm unaware of and I'm not sure if or when I'll get it back. So, in the meantime, if you need me, have any questions or concerns, you can find me on my backup @adamds0lo xo, Laur


End file.
